Being Gay and Coptic

Hate The Sin, Hate The Sinner

2011-10-12T21:58:00.000-07:00

1600 years ago, a (quite famous) man named Augustine wrote a letter to a community of nuns, giving them some advice on how to deal with grievances among the community. Apparently some of these ladies were doing some real malice to the other. He offered some advice to this particular community in how to deal with some of these wrongdoings. He offers means of discipline, but reminds the leaders to do so with "Cum dilectione hominum et odio vitiorum", which translates to "With love for mankind and hatred of sins."

Many years later, in his autobiography in 1929, Mohandas Gandhi wrote : "Hate the sin and not the sinner is a precept which, though easy enough to understand, is rarely practiced, and that is why the poison of hatred spreads in the world." In regards to our command to love each other despite the evil things that we do to each other. It was a statement made in regards to the violence he witnessed against his own people, and despite this violence, he stands against the deeds themselves but intends on loving his enemies, for a reason he explains at another time "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

Years later still, in a supermarket in Portland, a woman notices a young single mother and her baby shopping for some cereal. The woman imagines the vile, back-arching, moan-inducing positions that lead this young girl to a fate of early motherhood, the kind of lewd acts that the older woman fantasizes about in the privacy of her own bedroom when her husband is away. After being lost in these fantasies for a brief moment, and in reaction for the fear that the flushness of her face and secretly dripping sexuality is noticed by her fellow Safeway shoppers, scowls at the thought of the young victim, and believes that her 6-month old "punishment", although unfortunate, is quite deserving, but then remembers that while she herself is not partaking in the wild passions of sexual bliss, she is, after all, a better person than the young mother, so she remembers something her pastor said a few Sundays ago: "love the sinner, hate the sin", and with a pat on her own proverbial back, she sighs, smiles to herself, and whimsically turns the corner into the bread aisle.

Years later still, a young man tells his parents that he is gay. The deeply anguished and self-blaming couple, after many hours of arguing, blaming, and wrestling, kick their son out of the house, but agree to give him money every so often, and tell him the reason is, because they "love the sinner, but hate the sin."

Such an overused non-biblical phrase (equally taken out of context as anything else in the scriptures), with the utility of separating oneself from another person who is different. It is a callous gesture from a self-righteous people, who have somehow incorporated the call for true love for an enemy despite their malice, in order to preserve the peace and end the cycle of hatred, into a modus operandum that stratifies and slices the society into the deserving and undeserving, the acceptable and the intolerable. It has become a phrase that is infused with an undertone, that not only brands the sinner a sinner, but by virtue of using the phrase, separates the speaker from the sin they will tolerate the sinner in spite of.

If you are gay, and you have Christian family or friends, you have heard this quote! It has been spoken about you, it has been spoken to you. Every time you hear it, becomes more painful than the last, but somehow loses its potency. Show of hands, how many of you felt the warmth and passionate love delivered by this phrase, the kind of warmth and passion when a loved one holds you and says "I love you, always and forever." It doesn't quite have the same mojo, does it? Another show of hands, does anyone know what "love the sinner, hate the sin" love looks like?

It usually ends up looking something like this:

and this: An example of loving the sinner and hating the sin

and unfortunately this:

What is the sin of homosexuality that is hated? Why is homosexuality compared to murder and theft? Why is it that, when a more open-minded person repeats how God loves us, and our sin is just like murder and stealing, and they have mistakes too, so we're all people with mistakes, it somehow just does not sit right. I heard one say once, and it makes so much sense, that sexuality is part of the body. It's part of the mind and psyche. Sexuality is not just the state of being physically attracted, but it ties in, inseparably with the desire for love, and the need for companionship. Such desires and needs are celebrated by society when they are fulfilled, just look at how much money you spent at weddings last year. There is a whole industry that the godly and godless alike partake in, in order to celebrate these aspects of being human. But when someone reminds us that they see our sexuality as equal to their taste for gossip, either as a petty crime, or a grave abomination, it cuts into our bodies, and our minds. It is comparing that which is life-giving to us, to what is petty, or harmful to others. Such a phrase is an attack on the body, on the person, on their mind and heart. It is a form of great disrespect, a psychological "bitch-slap", if you will.

I have received many such comments and emails from people, and I shudder every single time. I wanted to know if I was the only one, so asked some people out in the social web, how this phrase hits them, and I got some great answers, I had to share some of the quotes:

"Anyone I have EVER heard make that statement doesn't love "the sinner". I've seen and experienced really evil stuff having been done to people by those who have said those very words. Enough that I believe they are a farce."

"Those of us on the receiving end of this philosophy rarely experience the love, but we certainly reap the hate."

"For me, it comes across as shallow and self-righteous. It's supposed to sound benevolent, but has a arrogant ring to it. I think it should be, "Love the sinner and hate your OWN sin".

"The only way I can explain it is to explain how being in a gay relationship is so very different in so many ways, from other things that are called "sin." In the conversation, their defense always ends up being, "Well, then we'd have to say we don't hate child molestation, rape, or murder." It reveals a broken moral compass------unable to tell the difference between a harmful act and a harmless one. It makes me want to report them to child services."

"It smacks of the "I'm OK but you're not," attitude...And it shows a lack of unconditional love."

"It is, and has always been a "not so subtle", statement of smug moral superiority."

We have gotten many comments recently, saying how while they don't think homosexuality is wrong, it's OK to be gay, just don't associate the word Coptic or Christian with it. I won't even get into this, but for a moment consider the statement.

I know the phrase this article is about, will be told to me time and time again, and with each time I tire more and more of hearing it. But until people can be humbled enough to know that they may not have all the answers and they can see themselves as equals, even with us gay people, this dividing line will continue to be placed. To go back to the original meaning of the quote, before it became bastardized by the masses, that while there are atrocities, judgements, and pain being inflicted, that we stand strong and do not repay an eye for an eye. That we can separate this immature and fearful thinking from the scared and unsure human being behind it. That we don't lose the sense of humanity in those who want to strip our dignity.

If you are one of those people who uses this phrase, think again before using it again. Find another way of saying that you love your brother or sister. You don't have to remind us that you are against homosexuality, we already know. But if you love, then just love. End of story.

Even if His Grace Bishop Youssef tells you otherwise.

And to those who are being put down, remember this:

"See to it that no one takes you captive by nphilosophy and oempty deceit, according to phuman tradition, according to the qelemental spirits1 of the world, and not according to Christ. 9 For rin him the whole fullness of deity dwells sbodily, 10 and tyou have been filled in him, who is uthe head of all rule and authority. " - Colossians 2:8-11

Research shows...

2011-10-12T09:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been misunderstood? Has anyone ever spoken on your behalf, only to describe you close but not exactly right, or maybe they got you completely wrong? What were your feelings about that situation? What did you want to tell that person? At the end of the day, did this person have the right to represent you to others? If so: why? And if not: why not?

"This is who you are! Believe me! I know better!"

Do a web search on being Coptic and gay. What do you find? A few articles, sermons, Q&A, and web forums where people discuss it. The lay people talk about their own theories, which is mainly based on hearsay and projections, and the clergy quote Bible verses out of context and use their own interpretation to make rash judgements without really looking deeper into the issues. No matter where one stands on the moral implications of being gay, there is a lack of compassion and understanding and it is evident in the writings of the church leadership.

The main response is: "Well, we're just echoing what the Bible is saying." The Bible says a lot of things and if being Coptic Orthodox has taught me anything, it has taught me that you cannot take a verse on its own and built a doctrine about it. Sola Scriptura is something the Coptic Church does not embrace, in fact, Coptic Orthodoxy prides itself on being able to take a holistic and historical approach to interpreting and understanding scripture, but they embrace a shallow view of the Bible when it comes to not only this issue, but to many issues where there is not a clear understanding.

I wanted to focus my attention specifically to what I've read regarding what the coptic church is saying about homosexuality, because I believe this is the reason why many LGBT folks in the church are suffering in silence. And I want to say that I am doing so not to berate the church leadership, but to make light of misinformation and prejudice that is being communicated. There is a reason many people live in fear, if they cannot turn to their community and family, who can they turn to? Most likely there are many people out there who would more than likely take advantage of the insecure closeted gay person, but why does it have to be this way? The LGBTs of the church need to find a safe place to explore themselves and their faith, and not feel like they are being told who they are by people who frankly cannot understand what it is like to be in their shoes. Unfortunately, that place does not exist in the church.

Not In My Church!

The language used to describe LGBT folks is generally postured in a way that bears an assumption that it is an issue not found in the church. Generally, the language used assumes its someone else out there.

"Some of you may think: 'Why are you speaking to us about this subject [homosexuality], this probably doesn't relate to us.' I HOPE it doesn't relate to you."

- H.G. Bishop Suriel, Sermon to St. Mark Church, Jersey City, 10-25-2008

Your Grace, statistically speaking, there were probably a few folks who were gay oriented in the congregation that day, how do you think that statement resonated with them?

This is why our blog and our page exists. What has your experience been like?

Reader Submission: A Letter From Sharon

2011-10-08T18:51:00.000-07:00

The following brought tears to my eyes and pain to my heart. If anyone questions your intentions, your origin, or your faith. Pass them this note. Thank you Bob Gnzls who posted this on LGBT Coptic Christians on Facebook.

Published on May 04, 2000

Sunday, April 30, 2000

By SHARON UNDERWOODFor the Valley News

(White River Junction, VT) Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people.

I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.

My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay.

He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.

At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."

You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.

He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.

How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage.

You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.

The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?"

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?"

Gummy Bears and False Promises

2011-10-07T00:56:00.000-07:00

My prediction for the 2013 Exodus International catch phrase:

"The Opposite of Homosexuality is Gummy Bears."

Why? It's simple. Every few years, Exodus International changes its slogan for a variety of reasons probably attributed to marketing, however, I think one of the main reasons is their nagging consciences. In the early years, Exodus claimed that they could change anyone from being homosexual to heterosexual. Over the years, countless people have come forward, not only claiming that their orientation was never actually changed, many came forward talking about the harm they experienced going through homosexual reparative therapy.

An early snapshot of the Exodus website makes this claim. Can you change, the answer is YES!

In the last decade, studies came out that showed the actual ineffectiveness of such treatment for people who would describe themselves as homosexually oriented. Exodus published their own press-releases, one of which includes a claim that they have a 53% success rate! However when asked later that year, they cite another study conducted by Dr. Warren Throckmorton of Grove City College, to back up their claims. The report is linked here. However if you dig into the study itself, you see Dr. Throckmorton did not conduct the study at all, but rather is citing a study put out by Spitzer (2001), where he calls the study the most recent study of reparative therapy to date. But this study does not show a 53% success rate, as claimed by Exodus International at all:

Spitzer (2001) reported that 46% of the men and 42% of the women assessed themselves as exclusively homosexual in the year prior to change. Regarding postchange efforts, 17% of his sample of men and 54% of the women reported exclusively heterosexual attraction.

So to put it bluntly, of the percentage of people who decided to participate in this study, 17% of 46% of the men have shown a change from being gay to straight. That is about 7%. And 54% of 42% of the women show the same change, and that would come out to 22%. I am not even going to go into whether or not these cases were actually successful, because one year of study does not show a change to someone's sexual being, however, these numbers most certainly do not add up to 53%, not by a long shot.

So in addition to these mixed messages, Exodus offers another answer to their success rate:

What is your success rate? The answer never really was a WHAT. It always is a WHO. Jesus Christ is “success” because He was obedient to the Father’s plan. When we find our identity in Christ and not in our own strengths or weaknesses, we too can find success in living. Not perfection, but perseverance. Not absence of temptation, but freedom from feeling we have to give in. Not a guarantee by following rules, but genuine hope empowered by grace.

Now, there is a lot in this statement I very much agree with and can relate to, but not in regards to sexual orientation. Why are they charging so much money, to help people do what they can do for free? Develop a relationship with God, no? Then why go to Exodus? Oh, because they can help change you… but wait, they aren't that successful at it. So why do all these people participate?!

Exodus decided to clean up their act and change their message again, to say "The opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality… it is holiness." Flip that around, and it says, "hey, are you gay? guess what. the opposite of holiness is your sexual orientation." Nice.

But there is some wisdom to this catch phrase, because it removes from themselves the claim that they can change your orientation, but rather, can help change your behavior. Which yes, I believe anyone can change any behavior, and anyone can learn to do anything, or not do anything. The question is: is it beneficial? The subtext here is, while you may still be gay, we'll help you not act on it.

But wait, there is still more to this story! Exodus has AGAIN changed their catch phrase. We can now learn that the "Opposite of Homosexuality is Holy-Sexuality." Are you as confused as I am? So they can't change people completely from being gay to straight, so they're going to work on the holiness factor, which for the majority of participants is abstinence and celibacy. But now, they're claiming to change people from homosexuality to holy-sexuality. Exactly what orientation is that? Well, I guess according to the teachings that Exodus International follows, in the modern evangelical movement, we find that the only "holy" sexuality is heterosexuality within marriage.

But at the end of the day, these catch phrases make no sense. "The opposite of homosexuality is… " basically is a guarantee, or a service offering. Whatever comes after that sentence, is the promise Exodus makes to its members. However Exodus cannot deliver a consistent service offering, so they change the catch phrase, to things completely unrelated to the first part of that sentence, i.e. the state of the people who arrive at Exodus for help. They would do better just sticking random words at the end of these catch phrases, and at the very least be able to deliver something to its members: and I want to suggest GUMMY BEARS!

By offering gummy bears, to gay and lesbian people who come to Exodus for help, they can at least deliver something tangible, and real. They are cute, and they are chewy. It's something you can really sink your teeth into. I believe, if Exodus did change their catch phrase to what I am suggesting, they could at least be an organization of integrity, that will not leave their members psychologically harmed, and their hopes destroyed by false promises. Because they position themselves as an organization of spiritual authority, they can at least rest in the fact that, by delivering what they promise, they will not leave thousands of people at a crossroads with their faith, and their view of spirituality as a whole.

Ultimately, gummy bears taste much better, and are a lot more digestible than what they are offering today.

Playing Monopoly With God

2011-10-05T21:07:00.000-07:00

An old joke goes like this:

A man died and went to heaven, where he was promptly greeted by St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter welcomed him and took him on the grand tour. They arrived at a room full of people in silent meditation, when Peter explained "Here are where the Buddhists go." They walked down a few more doors and he said, "And here, we find the Catholics", and everyone inside waved at the new arrival. A few more doors down the recently deceased heard clapping and singing, and St. Peter explained, "here are the Pentecostals", and then finally they arrived at a room with a closed door. Peter explained, "Well, you see here is where the Copts go, when they go to heaven, but be very quiet, they think they're the only ones here."

The same could be said about almost any religious group with a strict following and self-important dogma. But this becomes relevant today for one reason, and it's a question that I have not been asked in a very long time, but it's the question of: "How can you call yourself a Christian and be gay?" At this point in my life, it's very simple actually: I'm gay. I'm a Christian. And that's all there is to it. But I can see why this idea may be foreign to some, and easier for others. It really depends in the church environment you grew up in.

I for one, grew up in an environment that taught us, that there was only one correct faith. From basic dogma, to the resolution of councils, to the explanation of great mysteries (like the nature of Christ, for example), to the proper liturgy, to the kinds of worship, to the modes of dress, to the food you eat, to the things you think, to the people you associate with, to the TV shows you watch, to the music you listen to, to the amount of time you are allowed to shave after receiving communion, I could go on. It's apparent that we are pretty damn special. So the idea that I was gay, was one that sent chills of fear up my spine. We weren't talking about eating a burger on good friday, we were talking about some Soddom and Gomorrah type wrath and destruction! You know the kind where fire falls from the sky, your aunt Jessie turns to salt, and you miss the last episode of Friends because a meteor just hit your TV: and your dog.

Many years later, I can go to bed at night, knowing that I have an ally upstairs. I have a Savior in my heart. It took a bit of work though. Previous posts can tell you about this process I went through:

The Great Misconception

Of Sheep And Men

So now there is a small movement of people crying out and saying that a gay person CANNOT label themselves as a Christian. I think I've posted enough about this topic, but I did have a few questions:

If I choose to call on Jesus in an hour of need: What does it matter to you?
If I choose to pray every night for my loved ones and the world around me: What does it matter to you?
If I choose to go to Church and seek spiritual and personal growth and worship and praise within a community: What does it matter to you?
If I choose to serve others: What does it matter to you?
If I believe that I am loved by God, unconditionally, in the John 3:16 fashion: What does it matter to you?

Faith is a personal thing. I would not tell anyone what to believe or not. There is a great story of seven blind men and an elephant which explains why I deeply respect all faiths. But if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, and someone is telling you, that you need to abandon things that you believe in your heart to be true, just because you are who you are, I will say to stand up, and shake off the dust, and not believe these lies. You are more precious than you could ever imagine yourself to be. And you are deeply and utterly loved.

No, the moment there is a monopoly on who can approach God, we already have a problem, and we find ourselves facing a road, or an opinion, that is just not worth exploring. If you don't believe me, you can ask some of my friends: Zacchaeus, The Centurion, The Woman at the Well, and the Good Samaritan. You can even ask King David, I'm sure he'd say a few things on the matter. Monopoly is for insecure children, and greedy adults, even when it comes to religion.

Let's Recap... Shall We?

2011-10-04T23:00:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I think this picture says it all. This is what I returned to when I logged on the other day. But, let's step back for a moment.

A lot has happened since I've last posted, let's review:

1. I got a second job (temporarily)
2. I am single and wanting to remain so, for a long while.
3. I turned 29! Last year before it's all over, and memory loss begins!

What can I say, I kind of dropped the ball, as they say. Life got hectic, and I lost focus. What brought it back? Well, I was alerted to an influx of spam and hate-speech on our Facebook Community, and was absolutely shocked and disturbed as to what I found there.

After two hours of deleting posts that were just vile in nature, like the one above. Reminded me of a quote by Ghandi: "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." But there is a silver lining to all this. Having spoke to many people of various ages, it seems that this crudeness is concentrated among those in high school and college. Most people of young adult status, who have entered into the real world, who have been broken down by the reality of life, outside of depending on their mom and dad's financial support, they become humbled and realize, that maybe they shouldn't be judging people. I had the same lesson myself, and life sure did humble me. I pity people like the young man, above. Usually those who are the most aggressive towards gay people, have latent feelings of their own that they do not know how to deal with. And people who are straight, generally are straight, and do not really care what other people do.

But yes, it's been a few busy days, cleaning up the mess of these so-called representatives of the church, but I know better, than to say that these people are the reps. The true representatives of faith, are those who you least expect, they are the quiet meek voices, the smiling faces that greet you in the street, the helping hand to those who are week, the one who forgives easy when being wronged, the one who shares his or her meal, and the one who loves unconditionally. These are the people I aspire to be like. If the church had more of these people, I do not think a single gay person would have been ostracized by the communities they come from.

He set an example...

2011-04-21T20:22:00.000-07:00

"I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them."

I attended the Holy Thursday prayers at my church this morning and afternoon. It was a great time for reflection on the Lenten journey we have all gone through. Battling the inevitable hunger pains, we arrived at the "Laqqan" or blessing of the waters, where the water is blessed and prayed on, and then the priest symbollically washes the feet of the congregation by wetting a towel and putting the sign of the cross on the front of their lower legs. This of course comes from the gospel, where before the Passover, Jesus washes the feet of the disciples, leaving some offended at the notion of a great teacher humbling himself to such a menial task, but does so as an example of what it means to be a true servant, and how we are to treat each other. For some reason, I had this thought in my head: I wonder what it would be like if we as a congregation actually washed each others feet. That it wasn't the task of the priest to put a wet towel to our legs, but that we could actually wash the feet of our neighbors in the pews.

I could imagine the discomfort. Many people hide their feet, it is a very sensitive part of the body. Allowing someone to wash your feet is in a way letting them see a not so clean part of you. For some they would rather have their feet covered, rather than show the world what they look at. Others are self conscious, while, for the most part, unless you've spent a lot of time and money in pedicures and such, most likely, you would not be quick to put your bare feet in the hands of another person in church, let alone let them wash them. On the flip side, how many of us would want to take the bare foot of a congregation member into our hands? I wonder what kind of congregation we would be if we were the type of congregation that could wash each other's feet.

It's not about washing feet, though, but its exposing ourselves. It's allowing someone else to clean us, to acknowledge our shortcomings, and to take the dirt and wash it away. I'm sure we can have no problem doing this with strangers, but what about with people we know well, who maybe have hurt us or fallen short of what we wanted. Or maybe for some of us, we don't want to be seen. We don't want our dirt and our filth exposed to our neighbor, even in the church, even if he or she has dirt of their own. It's being in a very vulnerable position, and putting ourselves in the hands of our neighbor.

I thought about the conversations in past weeks on several message boards, in light of the passage in John 13, and I wish we could come together, humbly, gay and straight Copts, alike. "Pro-gay" and "anti-gay" Copts together, and come together in that same spirit of humility and love and service, and for a moment, take the time to wash one another's feet. To take the dirt that we see in the other, and pour the cool water of forgiveness, understanding, compassion and love, over what we see that offends or bothers us. That for a moment we can stand humbly as one, imperfect, but covered by grace and love. For we are all loved, and greatly so. We fear the other, we blame the other, we accuse the other, and we think we know the other, however, the greatest One among us, was able to wash the feet of the one who betrayed him, who are we that we could refuse to do the same?

These were some thoughts that affected me today. I hope after Lent, we can continue the dialogues out there on the net, in a better Spirit where we can follow that example given to us.

Did Someone Light A Candle?

2011-04-13T19:42:00.000-07:00

It comes to no surprise that the survey that was distributed a number of weeks ago has caused a reaction in the community. The topic of homosexuality and the church is one that polarizes. I wish it weren't so, but it is. In many web communities, the survey was faced with a lot of backlash, and distrustful skepticism. Immediately, we were accused of plotting a way to change the church's dogma on homosexual sex. The mention of the survey alone, brought out some interesting thoughts from people. I have to say when we are in a place of fear, we are not at our best.

Fortunately, the church need not worry, as there is no secret agenda of a gay takeover of the Coptic Church. That is not the intention of the survey nor is such a thing possible through the asking of questions. If popular vote was a way to set and alter church dogma, are we saying that the council of Nicea went something like this: "Ok guys, show of hands: oneness of Christ with God the Father, yay or nay?"

But despite the distrust and heated arguments, there have been some great moments of dialogue and mutual understanding! Many of us have had a chance to tell our stories to people, and it is through this exposing of ones life in detail that takes away the mystery. One man in particular reached out to me via email, and asked me to explain more about the survey and why we did it. This is what I had to say. I say this to all people who are wondering why we made this survey. Something to think about:

The people who made the survey, and now I'm helping out with them, because I definitely feel in line with what they're doing.

Yes, they are all copts. Initially the survey was intended to capture some of the stories of other gay coptic people out there, and their experiences, so others can feel that they are not alone in their struggles. But it turned into something different, more like a survey for all Coptic people. The fact is that no one wants to talk about this issue. And, , I happen to believe exactly what you believe, that we should not be defined by our sexuality or sexual orientation. But the fact is, everyone is defining us."

...

"The aim of the survey is mainly just a way to get the people in the church thinking: "Do I know any gay people? How have I dealt with them? Do my actions further ostracize them or am I part of making my church a safe place for everyone to be in fellowship with?" Also, the fact is, everyone I know who has struggled with their sexuality, or have either come out, get different reactions from clergy and their community. I've seen some pretty harsh stuff, but I've also seen some loving stuff as well. But the harshness says that many of our dear clergy members do not know how to attempt to deal with this. Some even go by way of the ex-gay route, which only leads to further destruction. I'm all for gay celibacy btw, if one truly believes that it is the only path to holiness and wholeness in their lives."

"Yes, it is a difficult issue with no easy answers, but we feel that the conversation needs to start. And it needs to start within the church. We are not saying the church needs to accept homosexuality as a viable lifestyle. The fact is, someone who identifies as gay, says nothing about how they actually live their lives. Many are celibate. Many are promiscuous. Many are monogamous. etc. etc. etc. We are not saying the church needs to change her doctrine. But the question is, ok we have brothers and sisters who have fallen short one one point, on a single point. Should this separate us from the community? Does the community want us separated? The survey responses that have really surprised me the most, are the ones that say "yes I believe homosexuality is wrong. And yes I believe gay people should be one with us in the community." If Christ can meet me, here and now as I am, I have to have faith that he will lead me to the truth."

"By offering Christ to everyone who wants, without condition, you are putting them in line with grace. You are putting them in direct contact with the love of God."

"So this survey is for gay copts, to see what "those closed minded coptic people" really think, and I know in my heart, they will be surprised to see the results. And it's for straight copts, to challenge them to think more about what it is they believe and how that belief should be carried out in terms of dealing with others different than themselves. This survey is for clergy to see who their congregation is, and not who they want them to be, or who they might present themselves to be. It's for reconciliation. And yes, we are a small number. But, yes, I care about my brothers and sisters who deal with this, because I've been through it myself, and it's a miracle that I am where I am today. I don't know why I feel spared, but I have been, and I thank God every single day."

"Hope this clarifies, sorry that this went so long. I will never forget when you said "I know God can love a gay person: because he loves me." you give me hope in my community, whom I also have feared. Those words stick with me, and I'll never forget. Thank you!"

The gentleman wrote me back. His quote that I mention was from a previous email. This man has really inspired me. He made me realize that in this community which many of us have felt so estranged from, there are people who are willing to stand next to us and call us brothers, even if they may not agree with us on all fronts. If you are gay and Coptic, or straight and Coptic. We invite you to stand with us. We have a fan page on Facebook. We'd love to interact with friends, those who are willing to acknowledge that we exist, and are willing to stand with us. Not all of us believe the same thing about what it means to be gay or how that is expressed. If you have questions, ask us. We'd love to share with you. If you're gay, but are in the closet, you don't need to out yourself, but a time will come when you'll be ready, and know that when you are, you are NOT ALONE.

I feel hopeful.

Take our SURVEY! We want to hear from you.

Apple Says "No" To Ex-Gay Therapy

2011-03-23T19:45:00.000-07:00

Exodus International: God bless 'em.

But really, do we think the world is ready for a mobile app that can cure "un-wanted same sex attraction"?
I thought that was the purpose of iFart. Who wants to be with a man who can generate gastro-flatulant noises like that? That would have been the wiser approach for Alan Chambers, if he had gotten his marketing team in order. You can't just join the social and mobile web, and expect to make an impact, if the shit you started with wasn't that great to begin with.

So it was Apple that decided to pull the plug on Exodus's mobile app, because it was deemed offensive to a large number of people.

On the one hand, I do see the need for freedom of speech, however, Apple is not the government. They are a corporation, and have the right to censor as they will. No one is stopping Exodus from existing, in fact they're a growing organization in this country with all the freedoms any other organization would have, despite the fact that many people in scientific and spiritual communities can agree that their methods are actually harming people deeply.

Now, Exodus will cry "victim", as they continue to victimize thousands of people, and take their hard earned dollars in exchange for false-promises, touch-therapy, and years of psychological anguish.

Read the article here.

And if you're done feeling sorry for Exodus, take a moment and fill out a brief survey!

Important Survey and Study

2011-03-22T22:05:00.000-07:00

A few people reached out to me tonight and told me about a study they are conducting in order to get a sense of how LGBT Coptic people co-exist with their church communities. The survey is meant for any and all Coptic people regardless of sexual orientation. The survey is short, only 10 questions, but I think it touches on a few important points.

From the survey itself:

Thank you for participating in this survey. People who may identify as an LGBTQ (Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/Questioning) exist in all communities regardless of culture. This is a brief study conducted by members of the Coptic Community who are interested in understanding how LGBTQ persons are represented within the Coptic community, and are hoping to get a brief introduction to how the community and these individuals co-exist. Any person affiliated with the Coptic Church in any way should participate, whether or not they identify as LGBT. Participation in this survey is completely voluntary, and while the results of this survey may be published, the identity of those participating will remain completely anonymous.

Why Participate?

1. Having as many people participate as possible will ensure accurate representation in the results of this survey. By participating you help paint an accurate portrayal of the beliefs of our community.

2. In addition to understanding how LGBT people are represented within the community, we also want to understand how the mainstream views this topic.

Please take a moment, whether you are straight or gay, or whether you are Coptic or not, and fill out these questions. I think the results can help both the church and people who identify as LGBTQ understand the lay of the land, as well as maybe understand each other better.

The link to the survey is here: A Brief Study of Sexual Identity In The Coptic Church

Lent, Lentils, and The Gay Man

2011-03-09T20:18:00.000-08:00

It's Lent: Let the vegan cooking begin!

It's been a long time since I've posted, as life sometimes brings in the tide, and a lot falls onto your plate, however, in prayer tonight, I realized that maybe this can be a good place for me to get some of these thoughts out.

It is very difficult at times being gay if you wanna live a life of purity and wholeness. The culture around just doesn't quite get it, or doesn't really want to get it, I'm not exactly sure which one. I most certainly would rather not worry about wholeness and healthiness when it comes to what I do with my heart and body, but when you get a taste of the real deal, it's hard to look back and say anything less is satisfactory.

So, I'm not the biggest fan of fasting for Lent. For the most part it often involves some sort of indulging, then depraving, followed by indulging. That's been the common spiritual practice amongst my fellow church members, at least in the mainstream. How often do you take a trip with your friends to a Brazilian BBQ before, and probably after Lent. I mean, yeah, I totally get it, but what the hell is the point? Is lent just a time to start stocking up on margarine, imitation soy-based meat products, and non-dairy creamer??

So the last few years, I stayed away from fasting, and focused more on how I can get myself to live a more moderate and healthy lifestyle all year around, than focusing on depriving myself for 40 days for a particular reason.

This year is a little different. With certain changes in relationship status, possibilities begin to open up, and while the heart is not looking, and is rather broken and confused at the moment, the body finds itself looking at ways to feel good, and connect. I look back a few years, and see the kind of life I was living. I treated my body like an amusement park, and I'm lucky that I don't have the scars that usually come with that. While I never practiced anything that could be deemed to risky or unsafe, I put myself in compromising positions with compromising people, and enjoyed the fact that I could get attention by my charm and looks, and readily used it to my advantage. Many connections were real and authentic, while others were down-right detached and a time waster. It took an angel to slap me in the face with a few simple words, which woke me up to realize what it was that I truly wanted: a complete whole experience where heart followed mind, and body followed heart, and all things followed spirit.

I guess deep down I had begun to lose hope that it was possible to find such people who shared these beliefs in the gay community. I believed it with my lips, but I thought I was alone, and therefore a part of me had given up.

You never know what can happen when you're asked to keep your clothes on. You almost always know what will happen once the clothes come off.

But yes, this angel of mine, whether intentional or not, yet to be determined, re-awakened a value system, that I would most certainly would have admitted to with my lips, but over the course of several years had slowly began to unfold and disintegrate, and I remembered what it was like to be innocent again, and what it meant to unlearn all that I had been taught by people who had no business teaching me.

In time I began to feel pure again, and whole, mind body and spirit.

Yes, I'm talking, in relationship, I had learned to slow down, and to take things the way they were meant to be. There's a reason, we as gay men rush to get naked, and it has little to do with feeling good. We know that once the climax hits, we can detach, (or if it's really good we may unexpectedly get attached, to someone we don't even know), but we know that orgasmic detachment is inconsequential, and less is risked (besides health and safety), but the important stuff is well protected, the stuff inside, the stuff of the heart. Whether we know it or not, we love sex because it keeps us safe from getting hurt. I can just think about me, without having to give or open up.

Of course the irony is that sex is one of the most intimate, vulnerable things one person can give another.

So yes, it was through a gay relationship that I feel my body and heart were redeemed. And of course I see the work of God in all this, as God was ever present, and the gospel was always the undertone for our dealings with each other.

As life goes sometimes, not all things are a straight road, no pun intended, and I find myself in a way not as attached as before, and while I'm still trying to wrap my head around all this, I realize that I most certainly have a green light to revisit old ways. For sure the mental pathways have been entrenched and a year of good behavior doesn't quite erase the several years that preceded it. And I'm forced to think, what do I wanna do with all this? Yes, I'm "free", but free to do what?

The pressures are unbelievable. But I remember, I remember what I compromised, and I certainly don't wanna go back. I experienced some dark stuff, in some dark places. I know where I come from, and to see where I am today, I don't know how I survived. It's a slippery slope that you have no idea how far you can fall until it's almost too late. The scars inside are still there. It makes me more distrustful of people, it makes me wonder who people really are inside. I wish I still had an innocent view of who people are or could be. But if I learned anything, is that even a hardened heart can be redeemed.

So in relation to Lent, while yes, the green light is there, I'm going to take a time out for now, and I'm going to revisit what this means to be a gay man who is single who follows Jesus, or tries to at least. I'm not sure where this will lead me, but I know sacrifice is going to be a part of it, it is to make a commitment, even in the short term, to just wait, and put my energies into different things, outside of dating and the like.

At the end of the day, I know parts of my heart are really sad, and there's no quicker way to put a mask on the heart's mouthpiece, than a sloppy knob polish, but I did not experience the last x months to just bring me back to where I started, even if T.S. Eliot does speak the truth, there is forward motion that needs to happen, even if we find ourselves taking 1,2, or 20 steps back, we are always growing.

A friend once told me, it's not about what we give up. It's about what giving this up does to us inside. If eating a cheeseburger results in not eating a cheeseburger, then what the crap is the point? What do we need to give up for Lent. Is it just dietary? Certainly not. The things we give up should lead us into right relationship with God and others. We look at relationships, friendships, and family bonds: what do we need to give up in order to move towards right relationship with our loved ones? Is it fear or pride? It's a lot harder to give up chocolate, than it is to give up our fears or our pride. What are the things getting in the way of us getting real with ourselves and others, getting in the way of us spending time and energy to serve and love others?


Which is the symbol for lent?

This is WHY I believe that the Coptic Church needs to stop turning her back on us. When young gay men and women are not given proper guidance from people who have the authority to speak, we learn from those who may not have our best interests in mind. And let me make it clear, I'm not here trying to argue with anyone about the morality of homosexuality, there are plenty of other posts out there for that. I know that God can be very much preset in the lives and relationships of gay people as He is with straight people, and it is based on this firm belief that I say these things, the church is causing MORE HARM by leaving us be, without surrounding us with proper love and community. To give us ultimatums to not be gay, or be gone, is only making matters worse. Again, I feel redeemed, but it didn't have to be this way. I could very well have been a statistic. There are so many brothers and sisters of ours who have to deal with scars of being misguided and extreme.

But while the church is not doing her part, we as a community need to start doing our part. We need to remind each other of what is important, and what is true, to call out in each other what it is we truly seek, and what it is that will make us whole.

That's it for now. It's nice to be back.

Look Who's Back!

2011-02-22T16:09:00.000-08:00

Hello friends, I've been gone for quite a bit. Work is busy and then I got very distracted by this whole Revolution situation in Egypt. Life is tough, and I'm grateful to be here to tell about it another day.

I apologize deeply for being delinquent, I have so much to say and so much to hear from you all. I see so many folks have joined up on the Facebook community, so awesome!

It occurred to me the other day, we have work to do. More to follow.

Reader Submission: One Man's Story

2011-01-13T20:12:00.000-08:00

The following post was submitted by a reader, a young man from our community who goes by the name Atheous. I want to thank him for taking the time, and for his courage in sharing this story.

It doesn’t matter what my name is or where I’m from. None of these things matter when lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender teens commit suicide because they’ve been bullied. None of these things matter when they’re alone during the holidays because their families have shunned them. None of this matters when a wife finally realizes that she can’t change her gay husband and that their marriage is over. It’s important that my story gets out there because I know I’m not the only one.

Once upon a time in a far away place, a young boy innocent of the evils of the world began his journey of life. He was the only child and his parents toiled day and night to provide the basic necessities. Life was hard. My father juggled two jobs and medical school in hopes of making the American dream. When his dream turned into a nightmare of never ending student loan payments and the failure of medical school, he became controlling, domineering man, who liked to control every detail of our home life. My mother was an overworked woman, suffering from a terminal illness and found solace from her miserable life in fundamentalist Orthodoxy.

As a young boy, I remember my father calling for me in Arabic, “come under the covers, habibi. let’s snuggle.” I didn’t know what would happen because I was innocent of the evils of the world. I couldn’t say no to my father. He was my protector, the one who gave me unconditional love and provided me with food and shelter. My mother had an inkling of what was occurring at home when she found me hiding in my room scared one night. I didn’t tell her what had happened. I couldn’t tell her what had happened. I was afraid of my father’s wrath.

As the years went by, the abuse continued and my father’s anger grew uncontrollable. My mother’s denial reached a high point. On her days off, she would sleep through out the day. She began to call in sick from work and sleep even more and more. One day she had witnessed my father breaking into the bathroom while I was showering. He yelled at me to use more soap because I was a ‘dirty’ boy. He watched me as I lathered my body from head to toe with soap hoping to get the ‘dirt’ off my skin. At this point, she had enough and confronted my father about his behavior. He wouldn’t have any of it. He couldn’t handle having a woman telling him what to do. A physical altercation occurred. I closed the door, climbed up on my bed and went under the sheets. I kept on telling myself repeatedly that everything was going to be alright. I woke up the next day to an eerie silence: broken glass on the floor, over turned furniture in the living room and food on the walls. My mother had given up hope, she had complained to the priest at the local church and nothing happened. After that, she complained to the Bishop of diocese about the abuse: again, nothing changed. Her despair increased and her illness had begun to take a toll on her body. Every day, she prayed for a miracle.

Unfortunately, life wasn’t any better outside of home. I was bullied at school because I was different looking, had coarse hair, and acted ‘girly.’ But the bullying I encountered at school couldn’t compare to the bullying, I encountered at church. At church, I was bullied because they said I acted ‘girly,’ because I wore hand me downs, and because I didn’t fit in with the boys. Despite all the bullying at church, I went to church every Sunday, attended every bible study class on Wednesdays and even the pre-servants class on Saturday afternoons. Despite the bullying and hate around me, I achieved the deacon rank of aghnostos and taught Sunday school classes for more than 3 years.

However, behind the polished church creditails lay an incredibly broken boy. I was fourteen, 6 foot tall, lanky boy who was extremely naïve. One afternoon, I went to church for alhan lessons. I rode in a van full of other deacons and rode 40 miles to my church. I suffered the usual annoyances of any fourteen year old boy: wet willies, name calling and an occasional punch or two. I got out of the van and took a chair towards the back of the class. I opened up my psalmody and paid close attention to how Abouna sang the hymns. After about an hour and a half of learning praises, Abouna decided to take a break and hear another parishoner’s confession. All of the deacons went into the kitchen to get a bite to eat. That’s when the humiliation began: one of the deacons pinned me up against the wall and started to hump me. Then another boy, humped me, then another boy, then another boy, then another deacon, then another deacon and then another boy. All the while, I heard them calling me a “fag,” “gaywad,” and “gay.” After it had all happened, I was in complete shock and couldn’t speak. I stopped taking communion and believing that there was a higher power. My disbelief in God stemmed from the fact that I had encountered such evil from human beings that wore the touna, took communion and read the holy bible.

I couldn’t speak about what had happened for another 10 years. After I graduated high school and moved out for college, I began experimenting with drugs, alcohol and wanton sex to fill the void once held by religion. I was so high, so drunk that I didn’t know what was occurring around me. However, I am fortunate that I met a group of friends that rescued me from myself and my bad decisions. It was from my continuing interaction with non-religious, liberal and secular-humanists that I began to understand that there are people in the world that I can trust and confide in. I am proud to classify myself as a Coptic-Atheist because the people who gave me unconditional love, devotion and respect were non-judgmental regular folks who didn’t condemn the sinner to hell, nor hate the ‘sin.’ It was through their unconditional love, devotion and respect that I was able to close this dark chapter of my life, finish college with high honors and graduate medical school.

- Atheous

Bishop Youssef And Throwing Stones

2011-01-09T18:34:00.000-08:00

I feel I need to add a little pre-amble to this post, as it's gotten quite a reaction. This is a commentary on some of the teachings of His Grace Bishop Youssef of the Southern Diocese, in regards to the nature of homosexual orientation, as well as how to treat gay people that you may know. I found these teachings troubling. Bishop Youssef is a well respected leader in the church, because of his service and his education, and he has done a lot to build up the Southern Diocese to what it is. I write this post, not to bash him or everything he says, but I felt the need to make light of certain teachings. These particular teachings are common in our culture, among common people, and it just shocked me that His Grace included such opinions in his Q&A section on his site. These particular attitudes have justified some terrible behavior towards LGBT Coptic people in our community, and everyone just seems OK with it. We forget who our neighbors are, and don't think how our words may be piercing the hearts of the person who may be sitting next to us. I mean no offense to His Grace, personally, however, I had to speak up, because no one else is. Take it for what it is, this is just a blog, and I'm just one person. If you agree, wonderful, and if you don't, well that's OK too. Dialogue is more important to me than being right or being wrong. We're humans after all and we have much to learn.

"Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy. He wanted to see who Jesus was, but because he was short he could not see over the crowd. So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way. When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, I would ask you to come down and I would ask to stay at your house, however I do not want to appear like I approve of tax collecting, I do not want my reputation to be ruined by associating with you, nor do I, or would I ever want to be mistaken for a tax collector."

Wait, is that how the passage went? According to certain things I've read on the internet, this passage may as well have been written as such. More on this later.

There should be something made absolutely clear in regards to the Coptic Church's view on homosexuality: it is uninformed and very extreme. In comparison with even other Orthodox churches, there is something missing within the Coptic Church. The church has an official stance that does not take into account any of what studies have taught us about human sexuality, and results in a very inhumane and stubborn approach to not only the topic of homosexuality, but in the way it deals with people who identify themselves as LGBT.

One resource of particular interest to me, was that of the Coptic Orthodox Diocese of the Southern United States, where H.G. Bishop Youssef has a section on Frequently Asked Questions organized by topic, one of which is that of Homosexuality. Most of the questions receive the same answers, but at the same time, some of these answers were very troublesome to me, not just because I'm gay, but there seems to be something inherently wrong in the way that His Grace answers these questions, and I dare say, it is quite dangerous.

It is no wonder gay and lesbian people live in such fear: fear of humiliation, fear of rejection by family, priests, and of course, by God. Even other Orthodox Churches do not take such a backwards approach in teaching this subject. There are many reasons, that I can objectively respect, why a Church may feel that practiced homosexuality is not something that God desires for His people. While I do not agree with these reasons, and there is plenty in the Bible that shows why this approach is flawed, I can understand why an individual or community may come to that conclusion. However, there are beliefs being taught that are not only just flat out wrong, in their essence, they debase the message of the gospel. It is a message that leads to the further marginalization of gays and lesbians within the community, to the point where we do not even exist, not because we're not alive, but because we CANnot exist. It just saddens me to know that a representative body of Jesus could really care less about a certain group of people. I want to touch on these things being taught within the Coptic Church and explain why such beliefs are damaging to the community at large.

One such question given to His Grace, is regarding the Ukranian Orthodox Church in Canada's official statement on homosexuality which goes as follows:

"Orthodoxy distinguishes between a homosexual orientation and a homosexual expression of one's sexuality. While denouncing same sex sexual relations, we affirm the basic human dignity and rights of the person with a homosexual orientation. In short, homosexual acts are condemned, not homosexual people. The homosexual man or woman, then, is faced with a particular struggle with his/her sexuality that, by the grace of God and guidance of His Church, he or she can find a healthy, Christ-centered means of life."

His Grace responds as follows:

"You may find the church's complete formal statement regarding homosexual practices and persons at the link below. A term you used in your statement requires caution: "...but does not condemn someone for being naturally oriented in such a way so as to be attracted to the same sex?" We do not hold the notion that one is "naturally oriented" towards homosexuality, but rather the individual has consciously or unconsciously submitted to this desire (see Romans 1:18-32; Genesis 1:27). The church invites all people to repentance and agrees to baptize repentant persons (if baptized as adults) who adhere to all the teachings of the Coptic Orthodox faith."

So the Coptic Church as represented by His Grace believes this premise about human sexuality: that that no one can be naturally oriented towards homosexuality, but rather the individual has submitted to these desires. I'm not sure if His Grace understands that the book of Romans is not a manifesto on human psychology, any more than John 2:1-11 is a cookbook recipe on how to turn water into wine. In fact, 14 verses in the Bible should not be enough to explain the complexity of what human sexuality is. If the Orthodox Church at large recognizes that human sexuality is more complex than we have previously realized it to be, why is the Coptic Church so stubborn? There are countless sources and research that indicate that sexuality is something that is absolutely not chosen. It is no wonder, that the church's stance has become so oppressive and its dealings on the matter have not helped but harmed so many people, it's because the premise it's based on is a bold faced lie. To make such a bold statement, His Grace needs to back up such a statement, rather than flippantly throwing a verse out there that explains why human sexuality is indeed a choice.

There are plenty of people who are gay and lesbian within the church, and even those who have decided to live a life of celibacy, who can tell you, they have not chosen this. It's such a slap in the face to the scores of thousands of gay christians out there (and among whom I know hundreds) who I believe have prayed, fasted, and cried tears of desperation asking God to change them. To say it's a choice, even subconsciously, is to say the power of God is not as powerful as our psyche. It is to say that our subconscious, 100% of the time, trumps God's grace. It is to say that "ask and you shall receive", is nothing more than an submission of a request form into heavenly beauracracy and politics, hopefully if you know the right people, miracles can happen. For those who have been "healed" from homosexuality, I do not know of a single documented case where the "healed" person no longer is attracted to the same sex. Even those who have managed to move onto possibly being married to the opposite gender, all claim to still wrestle with homosexual attraction. With such little understanding of human sexuality, how is the church even equipped to dive into this issue and teach on it, without fear that they might be marginalizing God's own children, and turning the minds of the rest of the congregation in a way that teaches them to be less-Christ like.

Another question is posed:

"I do believe that homosexuality is a sin, but I feel that homosexuals are some of the kindest people I have ever met, and I fairly enjoy being around them (homosexual men in particular). Is this wrong?"

Minus the "homosexuality is a sin" part, this question could easily have been submitted by Grace Adler. He goes on to answering the question:

"Homosexuality is a sin and Christianity invites us to hate sin not the sinners. However, being around homosexuals and befriending them is wrong for the following reasons:

1. St. Paul's teaching about homosexuals is clear: "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (1 Cor 6:9-10). God considers all those mentioned in these verses ungodly; and do not deserve to inherit the kingdom of God. The Holy Bible tells us "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful" (Ps 1:1). It is a blessing not to be associated with such a crowd nor stand in their path, nor go their way.

2. By associating with them you will make them feel accepted and that there is nothing wrong with their behavior. This feeling would encourage them to live the life they are leading without considering changing it."

And my favorite:

"3. Your own reputation could get affected. When people see you around homosexuals; they might label you as one of them."

Do I need to comment on this? I think it speaks for itself. To be part of a faith that has for generations, tested the bounds of societal norms, whose very Leader lead a life of example where it was the workings of the heart, not social status or personal wealth, that determined the worth of a person, how can such nonsense be taught, let alone tolerated by its members. What is the point of being Christian, if the very essence of the Christian life is traded in for that which is saturated in fear and paranoia? I'm certain Bishop Youssef does not teach this way of approaching love and friendship for other people all the time, what makes it ok this time?

I have a few theories: One may be the fact that, he assumes that there aren't gay people in the church who are reading this. Another may be the fact that, gays are expendable members of the church, and their absence is of more value than their presence. If all of us are equal in the eyes of God, then who else should not be tolerated in the church? Have you ever asked: what makes this sort of marginalization permissible in this one case?

What is unfortunate, is that the words and statements made by higher clergy such as Bishop Youssef carry a lot of weight and power. People decide to turn their brains off when a Bishop speaks, and all is absorbed, and recorded, and not tested in the way we're called to test all things with discernment. Your Grace, if you happen to read this, whatever happened to compassion? Whatever happened to trying to understand those you disagree with? If Christ is the Good Shepherd, why allow your children to wander so far?

While we have leaders who may be spreading messages of intolerance and misunderstanding, we also have bishops and priests who are teaching messages of love and compassion, I just wish they'd raise their voices. The people can choose to follow the example of the Church's true founder and leader, and learn from the good news, as we see in the true conclusion to the story of Zacchaeus:

“Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly. All the people saw this and began to mutter, “He has gone to be the guest of a sinner.” But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.” Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”

Christmas In The Orthodox World

2011-01-06T14:29:00.000-08:00

Tonight, millions around the world are celebrating the birth of Christ in the Eastern tradition, including my brothers and sisters in the Coptic Church. For us, it is a solemn night, one that is filled with concern as the usual carefreeness of the Feast has been recently dampened by recent events. As I said in my previous post on Christmas, there is an ever present Emmanuel, God is With Us, this very night. And I wish my brothers and sisters peace, courage, and forgiveness, during these troubling times.

Here is a great slideshow from the BBC:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-12128728

Prayers For Egypt: New Years Massacre At Coptic Church

2011-01-03T16:46:00.000-08:00

I wanted to take a break from the normal flow of conversation to draw attention to something currently happening to our people in Egypt. Early on New Years Day, not even an hour after the turn of the new year, a suicide bomber detonated an explosive outside a Coptic Church in Alexandria, as the church was letting out for the New Year's Eve liturgy. Twenty-one people were killed, and scores were injured. Why did this happen? Many people think it is linked to the recent decree by Al-Qaeda, promising violence upon Copts and Chaldeans in their home countries of Egypt and Iraq respectively, as well as throughout the diaspora. This threat was in response to the supposed captivity of a Coptic woman by the church who supposedly converted to Islam.

It is clear that Christians in Egypt do not have the same status as Muslims. However I do not believe it is a problem between religions, but rather an issue of power from certain radical groups, unfortunately, such tragedies bring further division brought out by fear and the need for survival. There is an inequality and a huge injustice, by the mere fact that a Christian can convert to Islam peacefully, but a Muslim converting to Christianity can result in death for one or more parties. The government of Egypt is doing little to protect equality in the country, and as a result, incidences like what happened on New Years Day will continue to occur.

I just wanted to create awareness, because there is injustice happening in the world, and the more people are aware of this injustice, the more we become accountable to each other, hopefully resulting in a greater opportunity for peace and community. This is sad time for our people, and it breaks my heart to know this is happening to my brothers and sisters out there.

For more information on the attacks:

http://english.aljazeera.net/news/middleeast/2011/01/20111316634781484.html

http://www.npr.org/2011/01/02/132582087/worshippers-back-in-egyptian-church-after-attack

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-12107084

Why I Opened The Closet Door

2010-12-31T08:22:00.000-08:00

Just being able to admit to myself that I was gay, was a huge step in my life, as I was able to put a name on this "thing" that had been haunting me. I remember reading the stories of gay college kids, and thinking, wow, I really feel the same way here. Maybe being gay wasn't a choice after all. I knew in my heart of hearts I did not and would never have chosen it. I tried for years helplessly trying to pray and fast my nature away, only to be left feeling resentful and distrustful of a God that has promised love and justice. However, the freedom I experienced was very short lived.

It is thought that gay people will use and twist the Bible to embrace their sexuality. They need to feel justified in their heinous life, so they will do all that it takes. I assure you, I do no such thing. In fact, the only time I ever used the Bible for justification was when I was trying not to be gay.

I remember the tears in the eyes of my family and some close friends as I told them I could no longer subject myself to a belief system that was destroying me. It was a turbulent time for my family. It was as if I was beginning a new life that was unknown. I was only a year or so out of college, and my life was about to drastically change a second time. So why did I do it? Well, people in my life had their minds made up as to why I decided to embrace my homosexuality. They attributed it to:

Weakness: for not being able to withstand the temptations luring me into the gay community. For not being able to withstand my own internal pressures to interact physically with a man.

Deception: For being duped by people who use trickery and side logic in order to convince others to follow in their sinful and self-destructive ways.

Lacking Faith: For not praying hard enough, for not making Jesus the center of my life, and for not believing that even if I was going to be deprived from the male intimacy I craved, that Jesus would just be enough for me.

Why else would anyone want to give into their gay feelings?

Wrong. Dead wrong. Except no one wanted to hear me. If there were reasons that were virtuous in comparison to the above, then somehow their belief systems would fall apart. I had someone tell me once, that if homosexuality is OK, then everything they believed about God and the church must be false. How ridiculous is that! Why would the truth about one of the greatest love stories ever told, i.e. the gospel of Jesus Christ, hinge upon the morality of a sexual orientation? When on earth did this issue or subject become the focal point of one's faith?

Understanding this question is what began to lead me to a place where I no longer fought this. I could not by any means justify the life I was living. I tried. I tried using the Bible, I tried through prayer, and I just could not. It became the single thing that defined me, and I was defined by what I was NOT. I was NOT gay. That was my sexual identity: NOT gay. The church has created an idol out of this issue. It is a subtle but extreme version of idolatry that puts the issue of homosexuality over the gospel. It is idolatry that says: because you are gay, you cannot call yourself a Christian. It is fear and culture that demands such a statement, not the gospel, and definitely not our Father. In a world where illness, suffering, deceit, and chaos rule. In a world where financial status determines worth; in a world and in a church where the first shall be first and the last shall be last; In a system that is so antithetical to the way Jesus lived and taught, where the very core, and most important commandments given by Jesus are outrightly ignored and brushed aside because "we are not Jesus." In a religious community that spends most of its energy keeping cultural traditions alive rather than teaching its members how to be light and salt for the earth. Given all these dysfunctions that are very much acceptable by the Coptic Church, to say that homosexuality is the non-negotiable issue of our time, is a joke, and a mockery of everything Jesus lived and died for, and everything our forefathers fought for. And I was living proof of what this idolatry was doing to my soul. I was dying inside, and I was about to die on the outside.

There was no room for God to be God in my life, because all this intense energy was being spent struggling with something that was not going anywhere. I was telling God who I wanted Him to make me. The church and ex-gay programs put me through mental gymnastics trying to explain away every single thought I was having. Every desire for intimacy was labelled as sickness, and every attraction I had was merely a symptom of a disease inflicted on me by an unfortunate childhood, combined with possible genetic predispositions. After years and years of reinforcing this belief, my mind became poisoned, and my self esteem plummeted, and there was nothing that the church or anyone could have done to repair this, as long as the message was being reinforced, that in addition to all the issues I have in my life, the very thing that God gave me in order to experience His love in partnership, my desire for connection and intimacy, both emotional, physical and sexual, was cursed. What can a person do with such a toxic belief system? Where is the redemption?

But I did not have these realizations then. All this was not apparent at the time, as hindsight is 20/20 (or better). All I knew at the time was that one day, my life almost ended, and it was that night, I was saved. I had been asking myself for years: "What if homosexuality was a sin? Then I would truly go to hell if I embraced this identity." I finally had the guts to ask the question: "What if homosexuality in and of itself was NOT a sin?"

It was in that moment where I almost lost my life, that I no longer had to answer to my family, to my church, to my culture, to my community. The only person I cared to answer to was God, and myself. Because at the end of the day, when it came to survival, all the obligations I had to the above checklist became null and void. And I had to look at myself, and I had to look to God, and I had to ask the question as to what was to become of me. When the pressures of all the external things dissolved into ether, the question was no longer scary, and I saw myself clear as day.

What did I see? I did not have this overwhelming change of mind that "Being gay is OK, yay, gay!" No. I did not see that. What I did see was an ever-loving and patient God, who never left my side from the day I was born. I decided to take a chance and have FAITH in this God. I prayed and asked God for the strength to walk forward and to live according to what I did know, as opposed to all the things I didn't know.

I truly believed many things I had learned growing up were true, but as for the rest, I was not so sure. I decided I was no longer going to live according to what I didn't believe, or what I was not sure I believed, but rather to focus on what I actually did believe in my heart of hearts. I decided to live according to what little I did believe and see what happened from there, and maybe my faith GROW naturally. So I put away a belief system that had lead me to the brink of my own destruction, and to the destruction of many.

In that first step, I acknowledged that I did not know if homosexuality was OK or not, but I was to trust that this God who never left my side would continue to stand beside me and live within me. That he was going to show me the way through all the confusion. This was the simple faith I finally found in my life, and for the first time in I don't know how many years, I saw the world vibrant and fresh. You could say I was born again, a thing that I always thought looked a certain way based on testimonies of many, however this was my story.

But it was a risk, and I trusted God with that risk.

Life is bigger than this issue, and I started experiencing life again. I put my energies into the things that mattered, and lived according to what was at the time, just a theory, that my sexuality was as moral as any heterosexual's, and that I was not going to be judged by my sexuality but rather what I did with it. Needless to say, I felt normal for the first time in my life. And check this out: I felt equal with other men. That was a huge shock to me, but it was true. And most of all, I felt peace. It was this peace that carried me through a time of healing, where the pain I had felt from this ex-gay past was being washed away by grace. It was that peace that got me through the difficult tasks of being myself in a world that I thought was going to reject me. I was pleasantly surprised how much love and support I received from friends and some family members. Still, my immediate family and some friends attributed my new found zeal and passion for life, and peace with my sexuality with the afore mentioned reasons of weakness, deception, and faithlessness: all reasons that they needed to believe, not because it was true, but because the implications of seeing this issue in a different light was too great to deal with.

It has been several years, and in these several years since I made that first step, I have not had a single reason to go backwards. There were times of joy and times of deep sorrow. There were times of purity and times where sin got the best of me. Doesn't that sound like every other person on the planet who ever lived? In fact, my sexuality is just no longer an issue. It's just a small part of the many things that make up who I am. But through living this life, I am learning, ever so clearly, that I can have a relationship with God and an intimacy with Jesus and still be a gay man. I am learning that just because I am gay, it does not mean, that the concept of sin, or rather, things that separate me from God and myself, do not exist. In fact, this act of just being myself has allowed me to experience real and true grace that I had missed out on for so many years.

And this was the real kicker: I learned that I can be in a romantic relationship with another like-minded man, following the standards set before us, and have this relationship blessed by God. Yes, I have experienced a God centered gay relationship. And frankly it looks no different than straight relationships. You think being gay is all about sex? False. Especially not if you choose it to be. I learned that the gay world seen in the media is just a fraction, just as the straight world represented by MTV is just a fraction, and that people are just people, and it's as simple as that. We are given a command to love. It doesn't take a rocket-scientist to know what love looks like, or what it does not look like. In this command of Love, all other commands, debates, and fears just pale in comparison.

Undemonic Desire: Homosexuality and Orthodox Spirituality

2010-12-27T07:52:00.000-08:00

The following post was written by a reader and contributor going by the name Bishoy. It is a brilliant commentary on sexuality and desire, and the misattribution of desire to negative spiritual forces. To the author, thank you for taking the time to write this.

Many responses against any sin by Coptic Orthodox clergy and servants who are responsible for teaching in the Church always go back to the troubles that the demons create. In the Desert Fathers (and Mothers), the majority of evil thoughts that these monks and nuns fought against came from the demons, especially as described in the Apophthegmata Patrum. With the renaissance of this literature among the contemporary monastic movement in Egypt and its wide reading among clergy and laypeople living in the cities, many people have mistakenly assumed that the demons mentioned in those stories and sayings of the ancient Desert Fathers (and Mothers) are indeed what everyone experiences in their spiritual lives. If the holy St. Macarius, in the middle of the desert, could get the thoughts of fornication because of a demon, then that same demon can influence the youth today in giving them thoughts of fornication. The clergy and servants then teach that it is necessary to fight off this demon by inhibiting the sexual desires - and they would often teach this by saying really negative things about sexuality.

More importantly for the discussion in this blog, the Coptic Church responded to the issue of homosexuality - that is, the experience of Christian people who happen to have a homosexual orientation - as though it is a deception from the demons, and as such needs to be fought off through prayer, fasting and communion. Nevertheless, many Christians who happen to be homosexuals will inform you that no matter how much fasting, prayer, and communion they’ve engaged in, they are still convinced that they are homosexuals. This does not imply that they have engaged or want to engage in homosexual behaviour, but it is just how they view themselves based on their experiences and desires. This leads to the following questions: is homosexuality from the demons? Is the understanding of the Christian person who participates in the sacraments and spirituality of the Church being deceived by the thought of being a homosexual through a demon?

The straightforward answer is: No.

The Church, unfortunately, has missed the whole point of the psychology and spirituality of the Desert Fathers (and Mothers). The Church has mistakenly attributed all human desires to thoughts from the demons. This is not the teaching of the Desert Fathers (and Mothers), and it is based on a misreading (or lack of accurate reading and study) of the literature. There is a huge difference between “desire” and “thoughts,” and unfortunately the Church today has confused the two things as though they are one. So, let’s get back to the basics:

Every human person is naturally endowed with desires. According to the philosophy of the Desert Fathers and Mothers, and Church Fathers and Mothers, those desires are morally neutral. They are given to us by God, and are in fact a part of the soul. In contemporary language, these desires are our senses, personalities, feelings, and emotions.

Take, for example, the feeling of hunger. This is the desire for the body to eat. Morally speaking, the fact that you are hungry and that you desire food to satisfy this hunger is neither a passion nor a virtue - so it is morally neutral. How you choose to act to satisfy this hunger could either be a passion or virtue: if you decide to gorge yourself with food, then that is considered gluttony, which is a passion; but if you decide to eat in moderation, then that is considered continence. If someone is a glutton, then there is need for repentance and spiritual exercises (ascesis) to practice and finally reach the virtuous life of eating with continence and sharing in love with your hungry neighbours.

So, remember that there are three things mentioned here:
1) Desire: Morally neutral, and is a part of the human soul, which can be used either:
2) In Passion: Sin.
3) In Virtue: God-like

Where do the thoughts come into play?

The thoughts coming from the demons, according to the Desert Fathers, are basically conceptual images that come to their minds and that causes their natural desires to act in passion, and therefore sin. St. Evagrius of Pontus, who is known as the “Psychologist of the Desert,” explains: “All thoughts inspired by the demons produce within us conceptions of sensory objects; and in this way the intellect, with such conceptions imprinted on it, bears the forms of these objects within itself” (Texts on Discrimination in Respect of Passions and Thoughts #2, in The Philokalia, Vol. 1, 38). Thoughts, also, are not similar to what we today would call an “idea,” or “theory,” or anything that has to do with the human understanding of one’s existential self. There is certainly much more to say beyond what I could discuss here about the topic of thoughts, whether they are from demons (which lead to passion), from the Holy Spirit (which lead to virtue), or just plain human thoughts, and I encourage further reading of the Desert Fathers and the Philokalia in order to learn about and discern the different kinds of thoughts.

So, let’s say a monk in the desert is very hungry (which, we’ve shown above to be a natural human desire), and a demon gave that monk a “thought” of a magnificent dinner in a comfortable palace that he used to live in back in Rome before he became a monk. The monk now has to either fight off that thought, which is a conceptual image of a banquet in a palace, or give up on his monasticism and return to the old comfortable life he once had as a prince. So, this is an example of a “thought.” It would seem silly to insist that the monk has to fight off his natural desire of hunger - that is impossible, and would lead him to death. For this reason, the spirituality of the Church has always been careful so as not to confuse “desires” with “thoughts” - the monk ought to fight off the thoughts coming from the demons or from his own memories, but not his own natural desires.

Now, how does this tie up with homosexuality?

A person with a homosexual orientation is like a person who is hungry. That is a natural sexual desire. Human sexuality is a natural desire, and the Desert Fathers (and Mothers) have never spoken as though they were against the sexual desires, which is a part of their souls, but only against the thoughts of fornication. They also never spoke of the virtue of moderation in sexual relationships, because they were speaking in their own contexts of living in chastity.

If a person who understands him or her self as a homosexual fantasizes of having sexual acts with people they do not intend to be in relationships with, then one could say that such conceptual images are thoughts brought about by demons to let that person fall in the sin of fornication. However, just knowing, through the intellect, that a person is homosexual is in itself morally neutral, and such it is not a thought by a demon.

So, a person with a homosexual orientation is not someone who has been convinced by a demon that he or she is a homosexual. Such a person is not expected to fight off their natural human sexual desire, because it is morally neutral, and just as in the case of human sexual desire between heterosexual couples, it should not lead to the passion of fornication, but should be practiced as the virtue of moderation.

In conclusion, the homosexual orientation is a human desire. As a human desire, and part of the human soul, it is morally neutral. It is not a thought from the demons, because demons cannot affect the soul (or mind) of the human person and convince them of their own nature. The demons are not telling anyone they are homosexuals, and homosexuals cannot be told by the Church that they are possessed or influenced by demons to believe that they are homosexuals, and must fight off those thoughts through repentance and prayer. Demons can, however, give thoughts (that is, conceptual images) to any human person in order to lead them to fornication, whether in their minds or in reality. In the latter case, it would be recommended that the person practices the spirituality of the Church and participates in the sacraments, so as to avoid such thoughts that would result in sin. Participating in the sacraments and praying do not remove the homosexual orientation because it is a human desire and is a part of the soul, but they will allow for the person to grow in Christ and avoid the thoughts that would lead to fornication. In the former case of human desire, it is the Church that should be aware of its own Tradition of teachings that demons cannot affect the soul, that human desire is morally neutral and cannot change (until death), and that no one ought to attempt to change those desires, because that would be destructive of the human person as a whole.

Silent Night

2010-12-25T14:03:00.000-08:00

O Come, O Come Emmanuel

And ransom captive Israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the Son of God appears

Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, O Israel

What does it mean to be Gay and Coptic on Christmas? Well for me, it's the above lyric. Nothing more, and nothing less. Presents are fun but who needs them. It's about remembering that amidst all the monotony, the strife and pain and confusion, there is a constant Emmanuel, the very real and present "God Is With Us."

Recommended reading: On The Incarnation by Athanasius

Where My Sisters At?

2010-12-23T19:24:00.000-08:00

It's very evident that the experiences of being a gay man are being represented here. Not only is the male experience being represented, most of the comments that are countering some of the thoughts posted on this blog are targeting male homosexuality. Can we get a little respect for our sisters please?

There are lesbians who identify with being Coptic as well, I wonder where they are at. If you're out there, please contact me. I'd love to have a few of you write for this blog, expressing your thoughts and your experiences growing up Coptic and also being a lesbian.

It's clear that a part of the picture is missing, and we need your voices.

Just (Don't) Do It: An Epilogue To Cross Dressing Saints

2010-12-17T17:28:00.000-08:00

One of the many comments on my original thread entitled "Cross Dressing Saints", read as follows:

Now when looking at any commandment we must see why God would want us to refrain from cross-dressing. It is because cross-dressing shows a sort of contempt for being the gender God made you, and a desire to be the other gender and/or a rebellious nature, all of which are not Christian.

However what these Saints did was very different. They didn't do it rebelliously or out of contempt for their gender or a desire to be the other gender. Rather they did it so that they'd live closer to God. Surely this wasn't the Spirit of the law that God gave. What these Saints did was in line with the spirit of the law.

I think this is the point I'm actually trying to make. While gender identity is a lot more complex than we often take for granted, there is something to be said for this notion that showing contempt for who you were created or born to be by acting differently might not be good for the soul. Notice the passage in Deuteronomy does not say "Do not show contempt for the gender God made you." It simply says "A woman must not wear a man's clothing..." and continues on "...for the Lord your God detests anyone who does this."

When the church canonized these saints, I'm sure the church must have asked herself, "what did God mean by this verse in the Pentateuch? Is this an all-encompassing statement? Is there a context in which a person wearing the clothing of the opposite gender is ok?" Maybe not in those exact words, but you get my drift. The church herself deemed the motivations of these women, not only permissible, but admirable, and holy, and from the fruits of the lives of these women, I dare say, so did God.

The same question needs to be asked in regards to Homosexuality. Is the Bible truly making a blanket statement? What did homosexual contact and behavior represent at the time? You might brush these questions off as "liberal" or "agenda-oriented", but you'd be doing yourself a tremendous disservice. Why do we respond to some verses with conversation and inquiry, and others as ipso facto commands? The answer is easy. We're self centered.

For people who apparently do not have to deal with same sex attraction, there is no need to look deeper into these verses. For a church that is afraid of the "Culture Wars" as someone had put it, a hard line is necessary for the assumed preservation of the whole, even at the expense of a divergent few. But when it comes to a person who is actually experiencing these feelings, understanding the truth behind these passages becomes ever so important, because the resulting understanding will completely drive not only the course, but the well-being of this person's life and relationships. A person who loves himself will be able to love others and love God. Not so much for the self-hating man or woman.

To dismiss the importance of these questions is to spit in the face of these people whose very lives are affected. Understanding if we are truly required to give up all forms of same-sex romantic and intimate love, can mean the difference between being a healthy and a very broken person. It is not just a matter of "not doing it." There are plenty of people out there who simply just "don't do it" who fall victim to a whole host of psychological and behavioral issues that do not affect just themselves. Are "crowns in heaven" the reward for the whole host of sins they commit as a result of the one "sin" they managed to avoid? Don't ask me, ask the wives who are emotionally and physically neglected by these husbands. Just ask the youth who have become either emotional or sexual prey to over-controlling and manipulative church leaders or mentors. (Ever meet someone of the same gender who was just a little creepy? Who took too much of an interest in you and while it was nice at first, ended up controlling and suffocating you? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about). Ok let's ask other people. Just ask the young man who has a messy and complicated relationship with his best friend. And while you're at it, ask the parents of dead gay and lesbian children, who have lost the loves of their lives because their children could not handle it anymore.

While people both gay and straight choose to live celibate lives for a variety of reasons, how one approaches and arrives at this conclusion will make the difference whether or not this person will be healthy or are actually harming themselves. You don't need to look past your very life to see the difference between heaven and hell. If simply "not doing it" is a virtue, then how do you explain all the rotten fruit in these forests of obedience?

So while the church might very well always believe that homosexual activity is wrong, how they communicate this message, how they will deal with their own children who disagree, and how they deal with their own congregations will make the difference in whether or not the church is able to continue being a light in this world to all people. It is obvious that the church does have a long ways to go before it can get to this place, but the question is, will she do her homework, or will she even bother? Based on the resources available, it's still "not a Coptic issue."

Video: Gay and Christian?

2010-12-16T20:44:00.000-08:00

I have to give props to Justin Lee of the Gay Christian Network for putting together this video series that I came across today. It's an intro to the question of how someone can be both Christian and gay. It goes over briefly, the different views, or Side A vs. Side B. For those of you who are questioning what the hell to do with yourself, just know it's not a one-size-fits-all situation. Enjoy the video. Thanks for the comments and the emails. It's proving that we're really not alone after all.

It looks like they've also put together a video, where people are giving their testimonies. Whether you agree or not, these are human beings, these are peoples lives. Their voices deserve to be heard. Thank all of you in the video for having the courage to do this

Weekend's almost here! Have a safe and happy one, i.e. Don't do anything I would do :)

Silent Majority?

2010-12-14T15:47:00.000-08:00

I have a secret. It's something you probably didn't know. Maybe you knew, heck, maybe you're one of a silent population out there. But this is an important secret, why? Because this draws attention to a little known fact, that really, we're not as alone as we think we are. Are you ready? Here it goes:

straight coptic people support us

I'm telling you the truth. Straight coptic people SUPPORT us. You might be thinking: "Well of course there are quite a few straight people who attend church every year at Easter, who probably brush their teeth before taking communion, who think Tai-shori is sung during the Feast of the Cross when it's clearly supposed to be Ti-shori. Oh, and also if they had read Bishop Youssef's commentary on the subject they would clearly know how His Grace thinks of this matter, and what is then expected of us. Amateurs!"

Actually, both in my real life, and from emails I've gotten through this blog, there are quite a number of people, much more than I had expected, who are straight, who are coptic, who actually believe and serve in the church faithfully, but who see past the simplistic answers given by the church (lowercase C). They've come to understand that especially regarding this issue, there is a lot more than meets the eye.

Unfortunately many are afraid to get their views out there and a few have told me, they'd rather not speak up about it. Why? Well, it's rather simple. Our culture oppresses. There, I said it. If you think differently, look differently, act differently, if you even eat differently, you will receive the judging eye of your congregation, and to many, that is their life, their family, and their community. And it's understandable, we don't want to be ostracized by our friends, and we don't want to ruin our reputations. We do want to get married after all. But it's not only that. There is a certain respect we have for the teachings of our church, that we love so much. In the past 1500 years, the church has been through so much, that we have developed a sense of pride in what our ancestors went through, in order for us to be who we are today. But in that respect, we tend to have blurred vision, when it comes to what the Church gave us, and what the church demands.

But for you brothers and sisters who have given your love, your hugs, your emails, and unconditional support and understanding, I dedicate this to you. You make this world safer for people like me. You remind me that there is no straight or gay, but only people. And you are Jesus to those who have the privilege to know you. Thank you.

Of Sheep and Men

2010-12-11T08:58:00.000-08:00

Photo: Mitchell Kanashkevich

Yesterday's reading is an old favorite: John 10:1-6. An excerpt:

The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep. But a hireling, he who is not the shepherd, one who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees; and the wolf catches the sheep and scatters them. The hireling flees because he is a hireling and does not care about the sheep. I am the good shepherd; and I know My sheep, and am known by My own. As the Father knows Me, even so I know the Father; and I lay down My life for the sheep. And other sheep I have which are not of this fold; them also I must bring, and they will hear My voice; and there will be one flock and one shepherd.

The story goes like this:

A young man or woman in the church, realizes she is gay and goes in one of two directions. Consider the stories of Sally and Jack

1) Sally ignores her feelings, and she pretends they're not there and proceeds forward, assimilating with the community around her. She has problems with intimacy, and will become a pro at deceiving herself and others.

2) Jack knew at an early age he was not compatible with the church community around him. He acknowledges this conflict and decides that spirituality as a whole is garbage. He knows that he himself would be judged harshly if people knew, and he sees first hand, from the pulpit to the coffee hour, how much the church lacks compassion for those who are different, who think, dress, and act different, and decides, why should he bother?

I've spoken to many gay and lesbian coptic people and this seems to be the common themes. I was Sally, and then I was Jack, and then by grace and by love, I learned there was another way. First of all, I have a hard time claiming truth, especially about who God is. It is not for me to say, as I am just one man. I prefer to let the Divine do the talking here. I think that God reveals himself to us in ways that are very personal. I am not an advocate for one church over another, I just know that for many of us who are gay who come from a Coptic background, we see God as a very all or nothing thing. He is either a bigger version of the strictest priest or father we've ever known, or he's a figment of the imaginations of the power structures, created by religious institutions to make money and keep us in check. Unfortunately, there is no hope in either one of these options.

My heart breaks for brothers and sisters of mine, who are either living in fear and are completely split off from themselves, or feel so rejected and out of place, that they lose themselves in very dangerous behavior with questionable company.

Then there's the great paradox: Sometimes we actually do believe in God, we believe he's against our sexuality, and yet, we still find a way to live as gays and lesbians, but because we are already rejected, we don't value ourselves as gay people, we don't respect other gay people, and we live irresponsibly with our own hearts and with the hearts of others. I have experienced this, and let me tell you, it's painful.

I dated a man who lived his life in this way, he broke my heart as a result of his own self-hatred. Because he felt his love for me was disobedient, he felt he didn't need to respect it. In a way, many of us do not want to believe that God is pleased and has actually blessed us as gay and lesbian children of his, because it relieves us from responsibility. There's a theory in psychology that says, sometimes when we've crossed a line, the line disappears. Sometimes the existence of God and his supposed disapproval, gives us the freedom to do crazy things. Even more than a person who doesn't believe in God at all.

We're still children, rebelling against our parents.

But at the root of all this, I believe is self hatred. Years of rejection, either directly or indirectly, can make a person reject themselves, and that becomes the norm. And as a result we have a population who is broken, and whether they know it or not, desire love: true love, but feel completely unworthy of it.

For me the change came, when I stopped telling people what they wanted to hear, and I started telling the truth. The change came for me, when I told people "this is who I am." and accepted their love, or their rejection. The change came for me, when I was surrounded by people who saw me no different as a gay man, than they did when they thought I was straight. The change came for me when I found myself in community with people who were like me, not necessarily gay, but who shared my vision, my hopes, and my beliefs. The change came for me, when I met a man I could pray with, and with whom I could bring our relationship before God. The change came for me, when I found myself in a faith community that said I was welcome as me. I began understanding what love was. I began understanding what divine grace was. And I began hurting for all those years I missed out. I finally started to understand that just because I was gay, it didn't mean I had to engage in the stereotypical behaviors that is often expected of me. I could just really be myself. It was through all this that I learned that I was actually OK, and that I was a child of God, except now, I could actually live my life as such.

I know the church has no idea how to handle people who are gay and lesbian. Her sermons, her publications, and her leadership prove this time and time again. Whether or not the Coptic church sees that being gay is a viable and holy option for some people, I believe there is room in the church to open her arms, and to embrace her children who have either left, or who have been rejected by her. Otherwise, I do fear judgement on this institution, which has such a rich history of art, literature, theology, and grace, that if such closed-mindedness continues, she would have traded her purpose to be a vessel of love and grace in this world, for stagnancy and then complete dissolution.

Undercover At A Gay Conversion Camp

2010-12-09T20:27:00.000-08:00

There's a switch inside every gay man, that can set this man straight. However it's kind of rusty, and it takes years of fasting and prayer to loosen it up, and even then, it gets stuck. But the problem isn't the switch, it's just that gay men just aren't trying hard enough! At least that's what groups like Exodus International tell people when their members aren't straight enough, at least that's what they told me.

While many gay men have experienced ex-gay conversion therapy and some have lived to tell about it, how many straight guys do you know undergo therapy to cure their homosexuality? In a brilliant attempt to expose both the uselessness as well as the danger of ex-gay programs, Ted Cox, a writer from Sacramento, also a heterosexual man, went undercover posing as a gay man, and signed up for Journey Into Manhood, a program designed to change gays into straights, by use of quasi-psychology, attempted spirituality, and a whole lot of Kool-Aid.

I'm not sure exactly why such a story is more interesting than, let's say, your average gay dude doing the same thing, I think it hits me on a few levels:

1. The fact that a straight man cares enough about the well being of gay men. I mean, this is huge. Whenever someone decides they're going to be in solidarity with someone, or someones that they are not, it just humbles me, and touches my heart, and reminds me of all the good that exists in the world. He willfully put himself in someone else's shoes, shoes that, while fashionable, fit way too tight, and walked in them for several days. So much so that he would undergo a journey into the unknown, one where he ended up feeling a man's erection for the first time. For real.

Sometime during all that holding and touching and singing, while I was cradled in the Motorcycle position, I felt it: the unmistakable bulge pressing through his tight jeans. It was the first time in my life I had a felt another man’s erection.

I attended an ex-gay group in Los Angeles many years ago, at the recommendation of a Coptic priest, and this sort of thing happened all the time. In fact, more seasoned members saw me as "new meat" in retrospect, and told me that I desired affection more than sex, so we should cuddle and spoon with each other so we can train ourselves to receive intimacy without having to be sexual. Granted, heavy crushes ensued, and plenty of physical reactions and salutes, and while I never engaged in anything sexual with these men, the lines were very blurry, and at the end of the day, we were behaving as boyfriends on an emotional level, while leaving sex out of it, creating some real internal conflicts. Jealousy, attachment, dependency, it all existed in this group. I found myself almost in love with another member, and just hating myself for feeling something I shouldn't have been feeling, especially when I was doing things that was supposed to make me less gay. But how can you spend nights in the arms of someone, without growing romantically attached to them? It's just so contrary to who we are designed as people. Oy vey! Luckily that didn't last too long.

2. The so-called "reasons" why men end up being gay become somewhat debunked when the author realizes his story is not so different from the other guys in the program, except, he's not gay!

Dad and I haven’t spoken much in the 10 years since I left the Mormon church; in fact, I haven’t heard from him at all in three years. And yet, despite being raised by an abusive, spiritually castrated father, I have a strong preference for women.

This was a big one for me. Yes, we had problems at home, but these issues very much affected me growing up. These were issues I did not even want to remember, until ex-gay experiences brought them back up, resurfaced them, and they were a tool in explaining why I was feeling same-sex attraction (SSA). I mean it made perfect sense. And it made perfect sense that once these wounds were healed, so would my attractions to men. And these wounds started healing as I sought reconciliation with my parents, especially my father. However, I remained gay. Then there were guys in the ministry who had the perfect childhoods, who were still gay. And then there were my straight friends who had equally jacked up childhood experiences as I had, and were very much attracted to women. Maybe NARTH needs to get their facts straight!

But let me emphasize something. The Orthodox church can look at this, and say, well that's all mumbo jumbo, and these programs are clearly deficient and doing more harm than good, but what about will power? Unfortunately the church teaches that even being attracted to men is a sin. A sin that plagued me since I was a little boy. That's a story for another time, back to Ex-Gay Undercover!

Also what Ted sees, is a group of men, who are sincerely wounded, who are sincerely looking for help and for healing in their lives. One cannot help but feel bad for the recruits, and disdain for the leaders.

While I have made peace with the fact I spent many years trying to fix myself, and many years being faithful to something that ended up harming me, I wish those years had not happened. I'm left thousands of dollars poorer, and with emotional baggage that I am still working through at times. But again, I feel lucky. Lucky to be alive, and lucky to be loved.

Ted, I salute you. Read the full article here on Good Men Project

I Dedicate This To You

2010-12-09T13:14:00.000-08:00

This post is dedicated to you:

If you're lonely and confused, this post is dedicated to you.

If you are pretending to be something that you're not in order to survive, this post is dedicated to you.

If you're living in a country, that has laws that has laws that threaten your life, this post is dedicated to you.

If you're a sunday school teacher, and have no idea how to deal with a student in your class who you think is gay, this post is dedicated to you.

If you're a parent and just found out your son or daughter is gay, and you're afraid about how the world will view them or your family, this post is dedicated to you.

If you're gay and you've recently come out, this post is dedicated to you.

If you met the partner of your dreams, this post is dedicated to you.

If you've had your heart broken, this post is dedicated to you.

If you're not gay, but you know what it feels like to be completely misunderstood by those around you, this post is dedicated to you.

If you've ever been called "fag" by someone at church, this post is dedicated to you.

If you've ever HEARD the word "fag" spoken by someone at church, this post is dedicated to you.

If you are gay and in the closet, and your church friends say inflamatory things about gay people, whether in jest, disgust, or ignorance, mainly because they think they're completely in the company of other straight people: this post is dedicated to you.

If you're gay, and you hate yourself so much because of it, that you do harm to others, and make others feel small, this post is dedicated to you.

If you're not gay but have no idea how to relate to a friend you recently found out was gay, this post is dedicated to you.

If you're a church leader or servant, and you are struggling with attraction to the same sex, and are feeling the pressure of having to carry the souls of young people in your hands, but do not know what to do or where to go: this post is dedicated to you.

If your parents have rejected you, this post is dedicated to you.

If your priest has rejected you, this post is dedicated to you.

If you have felt the love of another person, who accepts you as you are, this post is dedicated to you.

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

1 John 3:18

Cross-Dressing Saints

2010-11-23T01:00:00.000-08:00

A woman must not wear men’s clothing, nor a man wear women’s clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this. - Deuteronomy 22:5

This has come up in the coptic church albeit very rarely. Like homosexuality, the church does not really address the issue of cross-dressing, because it is not a "coptic problem", along with such things as abortion, domestic abuse, and AIDS. So what is the church's view of cross-dressing? In bible studies and youth groups, I've heard coptic clergy say that trying to imitate the gender opposite of what you are is sinful because it is not how God made you. Let's take the clergy's opinion out of the equation, the bible makes it pretty clear, as stated in the quote from Deuteronomy, above.

So how does the church seem to reconcile this with all the crossdressing saints that the church has canonized and recognized over the years? Wait, what? Cross-dressing saints?

Actually, yes, the Coptic Church has in its Cloud of Witnesses, a bunch of saints who have lived their lives as a gender different than what they were, biologically. There are even Coptic Churches named after these saints. Most of them are women, who lived lives as men, for survival, or for the mere fact they wanted to be monks themselves. Some of them have amazing stories of courage as they attempted such a lifestyle in order to serve God in the best way they saw fit, and moreover, many of their genders were not discovered until after their death.

An example of such a saint is St. Marina:

On the fifteenth day of the blessed month of Mesra, the church celebrates the commemoration of the departure of the nun St. Marina, who was the daughter of a very rich Christian man. Her name was Mariam, and her mother died when she was little girl. Her father raised her, and brought her up well. When he wanted to give her in marriage, and to go himself and become a monk in one of the monasteries, she told him, “O my father, why would you save your own soul, and destroy mine?” He answered saying,” what shall I do with you? You are a woman.” She told him, “ I will take off my woman’s dress and will put on the garb of a man.”

She rose up straightway, shaved off the hair on her head and put on the garb of a man. When her father saw her strong determination and persistent desire, he gave all his possessions to the poor, keeping only a very littler for himself, and he called her Marina instead of Mariam (Mary).

From the Coptic Synaxarion, 15 Mesra. Read more: http://www.copticchurch.net/topics/synexarion/marina.html

I don't think anyone could argue the direct conflict we have with the words of the Bible, however, could this be an example, where context and spirit was more important than the letter of the law? These women were courageous, and faced severe punishment for their choices of living life as a man, yet they persevered and were greatly rewarded by God, to the point that the Church herself has recognized them as canonized saints. Makes ya think....

Some others of these saints include:

St. Anna/Euphemianos of Constantinople
St. Eugenia/Eugenios of Alexandria
St. Theodora/Theodorus of Alexandria
St. Thekla of Iconium

Voluntary Imprisonment: Why I Joined The Ex-Gay Movement

2010-11-08T04:31:00.000-08:00

One of the main questions people ask me, is "why?" Why did I spend time and money trying to change something that obviously could not be changed? Why did I make the effort for years to be "cured" from something that was obviously not an illness? Well the answer is, because none of those facts were obvious to me at all. In fact I entered into the whole experience with a certain assumption, and it was that homosexuality was sinful, and not only sinful in the eyes of God, but also a sin in the eyes of the church, community, and my family, and when you sin in the eyes of the community, there is far less grace, and far more hellfire. There was actually more fear instilled in me growing up, about the repercussions of sinning against the community, in a way, it outshone the notion of Hell, in regards to the fire and brimstone and suffering arena. I never quite understood this before this very moment as I'm writing it out, but I was more afraid of shaming myself and my family, than I ever was of eternal fire.

Imagine that.

Coming from a family which had problems (as if we were the only one), it made sense to me the day I read on the internet "You can be free from homosexuality because your jacked up family made you this way." You see, I had spent most of my life living as a straight man. While I had no aching desire for sex with a woman, I was convinced at a young age that the devil was the cause of these feelings that I had, so I pretty much lived life as a straight guy, while secretly lusting over other men, looking at gay porn in secrecy, but I was not really fully conscious of it. It was as if it was this other part of me that was doing it. This other persona, that only existed when the room was empty and the computer was on; that only existed in my dreams. I even got an elaborate tattoo of a coptic cross on my wrist for many reasons including an attempt to curb the perpetual need to touch myself in response to ungodly feelings.

At the same time, I was never quite present in life. Being so split off from my sexuality made me sorta a-sexual, without emotion, without real matter. I always felt ethereal and I connected to things that were ethereal and above the plane of reality. I loved the tasbeha or midnight praises of the Coptic Church, and I found peace there so I spent a lot of time at the church, but this ether made me also lack concentration and focus, it made me lack real direction as far as who I was, and who I wanted to be. Church became an escape, a place where I didn't have to deal with me. In fact, I had no idea who I was, and would have liked nothing more than some natural disaster to wipe us off all the planet, because that made more sense than the nothingness I'd always felt. Don't let the friends, grades, activities, fun, trouble, and girls fool you: I was completely lost, lacking any sense of who I was.

People always saw me as asexual and safe, I was the nice fun guy with a good personality who wasn't quite hot, and wasn't quite anything, so relational life just didn't exist for me in high school and college. After falling in love with a guy who was a surfer who lived in my dorm (this inlove-ness i felt was from afar: he ended up being straight), it hit me like a rushing wave (of sulphuric acid), that I was not like other boys. I think the birds who sang outside my window as an 8 year old could have told me this. I don't think it was any secret, but the reality hit me like a ton of bricks. The kind of bricks that had been molded with jagged edges and painted with scary colors, and screaming faces. In a matter of hours, as this reality sunk in, I found myself in a daze, and could no longer function, like this whole new reality that made sense over everything I was feeling. My friends remember that week for me, because they said I was like, not well, they saw a lack of focus in my eyes, and a heaviness on my heart.

But there was another very real aspect of my life that I had to take into account, the fact that I had a very real relationship with both God and the church, and I had believed in the teachings of the Bible to the letter, where I was shown that homosexuality was something that was not only displeasing to God but was something that was unnatural and worthy of damnation. It wasn't the kind of church relationship that kept me being a good boy, no it was far deeper than that. It was a place where I found real peace and joy, it was a place where I saw big healing happen in my family. The tenants of the gospel in how to treat others was just so real to me, and I saw the real deep truth in it. And that's where I found myself in a huge conflict. Two opposing truths, both very real and relevant. I know I did not choose my sexuality because I was so young when these feelings became present, and the "normal" feelings of being attracted to girls just weren't there.

I went back to my dorm, and I got on my knees beside my bed, and I admitted something that I had never even admitted to myself up until that very day, 21 years old, honest for the first time, on my knees by my bed, sobbing my heart out, while at the same time, this huge burden lifted off my shoulders. I was… gay. Took me a long time to say the word, but I said it. I came out to myself and to the good Lord almighty. I felt free and clear, I felt like everything in my life made sense, except where did God fit into all of this. At that point, I really didn't know, but for a moment, I contemplated coming out to my family and friends, and just letting them know the truth. This was all way too much at the time, I just needed a moment to rest into this new reality.

I told a Coptic priest about what was going on, and the first thing he told me was "do not tell anyone." It was a stern warning, it told me that what I was experiencing was shameful, and why bring further shame by admitting this to anyone. He told me that there are others who feel the same way I do, some of them have "fallen into a life of sin." while others were able to be married, while others living celibate lives. He also told me that he would give me resources on area support groups who can help fix the problem. Fix the problem? You mean, there was a cure?

It just so happened that I never heard from that priest again, till this day. I made appointments with him to follow-up, to which he never showed up, or he would make the appointment, I'd wait for him, then he'd have to leave suddenly. It was "weird", but I tried not to take it too personally. Yeah, he was a nice guy.

While searching on the internet for answers to this Gay vs. Christian conundrum, I encountered the story of an HIV positive man, who claimed that God had healed him from homosexuality. I reached out to him and he told me his story and we emailed each other for several days. He told me that my being gay was the result of a turbulent childhood (which I had), and lots of pain in the father department (which I had), as well as a separation from other boys at an early age due to lack of shared interest (which was not exactly true but, sure, why not). The point was, there was a cure, or so I believed, or at least I wanted to believe, so I took the words of this stranger and he pointed me to internet resources containing claims like this:

Eventually I was lead to a support group of folks that I later joined, and went on retreats, as well as the Exodus International Conference, three years in a row.

For me, the teachings of these places made sense at the time. They fit with my interpretation of the bible. They were able to connect the dots, they were able to dig, dig, dig in my life and show me how x,y,z contributed to the homosexual disease that I was being experience. I was for the first time, facing a past I had locked away, one that involved a lot of pain and abuse. I was admitting things to these people that I had never told a single soul. This is very hard to write, but I did experience a lot of abuse growing up. All kinds, I experienced it. For the first time I was telling people about these things, and moreso, this terrible gay secret, this secret that had kept me for so many years, I was telling people face to face these things, and being completely accepted for it. My peers were wonderful, and the leadership, well-intentioned and compassionate (but from what I know in the ex-gay world, that was VERY rare, and I got extremely lucky on the one hand, I have heard horror stories).

Ex-gay ministries are expert marketers: they know how to appeal to men by showing photos of models, hot masculine guys embraced in hugs, and rarely but sometimes, and I remember this one fringe site, featuring shirtless hot men, or in bathing suits, happy and newly-heterosexual, all to sell poison to hungry youth, and I was among the hungriest. I was hungry for truth and understanding, and I was hungry for peace. And let me tell you, that poison is expensive: over $5000.00 in conference fees, airline tickets, hotel stays and all I have to show for it, is a lousy t-shirt, and a few emotional scars which even more money has been spent trying to undo. Actually, I also have to show for it, some of my best friends in life. People who I want by my side holding my hand when I breath my last.

But what happened at these ministries is another story for another time. But I want to tell my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, there are legitimate reasons why folks will find themselves in programs like this. It is not as easy an answer as "those uptight conservatives are self-hating queers" Many of us were just searching for the truth. And truth seekers will fight to the ends of the earth to discover what is real and just. It's just that sometimes, we ended up looking in the wrong places… very wrong places.

What Is A Homosexual?

2010-11-06T20:35:00.000-07:00

In the church, you'll hear every so often an opinion about homosexuals. "Homosexuality...", "Gay people...", "I think so and so is gay.... ", "This is why gays should not be able to (fill in blank)".... People use the word homosexual, and with it comes a lot of assumptions about the people behind the word. So I want to ask my fellow parishoners and our esteemed clergy a question:

What is a homosexual?

Is a homosexual a man: a man who has sex with men? Constantly and insatiably? Is a homosexual a man whose sole desire is the penetration of other men, at whatever cost? And not just one man, but any and every man: At work, at school and on the battlefield? Is a homosexual attracted to every man on the planet? Is every man God's gift to the homosexual man?

Is a homosexual a man who has abandoned rules and adopted chaos, a man who has abandoned discipline and adopted hedonism? Is a homosexual a man who is barely a man?

Does a homosexual man reject gender roles? Does he eat fancy foods and live in a big house? Will a homosexual man eventually get a dog? Is the dog of the homosexual man exposed to the daily episodes of rampant gay sex and golden girls re-runs? Is the dog of the homosexual man well fed or abused or is he simply an innocent victim?

Is a homosexual man a weirdo? Is a homosexual man ignorant to societal rules, and constantly on the fringe of what is normal? Does the homosexual man hate normality? If normalcy is natural and humans are nature, then does the homosexual man hate what is natural, and therefore hate others as himself?

Is the homosexual a man only known as a gay man.

Is a homosexual man weak? Does he throw like a girl and kiss like a boy? Does he break like a toothpick in the absence of joy? Does he bruise like a peach and play with girl toys?

Is a homosexual man, the enemy of God? Does he sit in his room, petting his cat, and plotting the next attack to the Creator and his people?

Is a homosexual man a man who likes men, and by men, I mean boys?

Is a homosexual man, trapped in a marriage to a woman he loves… to email every once in a while?

Is a homosexual man, a man who has friends who are more than just friends, only they think they're just friends, but to him they're best friends, and his girlfriend get jealous but thinks: well, boys will be boys! Does the homosexual man dream of his friend? Does he steal glances at the gym? Extra long glances at the gym?

Or is a homosexual man, confused and needs Jesus? 10 Hail Mary's to please Us.

Is a homosexual man, the only kind of man, unable to give love, because his love is not love, but is gallons of lust? Can a gay man know love? And if he cannot give love, should he even get love or is that asking too much?

Is he the only exception to "God so loved the world"?

Is he the only exception to your love and respect?

Is he the only exception... period?

Shout Out!

2010-11-06T06:56:00.000-07:00

I was pleasantly surprised to find a nice shout out on the Leftmost Few blog. It helps to have friends in cyberspace. The more we come together, the more those who are actively seeking answers will know they are not alone, in fact, far from it.

http://leftmostfew.blogspot.com/2010/10/being-gay-and-coptic-gay-in-coptic.html

Thanks for the props!

You GO, Hillary!

2010-10-21T17:40:00.000-07:00

It gets (so much) better...

2010-10-21T16:32:00.000-07:00

This was a difficult one to write. Why? It was so long ago, and things have changed so much since then, but at the same time, it is part of my story. So many out there are taking their lives, TWO more just today, and it's just not worth it. I hope people can read this and realize that there can be hope, no matter how bad it gets.

It was 11pm, on a Friday night. While I risk sounding cliche, it actually was a cool, dark, and misty night. Sitting at my desk, home alone, laptop in front of me, with typed words barely legible, as my eyes were red, swollen, and glazed with tears.

So how did I get to this point? The idea of actually taking my life was not even in my blood or psyche, but it became a viable option that night, one that would possibly give me the freedom I had been looking for, for so many years. That's how low it got.

Up until that very day, I had spent many years, faithfully and hopefully engaging in ex-gay ministries, as they provided a sane answer to my very serious problem: my emotional and sexual attraction to other men. Their message was clear, God loves you. God loves you too much to let you live in sin. They were very clear to stress a certain point, being attracted to other men was not a sin, however acting on it was. But it did not stop there: the attraction itself was evidence that something was seriously wrong with my psychology, my development, and the person I had become. I was broken, but they re-assured me that every other human out there was broken. While that was true on some level, about the brokenness of humanity, what I failed to recognize on a conscious level, was the fact that, while people are broken, they all have basic needs: food, shelter, water, and of course, to be loved. I don't think the Bible itself could be any clearer, in that "it is not good for man to be alone." The editors in chief of ex-gay ministries add an interesting subtext to this verse: "… unless you are gay."

Up until this point, the older I got, the more pronounced my desire for companionship became, as I crushed hard on friends, on strangers, and with each feeling, which usually excites a person and makes them feel alive, with every crush, I was reminded that I was broken and wrong. The longer I engaged in these ministries, the bigger of a toll this took on me. I didn't even know it, actually. I was for the most part, pretty OK, and I was living a life on the outside where none of my friends knew I was going through this, however the friends I made in these ministries, we all shared a common bond, that life was a struggle, and we were all diseased. We were defining ourselves based on who we were not, rather than who we were. The mixing of faith, Jesus, the Bible, with this very dangerous and dehumanizing way of living, created an even bigger problem, if you can imagine.

At the same time, I was a corner-stone in my family and I was very active in my church. I was involved in service, I had great friends, I was the go-to guy for everyone. My family, broken and bruised, was helpless (as far as I believed) without me. I had a bright future ahead of me, and everyone's hopes and dreams for me were made pronounced on a daily basis. And I fought the good fight, because as far as I knew, God brought these ministries to me, to show me that healing was possible from this "thing" that plagued me through childhood and adolescence.

I was invited to a church fundraiser in LA, for a church I wasn't a regular at, but knew one or two faces, and for the most part, it was how church dinners go. Table with friends, mediocre food, speeches, fundraising, prayers. I had been to many of these before, but this one was different. My friends around me were moving on in their lives: girlfriends, fiances, interest in their careers, growing in faith. I looked back at the last few years, and these things seemed further and further way from me. My faith had disintegrated to a pile of dust, while I worked hard at gluing the tiny cinders of what was left over, using an expired bottle of Elmer's Wood glue, in order to take what little faith I had left to the sunday school classes I would teach, and the people I would talk to. Even my friends who weren't Christian, I started to understand more where they were coming from, but I had been so brainwashed, that nothing else but what I knew was a viable option. Combine that with years of forced reparative therapy and an intrinsic belief that your core human desires are in fact completely broken and by only an act of grace, if not from years of dedication and commitment to practices of therapy fasting and prayer, could any of these things be fixed, I was probably going no where. My life was a mistake, and I was not going to be healed, for not only was I still a homosexual, the feelings were only intensifying. I had no judgment for other gay people, as I believe God was merciful, and that no one knows the heart but God, but for some reason, it just was not an option for me.

While this sounds very dramatic, I ask you to remember that dark time in your life, and stand with me in solidarity for a moment. But believe me, this memory is not one I like to return to, so it has taken some effort to stand in solidarity with myself.

Like a house of cards, which takes 100x as long to put together than it does to come apart, I started breaking down, at an alarming rate, while eating a piece of overcooked chicken, sitting next to one of my good friends. I excused myself, got in my car, got on the freeway, and started driving home. It was true, anger and sadness like I never felt before had completely enveloped me, and it occurred to me at that moment, that there was no answer. There hadn't been an answer. I was wrong, I was at a dinner surrounded by everything I was supposed to be, however, I was none of those things.

I went home with the sole intention of ending my life. I had nothing to live for, I was a mistake. I held a bottle of pills in my hand, and a bottle of hard liquor on the table, I knew that I could possibly get away with this, living so far from other neighbors, no one would even know I was there until someone bothered to realize I hadn't returned a phonecall in weeks. As I opened the vile, I had a strong notion to call a friend. I called a friend of mine who had been in a position like this before, and told him, I was going to kill myself and I didn't know what to do. He said, go to the hospital. It was an order. I was a zombie, with no will of my own, I listened to my friend and drove myself to the hospital and announced at the front desk, that I was going to kill myself and I needed help. This was the first and only time in my entire life, the notion of ending it all had entered my head, but it was so real and palpable, it was the only thing that made sense, to make this mistake of an existence go away.

As I lay there in quarantine, with a catheter in my arm, with the strong florescent lights suffocating my vision, I heard a voice.

Maybe it was God, or maybe it was Cher, straight out of Moonstruck, bitch-slapping me in the face with a cold hard "Snap Out Of It!!" I felt a nagging voice in my soul:

"Is it really that serious?"

"Yes" I replied

"That you're gay. Do you think I give a damn."

"Don't you?"

"That you're gay? Look at your life, you've been on hold. What are you doing"

I had no answer.

"Your life is worth more alive gay than it will ever be dead. You are loved regardless, no matter what you choose."

I had no words.

"Your life is worth SO MUCH MORE than all this."

Oh by the way, this conversation was between me and possibly God, still not sure, maybe it was with myself. Maybe it was just what I've always wanted to hear, never heard it, and I finally had the balls to tell it to myself. Maybe it was the parent inside me. But it was a dialogue that changed the course of my life. For the first time, the whole ridiculousness of what I had put myself through started to become clear. It was a big fat lie. Like a rushing wind, a pair of shit colored sunglasses got blown off my face, and I saw the world in color for the first time in I don't know how long. I started feeling lighter and lighter, as this truth permeated my head, and seeped into every cell in my body. I was alive.

Having not slept a wink through the night, I took the sweetest most restful nap I ever had at that point. I woke up and decided to cut all ties with the ex-gay ministries I had been a part of, with the exception of a few friends. And while most people with a born-again experience go to church, I went to the house of an attractive jewish boy who I had befriended, and after some conversation, had my very first kiss with a man, and let me tell you, it was wonderful. I felt human for the first time, I felt alive. It was the beginning, the beginning of life for me.

Years later, I write this, often uncomfortable to revisit such a difficult place, and while life does not get easier, in fact, there is a lot of pain in coming out, in finding love, in losing love, in living life as a whole person who is no longer allowing himself to sit in the side-lines. While there is pain, there is also great joy, and gratitude, and let me tell you, it does get better. It gets so… much… fucking… better.

I write this, remembering the many gay youth who have ended their lives, reminding those who are thinking to do the same, because you only have one life, and you'll never know unless you live another day.

Born Gay: The Devil Made Me Do It.

2010-10-17T06:54:00.000-07:00

"But mama, I was born this way!"

Damn I wish I had the audacity to tell my parents this when I first attempted to come out to them at the tender age of 11. But instead, I followed their advice, and believed them when they told me I wasn't born gay, in fact I wasn't even gay, and in fact, there was nothing wrong with me, and if there was, it was the devil tempting me. Why would the devil tempt me? Because God allows his best and brightest to be tempted the hardest. So that's what I got for being a good altar boy: A hard-on for Mario Lopez.

Devil to me: Girl: bad! AC Slater: Hot!

How does the devil convince your brain to send blood to your penis? Is it in a whisper, or is it full-on control? On the flip side, how did the devil manage to tell my brain to withhold blood from my penis every time I would see Pam Anderson do the slow, boob-bouncing jog on Baywatch? I can picture it now: Young me, watching TV, bikini clad women oil wrestling, boobs popping out, and the devil himself (who must have been on 24/7 duty on my young adolescent mind) would be like: "OLD NAKED WOMEN, OLD NAKED WOMEN WITH LIVER SPOTS!!!! SUNBATHING EATING COTTAGE CHEESE", but in the tricky subtle way that only the devil could pull-off. My nature was then repressed by a spiritual force, being that my nature was supposedly heterosexual. Then here comes a scene from a talk show, where male strippers are invited, and if my sexual nature is heterosexual, the devil must have put heterosexual suggestions in my head in order for me to react accordingly, when the tall latino Adonis ripped his pants off and gyrated his junk in the face of Sally Jesse. Ok, I just grossed myself out.

The whole notion of the devil-made-me-do-it in regards to sexuality seems a bit far fetched, because no amount of prayer, fasting, or repression did anything to remove my homosexual feelings, nor did they enhance my heterosexual feelings. It got to the point where I would force myself to think about and fantasize about women until the idea of being turned on by a woman became somewhat normal to me, however, it was forced, and did not last, at all.

But would you believe, I really believed I was straight, and that, yes… the devil made me do it. Turns out I've since learned that it's really heterosexuality that is the tool of Satan.

Another Life Cut Short

2010-10-03T18:26:00.000-07:00

These look like two bright young people, on the verge of a successful future, and they were up until a few days ago when because of their immaturity and ignorance, drove a young man to an untimely suicide. Tyler Clementi, a new student at Rutgers University, 18 years old, decided that his life was no longer worth living after being outed against his will, by his roommate Dharun Ravi and one of Ravi's friends, Molly Wei. Ravi, after suspecting that Tyler was having an encounter with another man, set up a web cam, pointing to Tyler's bed, and broadcasted video of Tyler having a sexual encounter with another man.

The video went viral, and Ravi bragged about this "amazing" discovery that he made, on twitter. Back on August 22nd, when he discovered his roommate wasn't straight, found it important to tweet: "Found out my roommate is gay."

What the hell is so fascinating about such news, especially to someone who is known by his peers and family as "open minded and accepting" No one with an open mind would feel the need to broadcast something like this, unless they themselves were affected by it in some way.

Tyler, is one of four young people who have committed suicide in the last month, due to the difficulties they faced being gay or lesbian. My stomach is aching me right now, as I sit here and just think that there was no good reason for any of this to have occurred.

Down the hall from us, back in college, there was a guy who would have a girl over every night, and we'd hear them have sex, pretty loudly. Sometimes we would camp outside the door and just listen and laugh, but, it was no secret he was having sex. He was very much commended by all the guys on our floor. Was it just a harmless prank? Was it just giddy teenage behavior, or did Ravi have a deep seeded bias against Clementi, and wanted to humiliate him for being a sexual human being. The fact that Clementi's sexuality was a joke to Ravi to begin with, is again, another case of the disdain people feel towards a people who just want to be alive, living, and equal.

Fuck tolerance. I'll say it again... FUCK tolerance. Who needs it? Tolerance is holding one's breath and saying nothing. Tolerance is has nothing to do with the condition of the heart. Tolerance is merely permission. Tolerance has nothing to do with understanding, and it has nothing to do with love. I am against the idea that we need to tolerate each other. I want to take it step further: we need to learn to understand and accept each other! Think about it, what do human beings desire most in this world, outside of their basic needs... it's LOVE. And why the hell should I expect anyone to love me, if I cannot accept and understand someone else? What makes any of us so special that we should merely just tolerate the existence of someone else. What makes any of us more worthy of love and acceptance than another? Clementi wasn't even tolerated by his roommate, he was ridiculed by him.

I look back in my life and I will be the first to say, that I have hurt many people. I have made fun of, and I've pranked and embarrassed many folks in high school and college, for all kinds of reasons. What I now know, is that I hated myself at the time. I hated myself, and what better way to cover up ones own self hatred, than to project that hatred onto others. We have a lot of power. Our words are so powerful.

I'm sad tonight, as we as a human race, have lost a great addition to our family. Tyler Clementi, you will be in my thoughts this week. I hope your name will be a reminder, along with all the names of those who have died needless deaths because they were different, that we need to wake up, and start giving what it is we wanna get. Rest in peace and pray for us.

Thank You!

2010-10-02T19:21:00.000-07:00

Being Gay And Coptic is currently being read in over 17 countries! Thank you for reading, for your feedback and comments. If you like what you've read here, or even if you haven't, share this with your friends, tell someone that there are more people standing up for the silent LGBT masses who are living in oppression and living lives at risk. Join our community online. And of course, make sure you take your vitamins.

There is definitely something special here, I can feel it. Thank you for being a part of it.

- M

On A Friday Night

2010-10-01T22:34:00.000-07:00

Friendship: It isn't always this attractive....
but nothing beats it.

OK, so a little eye-candy never hurt anyone. What am I doing home on a Friday night? That's a very good question. Writing to you all, I suppose. I'm sure something will pop up as it always does, in the meantime, I was very moved by a comment that was posted on my Share Your Story post, and it went something like this:

I personally am neither gay nor Coptic, but one of my best friends came out about a year ago. His internal struggle must have been great. I'd known him for about 14 years and that whole time he proclaimed himself to be a straight Christian. Over that time, he wrestled with the church's logic in many forms. Being Atheist myself, I simply (paraphrasingly) said "I told you man, it doesn't make sense." He claimed chastity was his thing until he would get married someday. I couldn't fathom the idea how a person could be so strict and not know the beauty and pleasure of being intimate with another person.
So it was quite a relief (for me as well), more than anything else, when he finally came out. He told me he was really down in a dark place for a long time, confused, trying to fit in, trying to be what his church and community put into his head. I can't imagine what he felt as he led a life as the complete opposite of what he was inside.
Regardless, he's still one of my best friends. And he still has tiny battles with that side of his life and that part of the community that he lost when he decided that his honest self had to shine through. But at least now we can joke and talk about sex and religion openly and he can finally share what's really on his mind, what his life is like, and for that I'd want it no other way.
I'm proud of him and I'm glad he found the courage to be himself to everyone. It wasn't an easy decision for him, so I commend him with all my heart.

I was so touched by this! I'm not sure if his friend is Coptic or not, but I don't think it really matters. It's a story all too familiar among us, and I wonder how long is too long before the shit hits the fan for some people. I commend his friend, for even though not being in his shoes (heck, they're not even shopping at the same footwear store), he was able to be there and understand. It's so important to tell someone what you're going through. They say "you don't keep secrets... they keep you."

It's easy to come out to another gay person, well maybe not SO easy, besides the fact that all of a sudden you may or may not become a romantic possibility becomes factored into the equation, and you wonder if you're attracted to them, or attractive to them, and all the bullshit may surface, but I digress: for the most part, you won't be judged. There is definitely a value in the camaraderie of being gay amongst gays, and being able to be oneself in a very safe place. But I think there's a different kind of healing that can happen when coming out to someone who isn't gay.

I remember a few years back I had come out to a couple of straight friends of mine, and the reaction astounded me. In all cases, I just assumed that I would be treated differently, or maybe with kid gloves. I remember wondering if our friendships would ever be the same again. But as I told them the truth about not only my sexuality but about my story and struggle, I just found myself in the company of people who have gone through their own battles in life, that really it wasn't just a gay vs. straight thing, it was just a human thing, and at the very least, an experience of being a man. Being accepted by those I thought might reject me, quickly dispelled the myth that gay men cannot be counted among men in our society. I think integration between the gay and straight world will only come with dialogue.

I've always hated labels, but they work, and help me navigate through this mess we call life, and its in these friendships, the labels can be dropped and we can just be... friends, dudes, boys, homies, however you want to call it. The level of trust in my friendships skyrocketed when I came out to them. My favorite reaction was one where my friend just told me "cool. can you please pass the wings?" It just didn't matter. It puts a lot into perspective when a friend tells you to pass the wings after laying out your life story. We should do more of that in life. Next time Kim Jong Il threatens the US: "That's cool, can you pass the kim-chee?"

Share Your Story

2010-09-19T16:41:00.001-07:00

There is too much silence in our community. There is a silence on the issue of being gay or lesbian, that is occasionally being interrupted by less than informed lectures and discussions on the topic. While the subject of coming out is very sensitive for various reasons of safety, family, and survival, this is our chance to fill the silence with a dose of truth and reality.

Unfortunately, we've practiced for years how to be someone else, that sometimes we don't even know who we are, but when we break the silence, and tell our stories, we practice finding ourselves again. If you have a story to share, you will be helping all the people out there who are looking in silence for someone to relate to, and you will be among those who are raising their voices in solidarity with them.

All submissions are welcome:

Coming Out: (or inability to)
Relationships: The good, bad, and ugly
Thoughts on Spirituality
Anything else!

Any personal testimony submitted will be under the strictest confidence and discretion to the degree of comfort by the author. Now's the time to speak. Email me, contact info on the right -->

Let's let our voices be heard.

Kiss and Break Up...World Records: LIVE!

2010-09-19T09:58:00.000-07:00

How about something fun for a change.

"I could kiss you forever…." Heard that before? Forget forever, how about more than 32 hours and 7 minutes? Because that's how long Matty and Bobby, two college students from New Jersey will have to kiss in order to break the current world record held by a German couple which was set in 2009.

The main questions are:

How will they eat?
How will they use the bathroom?
Will this experiment destroy their desire to connect intimately with another human being again?

Tune in and cheer these guys on!

We're On Facebook!

2010-09-17T06:36:00.000-07:00

A Facebook Community Page for people who generally cannot be public about their sexuality: What's the point? I suspect at first that the majority of followers / members will generally be straight open minded Copts who are secure in who they are and will support a cause that is generally looked down upon, as well as non-coptic LGBT Christians. At the very least those who cannot publicly join, will have something to read.

In any case, we're here, we're queer, and we're social networking.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/LGBT-Coptic-Christians/102566516473911

The Great Misconception

2010-09-12T21:06:00.000-07:00

Is it only about sex?

The weekend is over, and it's time to talk about sex! That's right baby, it's time to talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be. Wait a minute, scratch that, let's look at something more interesting: how about a look at love? Love is a many splendored thing-love lifts us up where we belong-all you need is love! I can hear my dear Ms. Turner beg the age old question: "What's love got to do with it?"

Look out your window and what do you see? Do you see a city sky-scape? A lush green landscape surrounded by mountains? A brick wall with a crack-whore down below? A view is something many people will pay extra for when booking a hotel or buying a house, and it is as simple as follows: a view is what someone sees from where they stand. A view of the ocean says nothing about whether or not the ocean is too cold for swimming, or free of sharks. A mountain may look wonderful and tranquil from my view, and a closer look may reveal a treacherous ecosystem, or maybe within you may find an ocean of life-ending molten rock. A view of a campfire in the distance will not reveal the wonderful fellowship occurring around it by its participants. A view is shallow and reveals merely a perspective on the nature of the object in the distance. I think that understanding this simple notion we take for granted is important in being able to realize that the official Coptic Church only has a view of homosexuality, without digging deeper into the questions and lives of people who claim to be gay and lesbian.

A few years ago, the Coptic Patriarch, Shenouda III of Alexandria was asked to respond to the recent dialogue of homosexuality in the Christian church at large, especially in regards to the ordaining of clergy and higher ranks of the church who are openly gay and lesbian. In his statement, the patriarch made clear the church's "view" on homosexuality:

I am sorry to have to speak about an issue that has become a topic of popular discussion in the church of late. This subject is homosexuality, and it ought not to be a matter of discussion.

First of all, homosexuality is against nature. Sexual expression is permitted only within marriage, between man and woman, male and female. Anything else is an abnormality and is against nature. When our Lord Jesus Christ discussed this matter with the scribes and Pharisees in St. Matthew chapter nineteen and St. Mark chapter ten, He said 'From the beginning, God made them male and female,' man and woman. This is the will of our God from the beginning of creation. When people walked according to the lust of the flesh in the Old Testament, they received severe punishment from God. At the time of the Flood, only the pure, only eight persons in the Ark of Noah were saved. All the people who were not clean, who walked according to the flesh, perished. Also, the people of Sodom, who were not clean, were burned with fire.

He continues

St. Paul spoke about the debased mind of the homosexual using the phrase 'exchanged the natural use for what is against nature.' We take this to clearly mean that homosexuality is clearly against nature. This he avers is uncleanness and dishonor of the body, also receiving penalty.

and finally and this is VERY important

It is claimed that homosexuality is a kind of love between man and man. No, my brothers. Love should be spiritual; love should be pure. We love others in purity. We love others in the Spirit. And loving others should not be against our love of God, because our Lord Jesus Christ has said, 'He who loves father, son, wife, sister, or brother, more than Me, is not worthy of Me, is not worthy to be My disciple.' We cannot love any other person more than our Lord Jesus Christ. Every love which we have, should be love in the Lord. We love in the Lord, not against. The homosexual love is not love, but lust, and there is a great difference between love and lust, lust of the flesh. The word love is not suitable for such a relation, because in the Gospel we say, 'God is love.' How can we say, 'Homosexuality is love?' It is not love; it is a bodily lust, a deviated lust of the flesh, a lust that should be corrected.

- "Homosexuality and the Church: An Address to the Coptic Orthodox priests of England" - H.H. Pope Shenouda III

These are some pretty loaded statements. But reveals a great misconception that not only the Coptic Church, but many institutions around the world, have about what it means to be gay, or what goes on in the minds and hearts of gay people. His Holiness takes a few verses and uses them to define the people he is speaking of. But if the people he is talking about are claiming to be different than his descriptions, then who is correct? If gays claim that His Holiness is wrong, then maybe the main question is, can love exist in a homosexual relationship?

The Roman Orgy:
What the church envisions homosexual love to look like
except replace the women with well-built men in speedos.

I think the question goes beyond love. Love can be defined in so many ways. The Greeks have many words for our single English word. There's Philio, Storge, Eros, and Agape. We each experience one or many of these in different relationships in our lives, and many will say that in a romantic, committed relationship that would lead to marriage, two people should have all 4 loves. And let us take it to the next level: some people say that its not only about two people and love, but that a relationship takes three: each person in the couple, and God, braided together into an unbreakable cord.

How does one know if Love or God is in the midst of a relationship? Well, Matthew has a lot to say about testing the integrity of a person or situation, as Jesus uses the symbolism of a tree, in order to explain how one may recognize the truth within: "Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit." - Matt 12:33

So what are the fruits of love?

"Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it." - Song of Solomon 8:7

"A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." - John 13:34-35

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God." - 1 John 4:7

"Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness [phileo], and in your brotherly kindness, love [agape]" - 1 Peter 5-7

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - 1 Corinthians 13:6-7

Love is unquenchable and passionate. It is Godly. It is above the normal human vibration. It is self-sacrificing. It is patient, kind, secure, humble, and forgiving. It is self control and perseverance. True love endures obstacles and hardships. True love is gracious and graceful. A true love relationship will challenge both members to move towards these things and bring each closer to themselves, and closer to God. Can such characteristics exist in a gay relationship?

I know a couple, both of whom had not dated anyone before knowing one another, and entered into relationship with intentionality and prayer. Each has sought to love the other to the best of their capacity. Each worked on moving forward and resolving difficulty. And they finally sealed their love in a commitment before God and God's people: they got married. I know this couple very well, and I see the fruits of love and the fruits of the spirit in their relationship. I see it in the kindness they have for one another, I see it in the humor they share, and the generosity they provide. I see it in the way they treat their friends and families. Their love is no different than the healthy straight married couples I know. In fact their love is one they had to fight for amidst pressures and fears and insecurities, above and beyond what the average couple would ever have to face. I see two people who are learning the kind of self-sacrificing love that exists when two people come together, that can only be possible when Love (capital L) exists, and in this situation there is the hand of the divine. It is a view that is close up, as I'm engaged in the details of their relationship. The church has a view from afar. The main difference between His Holiness and myself is, I know this couple. I'm intimately connected to them. His Holiness has never met them, in fact, he doesn't know that each of them exist on this planet, as he has never been introduced to them. In fact we see a situation where the church is describing people without even knowing who they are, or not knowing any of the facts about them, but merely quoting a few verses which describe a behavior common to a certain context and a certain period, using words which are no longer used today. The disconnect is evident. By the church's view (not definition, so much), I wonder what they would expect from the nature of a gay relationship if they took a step to examine more closely.

The church quotes statistics about the rarity of monogamous gay relationships. While the sources of these statistics are questionable at best, let's say for arguments sake, that these statistics are correct, and that the gay community has a higher incidence of infidelity, selfishness, debauchery and other such issues. And let's even take it to another extreme, let's just say out of the hundreds of thousands of gay couples out there, that there is only ONE gay couple in the world that demonstrates the existence of this love that is evidence of God's blessing and work in their relationship. If there is even only one out there, then the whole argument against homosexuality collapses on itself, why? Because then we see that it is INDEED POSSIBLE. Just because something is not common, does it mean that it is impossible? And by virtue of possibility, we can then realize that there is something true there. Sainthood and miracle working is certainly not common, it does not mean, however that it doesn't exist. On the contrary, something rare and pure is something to be strived after and admired. So then if it is possible, the next question is, then why is it not common. That is a whole other conversation there, but the question should not dictate the morality of the homosexual relationship.

Any statement to the contrary, especially those put out by the Coptic Church, its patriarch and its many bishops, basically says that the homosexual relationship, a relatively new paradigm in the history of human relationships, is merely a vehicle for the expression of depraved lusts. Can a house built on depravity stand? Many would say, absolutely not, unless the goal is depravity itself. Then if that were the case, then it would be arguable that every homosexual relationship has its basis on one thing alone, and that is the sex act, and all other aspects are ornamental, and secondary to that.

Guess what, Sex is easy! Why build a paradigm which makes obtaining a lusty orgasm that much more difficult? Why "ruin" a path to endless pleasures and self-indulgence with a model of self sacrifice? Well, maybe this model for love is one that makes us better people, and this world a better place.

The church will turn a blind eye and say LOVE DOES NOT EXIST, But many gays and lesbians will, to the contrary, stand by their stories and one day, can show the world, that this great misconception is indeed false. Maybe then can the world understand that a gay man is no different from a straight man. A lesbian is no different than her heterosexual counterpart. And that at the end of the day, people are people, and are not merely one-dimensional vehicles for desire, but have great potential and capacity. Once that capacity and potential is embraced and integrated within the self, only then can it be brought out into the light, and once it's in the light, the shadows are removed and the love of God can shine upon the individual, and it is at that moment, that ALL THINGS become possible, in the midst of hatred, fear, pressure, and temptation, can the gay or lesbian start to recognize the truth within him or herself, and begin to shine as a vehicle for God's love, and if fate / God / or the universe permit, be able to reflect this love onto a partner. And it is within this unit, that we find the model for all of us to follow: love amidst brokenness, peace amidst chaos, and hope, in a jaded world.

Do you have an experience in a loving gay / lesbian relationship? Share your stories. The world needs to hear them.

Dignity

2010-09-10T18:37:00.000-07:00

For those in the Los Angeles area, make sure you pay a visit to Dignity Los Angeles. They are an advocacy group for the support, respect, and inclusion of LGBT Catholics. They have chapters all around the country, and organize special services, events, and liturgies for LGBT believers and loved ones. It would be a dream to see such a group transpire within the Coptic Community.

While reading message boards on the subject of homosexuality, it is obvious that the Coptic Church has little to no experience with this issue, and this lack of dialogue is dangerous for its congregants. There is a lack of dignity in the way the church deals with this issue. While it would be ideal for folks to remain close to their roots and love the church they grew up in, to worship in Spirit and in Truth is the ultimate, as Jesus said. A day will come where it will not be about facing Jerusalem, or Alexandria in our case :)

I don't think the clergy need to look any further than the One whom they not only worship, but also represent, in order to find the formula for treating people with dignity and respect. "Love the sinner, hate the sin." Who came up with that one anyway? To tell a person that you love them and hate their homosexuality, you are telling them that you hate their nature, that you hate their desire for partnership, and there is nothing edifying about that.

Again, my brothers and sisters, love your church, but make sure you find your safe place to worship as well, where you can be yourself, and it will make all the difference in the world.

I have been very busy this past week, so this entry is rather brief, so please forgive me. More to come, as there is so much to say.

Is God Against Heterosexuality?

2010-09-02T16:02:00.000-07:00

Heterosexuals from a popular TV show

Heterosexuality: the issue of our generation. Children are exposed to it at an early age, teenagers experiment with it when they should be studying for finals, and more and more adults every year engage in heterosexual activities. Yes, it has existed since the dawn of time, but is heterosexuality really in God's plan for humanity? People often ask me, "is heterosexuality a sin?" My only answer is: let's take a look at two things: We must take a look at what the Bible says about it, and then, we can take a look at the heterosexual lifestyle and see if we can find our answers there.

When it comes down to heterosexuality in the Bible, we have a clear problem: the idea of sexual orientation did not exist when the Bible was written, so the word "heterosexual" was not one that was ever used. It is in the same way you would not find any discussion on subatomic reactions in the book of Genesis' account of the creation of the world. However, if we look at the definition, we should be able to apply it to words that already exist in the Bible, in order to arrive at the most accurate interpretation by today's standards.

Definition of HETEROSEXUAL

a : of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward the opposite sex

b : of, relating to, or involving sexual intercourse between individuals of opposite sex

A sex act between a man and a woman is a heterosexual act. That much is clear by the definition offered by the internet. By this definition it would be fair and obvious to replace certain words in the Bible with the word heterosexual or heterosexuality in order to have a better understanding of what the Bible is really trying to say to today's people, using today's modern vernacular.

Let's take a look at one of the earliest examples of heterosexuality in the Bible:

Genesis 19:30-38

Lot and his two daughters left Zoar and settled in the mountains, for he was afraid to stay in Zoar. He and his two daughters lived in a cave. One day the older daughter said to the younger, "Our father is old, and there is no man around here to lie with us, as is the custom all over the earth. Let's get our father to drink wine and then lie with him and preserve our family line through our father." That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and lay with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up. The next day the older daughter said to the younger, "Last night I lay with my father. Let's get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and lie with him so we can preserve our family line through our father." So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went and lay with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up. So both of Lot's daughters became pregnant by their father. The older daughter had a son, and she named him Moab; he is the father of the Moabites of today. The younger daughter also had a son, and she named him Ben-Ammi; he is the father of the Ammonites of today. (NIV)

Heterosexuality is the motivation behind Lot's daughters plot to essentially rape their own father. Since there was no man to have sex with them in the wilderness, their only option was to get their father intoxicated, and have their way with him, heterosexually. While the word itself is not used in this passage, it is clear that a sex act has occurred between a man and a woman.

Let us move on to see a few verses where heterosexuality is specifically mentioned in the Bible. These are verses that are clearly commands by God for His people, and are not to be taken lightly. For the sake of accuracy and clarification, we will replace the more specific words as translated from the Greek, with a more all-encompassing term like 'heterosexuality'

Leviticus 21:9 If a priest's daughter defiles herself by becoming a heterosexual, she disgraces her father; she must be burned in the fire.

Exodus 20:14, "You shall not commit heterosexuality."

Hebrews 13:4, "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for heterosexuals and adulterers God will judge."

Judges 16:6, So Delilah said to Samson, "Please tell me where your great strength is and how you may be bound to afflict you. [with heterosexuality]"

Proverbs 6:32, The one who commits heterosexuality is lacking sense; he who would destroy himself does it.

Galatians 5:19-21 Now the works of the flesh are evident: heterosexuality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

1 Corinthians 7:8-9 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.

Matthew 5:28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Notice that he mentions any woman: ANY woman. Even your wife, and mine)

1 Corinthians 6:13 “Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for heterosexuality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.

Ezekiel 23:20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

This is just a small subset of hundreds, maybe thousands of verses where heterosexuality is mentioned in the Bible. However we must understand that there are few cases, under very specific and certain circumstances, where God does actually approve of a heterosexual union. We must understand, however that all of these involve the making of a baby. But not just any baby: certain babies. God specifically asks certain people to make babies for a certain reason. It is in these cases only where such unions are permitted. There are other babies made in the Bible and God isn't a fan of some of the other babies, like Esau, Ishmael, and Ham, and he deals with them accordingly. You must ask yourself, have you been given a green light by God to make a baby? Have you had any visions or dreams? Are you called to populate a nation? If not, I would think again before removing those boxers.

Rather than exhaust you with countless verses on the subject, for those who are skeptical about the use of the Bible to dictate morality in our modern world, I sympathize. But can I appeal to your rational minds with clear evidence from the culture around us?

Below are a few images, which I think speak for themselves in regards to the heterosexual lifestyle. Clearly there is something very wrong with a world where this sort of behavior is acceptable and even deemed normal:

Heterosexual marriage at its finest

This is in public. PUBLIC!

Older man having a relationship with a child

Repentant heteros

This could be your son or daughter on heterosexuality

I am sorry if these images have offended anyone. They were not meant to do so, but they are posted in order to paint a clear picture of what the liberal media is trying to hide from you. The media is a powerful machine, making countless films about love stories, and romance, and commitment, but it is all part of an agenda to trap your families into accepting deviant behavior that exists in real life. Now there are those who say that heterosexuality is not just about sex. But the evidence shows otherwise. The word 'sex' is in the word heterosexual after all.

How should we deal with heterosexuals? Basically we must love the sinner and hate the sin.

Open Call For Submissions

2010-09-01T11:03:00.000-07:00

This could be you.

It's a little too early for writer's block, but it is one of those weeks, I guess. But it occurred to me, why should I bear the burden of the gay Coptic world all alone? :) I know many of you have a story of your own, thoughts, or an experience you may like to share. Reach out to the email address on the right and we can work something out! It would be great to have a place where the LGBT Coptic or the LGBT Orthodox, Catholic or Protestant experience can be displayed and shared. Our stories are just as valid, and who would've thought that we have a voice where we didn't have one before. God bless Al Gore and his inter-webbbbbz.

One Man's Interpretation: Lady Gaga, Alejandro, and Redemption

2010-08-26T19:45:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, I would have refused to listen to a song by anyone named Lady Gaga. I think it was a spin class I went to last February, where they were blasting "Bad Romance", and the lyrics took me back a few years as Ms. Gaga described my first relationship with a man, and at that moment I forgave myself for my immaturity, and my lack of vision, while my quadriceps burned from the merciless pumping, and sweat overtook my once protective eyebrows, dancing closer to my eyeballs, teasing them with the promise of a slow and deep burn. I found myself humming the song in the shower, and I realized, this woman can write music.

I came across, on Coptic Orthodox Liberal Thought (COLT) this interesting and absolutely brilliant interpretation of Lady Gaga's Alejandro. It's pretty much a shot for shot look at her ability to use art and controversy to express her vision of redemption.

Lady Gaga's Alejandro: An Interpretation

If you haven't seen the video:

Bishop Suriel and the Gay Agenda

2010-08-23T15:59:00.000-07:00

I have met H.G. Bishop Suriel once. He's the kind of man that at first sight, would frighten you if you did not know him or his position. He towers over a congregation with a height not typical for an Egyptian. The man stands at least a foot and a half above my slightly below-average stature. With broad shoulders and a stern look which melts quickly when you can get a smile out of him. He is a very kind man, and very well educated.

I recently heard an mp3 of a lecture he gave to a congregation in 2009, and while unlike many of the less than learned discussions initiated by clergy and sunday school teachers on the subject, it is researched and well thought out; however, it contains not only the undertones and speech that foster the further shaming and degradation of LGBT people in our community, it also contains false information, in order to prove a point, which I am not so sure is solid to begin with. While this is all in efforts to obey Jesus, how can one find God when the truth is hidden? How can the people be edified when they're being, maybe unintentionally, manipulated?

To listen to the entire lecture, you can find it here:
http://orthodoxsermons.org/sermons/human-rights-and-homosexuality

I just wanted to talk about a few points and talk about some of the problems of these kinds of teachings in regards to its purpose as well as the effects it has on the church.

First of all, what is the purpose of this lecture? If I could summarize it: it is a warning to the community, to beware of both gay people and their agenda. He paints a picture that gays are actually indoctrinated and brought into what is a very organized cult, a cult called "The Gay Agenda", one that targets not only every man and woman in the world, but also every little boy and girl, to join their ranks early. He paints a picture that not only are gays and lesbians enemies of heterosexuals, they cease to destroy the human family and all that is decent in the world.

The Big Bad Gay Agenda Monster

A lecture like this presumes something very interesting. It assumes that the "gay problem" being discussed is something not found within the walls of the church. So subtle, but speaks volumes, His Grace begins the lecture as follows:

"Some of you may think: 'Why are you speaking to us about this subject [homosexuality], this probably doesn't relate to us.' I hope it doesn't relate to you."

That last sentence, shows his desire that nothing so bad and vile, would ever befall the lives of the people sitting in that congregation, however, statistically speaking, quite a few gay people were probably in attendance, some very self-aware, and probably a few others in denial. I wonder what it must have felt like to hear those words, which seem rather innocent in passing, but already set the tone of where a gay person belongs, if they belong at all, within the walls of the Coptic Orthodox Church.

However, His Grace mostly talks about the homosexual agenda, and not the homosexual person, removing the person from the picture, as if the issue has taken a life of its own, a large, manipulative, force, with a pink boa, consuming all in its way. When you remove people from the issue, we all find ourselves on very dangerous ground, because the issue of homosexuality is as human as it gets. It is an issue that deals with peoples livelihoods. It is an issue that deals with ones choices in regards to love, partnership, and sex, and all these things that are so fundamentally human. I don't believe one can or even should approach this topic if they intend to remove the person from the equation, however this is a tactic that makes it much safer. We can empathize with people, but we don't need to empathize with a topic. De-personification is safe and effective, when shaping the minds of masses. And when it comes to creating an enemy, there is no room for empathy.

He goes on to talk about what human rights are, where he draws inspiration from the American Declaration of Independence.

"If you want to know what rights you have, you ask God. If God is not hte originator of our rights, and if we can make them up as we go along, maybe one day someone will argue that they have the right to murder people just because they feel like it."

I cannot even comment on this, because to compare murder with homosexuality is like comparing a great tragedy with, oh, I dunno, gummy bears?

There was also a brief and humorous mention of how Spongebob Squarepants is a tool of manipulation by gays, in order to lure children, and as proof, His Grace gave couple of pieces of evidence. One form of evidence is that Spongebob toys are found in gay shops. Um, ever heard of Kitsch? (or would it be Camp, in this case?) Either way, we love the stuff. The other piece of evidence is that Spongebob is known to hold hands with his starfish friend.

Men Holding Hands: an effective tool in
brainwashing your children to become homosexual

I enjoyed mostly hearing him say the words "Tinkly-Winkly", with his very proper deep Australian-accented voice. It turned my look of concern into a smile for a brief moment.

His Grace talks about Sara Michelle Geller's girl-on-girl make-out scene in Cruel Intentions, as if it was part of Hollywood's attempt to homosexualize America. Now, let's get real here. Girl-on-girl make outs on screen, especially in a film like Cruel Intentions are generally born in the fantasies of and entertainment for heterosexual men.

He also speaks about a questionnaire given to students in Framingham, MA. His Grace claims this questionnaire was given to students to undermine their heterosexuality, and an attempt to make heterosexuality seem abnormal, while homosexuality is the norm. The questions were as follows:

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When did you first decide you were heterosexual?

3. Is it possible heterosexuality is a phase you will grow out of?

4. Is it possible you are heterosexual because you fear the same sex?

5. If you have never slept with anyone of the same sex, how do you know you wouldn't prefer it? Is it possible you merely need a good gay experience?

6. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexuality? How did they react?

7. Why are heterosexuals so blatant, always making a spectacle of their heterosexuality? Why can't they just be who they are and not flaunt their sexuality by kissing in public, wearing wedding rings, etc.?

I think the questionnaire is brilliant. It is not an attempt at ostracizing or even debasing heterosexuality, but it's an interesting point to make regarding how the world sees, and questions homosexuals. In an attempt to understand what it is like to be gay, asking heterosexuals these questions, I feel can show the truth about sexual orientation of those who are not in the majority. Why do we not have the capacity or right to be understood?

But I would say the most troubling part of this whole lecture, is the association His Grace draws between homosexuality and pedophelia, by quoting passages from the North American Man / Boy Love Association, a pro-pedophelia organization, that His Grace presents to the congregation as a mainstream gay thought and ideas. NAMBLA is condemned by the gay community! Just have a conversation, I'm sure most do not know it exists, and if they did know the organization existed, they would be as opposed to it as you are.

Today, almost all gay rights groups disavow any ties to NAMBLA, voice disapproval of its objectives, and attempt to prevent NAMBLA from having a role in gay and lesbian rights events."
Wikipedia entry on NAMBLA

Gregory King of the Human Rights Campaign later said that "NAMBLA is not a gay organization ... They are not part of our community and we thoroughly reject their efforts to insinuate that pedophilia is an issue related to gay and lesbian civil rights." NAMBLA responded by claiming that "man/boy love is by definition homosexual," that "man/boy lovers are part of the gay movement and central to gay history and culture," and that "homosexuals denying that it is 'not gay' to be attracted to adolescent boys are just as ludicrous as heterosexuals saying it's 'not heterosexual' to be attracted to adolescent girls."

"Gamson, Joshua (1997). ''Messages of Exclusion: Gender, Movements, and Symbolic Boundaries''. Gender and Society 11(2):178-199"

In 1994 the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) adopted a "Position Statement Regarding NAMBLA" saying GLAAD "deplores the North American Man Boy Love Association's (NAMBLA) goals, which include advocacy for sex between adult men and boys and the removal of legal protections for children. These goals constitute a form of child abuse and are repugnant to GLAAD." Also in 1994 the Board of Directors of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF) adopted a resolution on NAMBLA that said: "NGLTF condemns all abuse of minors, both sexual and any other kind, perpetrated by adults. Accordingly, NGLTF condemns the organizational goals of NAMBLA and any other such organization."

Wikipedia entry on NAMBLA

To draw the association between gay people and NAMBLA is about as fair and about as truthful as quoting Nazi propaganda while giving a talk about Germans.

My response is as follows:

Your Grace,
I am disappointed that a man of your stature and ability, one I respect greatly, has settled for fear-mongering and fact twisting in order to shape public opinion on a very human, sensitive, and controversial topic. I cannot say I blame you completely because maybe your sources lead you in the wrong direction.
  As a gay man who has struggled his whole life to find answers to why he was so different, and has found a place of peace in regards to his faith and his relationship to God, I can honestly say that I am completely misrepresented in your lecture and I don't think I would be out of line if I said that I do not just speak for myself.
  I am afraid for the people in your congregations who are gay, who will hear lectures like these and think "this is how the church sees me, this is how my family will see me." There are few options if they believe these things: 1) to hide and repress, only to express their God given desires in very unhealthy ways. 2) to cut off completely, becoming vulnerable to true evils, and to very unhealthy behavior.
  How many people have left the church, not because their homosexuality has made them lose interest in faith and in God, on the contrary, it is their church who has lost hope in them. It is their church who has told them there is no place for them within her walls. The result of such disconnection is far worse than you can imagine. Some like me have been lucky to have maintained close ties, especially to faith, while others have felt they needed to walk away completely for safely. While for others there have been some great casualties, and preventable disease and anguish, if understanding was sought, and love and compassion were given.
   To the average gay or lesbian, it is clear that sexual orientation is not a choice, nor is it something that can be changed, that it is as natural and as it can be. While it may not be the majority of what humans feel in regards to sexuality, as one myself, I can assure you that I did not choose this, nor has embracing it taken me further from God or from what is true, on the contrary, my life has improved for the better, and I only have God to thank, and I truly feel lucky that I was not one of the many causalities of being both Coptic and gay.
  Your Grace, I urge you to reach out to gay people and ask them questions about their lives, build relationship and have dialogue, I assure you that what you will find in the process may surprise you. Gay people are not an agenda, in fact most of us just want one thing: to be safe to find love and companionship in this world, that is all.   We don't want to brainwash people, we don't hate heterosexuals, we don't even want to rape children. Many of us feel afraid, and many of us suffer both emotional and physical harm, not just in the USA but throughout the world, and it is for this that people are fighting for equality, so that such atrocities cannot occur. Injustice is something that we are taught to fight against as Christians, so why is the church only adding to this injustice?
  Yes, the gay community does have a lot of pain and brokenness due to the decades of having to build a culture without role-models or approval, completely in the shadows, and we often have become reactionary to the world around us, but the time of reaction is over, and the time to build and self-accept is now. The brokenness of the gay community is also a result of being human, there is brokenness in the church, and it is also easy for the gay community to de-personalize Christians and talk about "the church" and withhold compassion because of fear. Do you not see the parallels? Instead of dealing with this brokenness with more misunderstanding, why can't we start having compassion for each other?
  Your Grace, I am just a gay man, son of heterosexual parents, friend to several, brother to many, and boyfriend to one, who is seeking truth for my life, and justice for those who are suffering at the hands of men; those who are suffering not for the sake of truth or justice, but who are needlessly suffering vain.

I also want to say:

Dear LGBT Coptic Brothers and Sisters,

  One man's voice, and often many people's voices are not the truth of how God feels about you and where you belong in this world. Above all things you are loved and accepted. Do not allow the imperfect voices to tell you who you are. This verse is for you:

"Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely for my sake. Rejoice and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven" Matthew 5:11-12

My hope is that truth can find you, and love can embrace you.

A Place To Call Home

2010-08-20T11:42:00.000-07:00

While I often attend the Coptic Church, sometimes I need to be in a place that's mentally and spiritually safer for me. While we hold onto our traditions and the way we worship as something familiar and beautiful to us, it is also important to experience God's love in a community that recognizes and blesses us as well. I'll never forget the first time I stood in a church where there were other gay people around, and they weren't crying and praying to be straight. It impacted me for life.

We need to find community. That is the intention of the gospel, to experience God with each other. It's hard to be silent, although sometimes it is absolutely necessary. Make sure you find a place where you can be safe, and trust me, the clubs and bars aren't the only places to find that safety.

For locals who are looking to worship in a place that's able to acknowledge and bless your existence, check out Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles. Check out their worship schedule.

If you're a fan of the Jesuits, you can also check out Blessed Sacrament Church in Hollywood

Hold My Stones

2010-08-19T14:27:00.000-07:00

Pat Robertson, ProtectMarriage, and NOM: this one's for you. Aside from the cheesy music at the end, this was kind of brilliant.

The Road Less Traveled

2010-08-12T14:32:00.000-07:00

I've been told by a few folks that homosexuality is a struggle, and that it is my cross. That it is the thing that God gave me to test my faith. I've been told that everyone struggles. Some people struggle with poverty, some people struggle with disease, some people struggle with not knowing what to watch on TV (which is why they invented TiVo™), and in my case, my struggle is with homosexuality, and if I am to "give in" to it, then where is the struggle? I will have none, because my life will be easy.

When has a gay man ever had an easy life?

Growing up in the coptic church, I learned the importance of appearances. I guarantee you, sometimes it is much easier to bottle up who you are, in order to maintain the acceptance of a society that has surrounded you from birth. People do it all the time, just ask the girl who looks around at the club to make sure no one is there from church that she knows. Ask the man, who oppresses his family and beats his children, but is kind and affectionate with strangers. All to maintain acceptance by the people around them.

We can ask those people, or let's rewind 6 years and talk to yours truly, when he was a sophomore in college. I never really understood why my friends had such a hard time abstaining from sex with their girlfriends, it was a breeze for me. It was easier to focus on the fact that I was just a "good guy", rather than a "gay guy" (well, they don't have to be mutually exclusive). Girls always found me to be very nice, and safe, and many even fell for me over the years, and I promise you, I wasn't giving them any signals intentionally. Every once in a while, I'd find a girl I could hang around who was not only beautiful but fun to be around, and I'd call her my girlfriend. Lust was not one of the things I had to worry about. Being gay was just not an option for me. It was a choice that people made, as I was taught, why would I be steered wrong? Why would I choose something like this? I mean, obviously people who aren't gay would know more about being gay than I would, right?

I had it all, parents who were proud of me, a church community I was active in, a track record that was decent enough I could walk around heaven with my head held high and give high-fives to the saints, young and old. I had friends who were fun. Every once in a while, I'd find myself wanting to be much closer to my male friends than I actually was, to the point of even frustration and heartbreak for me, but I figured all guys went through this, so, let it be, right? The occasional dream where I was making out with a dude that I knew. Yes I'm sure all straight guys experience this.

The idea of facing and even accepting that my sexuality was bent towards men, was something I was not prepared to do. I could not even imagine what my parents would think. How many nights do I remember watching the news with them, when a report of a gay parade would come on, or some celebrity would come out of the closet, and they would shake their heads and point their eyes upwards and ask the good Lord about how he allowed this country to get so weird and "disgusting". I'm not sure they ever got an answer, although I should probably double-check. I couldn't imagine them looking at me, the same way they looked at those people on the television. It was as if the word gay, would suddenly put filters on their eyes, and whenever they'd look at me, they'd see a dancing man in a speedo atop a float. I couldn't risk that.

And my friends. There wasn't a gay man among us, so it was safe to call each other names like "fag", "queer", or the occasional and passé, "that's so gay" without offending anyone, because deep down, my group of friends had a non-verbal agreement that homosexuality was weird, maybe even a bad thing, so we could tease each other with bad words, and it's funny. What would I lose if I held my hand up and say, "uh hey guys, I'm actually a queer, too."

Above all, it was the sense of guilt I had started to feel in relation to my spiritual life. Everything I had been taught thus far didn't make sense in light of what I was experiencing. If being gay was a choice, and homosexuality was not innate, then why am I an exact copy of all the people in my life, except one thing: my desires for companionship and intimacy were targeted towards certain members of my same gender. If the devil made me do it, and the devil was suggesting I try something so bad, why did I not already have desires for the opposite sex, because that would be from within me. If the devil is feeding me information, it would only make sense that I already had some sense of "normal" sexuality already, and this gay stuff was just a wicked bonus. Maybe the devil wasn't suggesting anything at all? The thought of being cursed by God was definitely something I was not willing to risk.

However, inside I began to hurt, and it was a pain that started to break me down ever so slowly. The pain of not knowing who you are, is something that no person should ever have to go through, because it is probably the most dangerous and self-destructive forces that can plague a human being. I had a few options, I could either come out, or I could find some other way to deal with this mess.

Four years later I came out. What happened in those four years is another story for another day.

Coming out as a gay man actually ended up creating more struggle for me than I had anticipated. Life didn't become easy and struggle-free. It was tough! Dealing with family and having to see the pain in their eyes as they saw their dreams for me crash at an alarming rate. Having to tell certain friends, and having some embrace me, and having some shun me. Straight people have to deal with these things in regards to a particular person whom they may choose to date or love, or maybe in regards to an entire race they may be attracted to, but never in regards to the entire gender that draws their attention and love.

Forget about other people, how about my own dreams, of having a wife and biological children, and the idea that I can continue my generations and traditions in the way that was laid out before me. It was a dream that took a while to die to.

Oh but the struggle doesn't stop there. I started to understand the struggle people go through in regards to having integrity in dating, especially in regards to physical intimacy. In fact I started to realize I wasn't much different from my straight cohorts. I started to feel, dare I say, normal. Feeling normal was something I knew I could never take for granted after spending so many years looking in the mirror and seeing a freak.

I was also facing the struggle of entering into a world with few role models of the kind of life I wanted to live, and I realized that it had nothing to do with the nature of homosexuality but rather the byproduct of the development of a subculture that had been forced into secrecy without boundaries or borders; but if "Tuesdays With Morrie" taught me anything, it was that if necessary, you must create your own culture, and so I am :)

So struggle is there, hardcore, in fact! However what makes it worthwhile? It is the peace I feel within that is unshakable! It is the peace that comes from being transparent with oneself and in front of the Divine, that makes me stand strong in light of all these things. It is the healing I have experienced and the fact that my sexuality is not a mountain of an issue anymore, rather it is a part of a rather rich and full life, just like it is for other people out there.

While my road is not so straight, it is most definitely narrow.

So, why am I doing this...

2010-08-10T18:38:00.000-07:00

Photo Credit: Omar Eduardo. Used under Creative Commons License

There are a number of reasons why I decided to start this blog:

1) There is a lot of misinformation out there about what it means to be gay, and what it means to be a gay christian, and there is even less information on what it means to be a gay orthodox christian, and there is ZERO information out there about what it means to be a gay coptic christian. I am hoping to share my own experience to help offer another view to those who may be looking for answers or a shared experience

2) When I was younger, unfortunately, I had nobody to turn to during the time I realized I was gay. All that was available to me was what I could find on the internet, which needless to say, can be troublesome. I was too afraid to reach out to friends, because of all the cultural brainwashing I had experienced growing up, about how shameful and wrong it was to be gay, I was certain those I knew would have abandoned me. As a result, I was steered in the wrong direction of reparative therapy in an attempt to change me, in order to conform my psyche and sexuality to that which was acceptable to the church, as well as to certain christian views and opinions about what it means to be gay. I wish I found something like this when I was younger, an honest story from someone I could relate to. I know there are LGBT youth and adults who are struggling with their own identity, and I wanted to let them know that they're not alone, and there are answers for them out there.

3) For those who would not classify themselves as a LGBT person, but may be the parent of a gay child, who may be the child of a gay parent, or who may be a priest, sunday school teacher, or just someone who is curious and had nothing better to do than to search for "orthodox" and "gay" in their favorite search engine: I'm writing to you as well. I'm writing to let you know that LGBT people are humans, with the same hearts, same spirits, same desire for love, and the same desire for meaning, whether it be through spirituality or otherwise. I'm writing to those who may be shocked, confused, intrigued, angered, or even humored by the knowledge of a loved one who is gay, to let you know that your reaction is honest, but to keep in mind, there is more to a person than what you have characterized him or her to be. Hopefully the spirit of this journal is one that can bring about dialogue and trust.

Which leads me to: What is this blog NOT about:

1) This blog is not intended to claim to have all the right answers. I am not here to convince anyone of anything. I am merely offering a perspective that is rarely discussed.

2) This journal is not intended to represent the official teachings or leadership of any church

3) As this is a sensitive subject, as with all sensitive subjects, emotions can become heightened. Hostile language or behavior will not be tolerated in comments or postings.

Well, that was my first post, let's see what happens next...