tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55587124620889107282024-03-12T20:55:58.693-07:00Being Queer and Copticchristian, coptic orthodox, and queer: sound like a contradiction? To many people, perhaps. To me and many others, not so much. Growing up queer and orthodox had its challenges. I hope that others out there who are struggling or who are in the shadows may stumble upon this blog. I hope to let others know they don't have to be alone.Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.comBlogger64125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-2399482318291301902020-02-10T21:43:00.002-08:002020-02-10T21:54:08.270-08:00What a feelingOh my, aren't these interesting days to be a queer and a Copt, eh? We have 25-years-too-late ex-gay endorsers over here, we've got medical doctors promoting illegal therapies over there, we've got fake seminaries pretending to do demographic research but really they're mobilizing a witch-hunt over to the left. Many the cast of characters keeps growing. We've got men in black, men in glasses, men who wear boxers but really wish they could just go commando. Brothers why are you giving us a bad name? I gotta say, my sisters have been showing up. I repeat. The sisters are representing strong. You know who you are.<br />
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I've been inspired this last week, to see the number of friends we have, who don't feel the same we do, but wanna march with us just the same.<br />
<br />There's so much to write about but let me give you the brief summary:<br />
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<b>The Comprehensive Survey on Homosexuality</b><br />
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The Holy Sophia Seminary of the New York and New England diocese, has formed a questionable research department. Their third and most recent survey was entitled "Homosexuality - A Comprehensive Survey", and it was filled with biased, homophobic, disrespectful language, and a clear agenda to deal with the gay "issue" in the church.<br />
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<b>Doctor Brainwashes Children</b><br />
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Give it a watch, it's both disturbing and he's slightly fun to watch:<br /><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VOBeI2frn4">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VOBeI2frn4</a><br /><br />This medical doctor is teaching a room of elementary aged kids, that gay people should undergo change therapy, in the State of New York, where performing this therapy on minors is illegal.<br /><br />
<b>Allies all over</b><br />
The LGBT Copts page lead me to find communities out there of supporters. We aren't alone, and this humbles me.<br />
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<br />More on all this later. Oh, what a feeling.</div>
Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-7146613822222104622019-12-29T08:12:00.001-08:002019-12-29T08:18:42.007-08:00Open Statement Against the Coptic Church's Position on the LGBTQI+ Community<b>Open Statement Against the Coptic Church’s Position on the LGBTQI+ Community</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVcGMXOHdbwc6VkWYobwT_Ut7Nmy4myo9r-WdbFpzKXSP6AkLPxEjeiDrzAIAjqQg0y9ZG4wOlyAaeO161CnXu6U4oaKCqLi49E0CIpvnAVRtALmWKldZtDWtjmCgfeioOFjavT83o-Vrj/s1600/79315606_2688071207919898_5938967415541989376_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="511" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVcGMXOHdbwc6VkWYobwT_Ut7Nmy4myo9r-WdbFpzKXSP6AkLPxEjeiDrzAIAjqQg0y9ZG4wOlyAaeO161CnXu6U4oaKCqLi49E0CIpvnAVRtALmWKldZtDWtjmCgfeioOFjavT83o-Vrj/s320/79315606_2688071207919898_5938967415541989376_o.jpg" width="127" /></a></div>
We, a group of Copts from around the world, note the recent convention hosted by the synodal committee for mental health and anti-addiction titled, “Homosexuality: Preservation and Recovery”.
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We oppose the claim that homosexuality is a mental illness or an addicition. We are dismayed that the Church would still participate in and promote such an outdated and harmful ideology that has no place in our church or in our society. Such rhetoric and framework only further marginalises LGBTQI+ members in our Coptic community and outside of it.
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We believe in fighting against oppression, something that is rooted in biblical teachings to “break the yoke” of oppression. Many of us remember the nature of Christ, who tore down traditions in favour of love, actively spent time with people deemed "outcasts," and specifically condemned judging. We acknowledge that the oppressed in our society include members of the LGBTQI+ community. We condemn the promotion of so called “conversion therapy,” because its harms on LGBTQI+ youth are well <a href="https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-involved/trevor-advocacy/50-bills-50-states/about-conversion-therapy/" target="_blank">documented</a>. An exclusionary and prejudiced society causes and exercerbates high rates of suicide and <a href="https://www.thetrevorproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/The-Trevor-Project-National-Survey-Results-2019.pdf" target="_blank">mental illness</a> amongst LGBTQI+ youth.
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The framing of homosexuality as a mental illness is an outdated belief that violates human rights. It has been over forty years since the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/1973/12/16/archives/psychiatrists-in-a-shift-declare-homosexuality-no-mental-illness.html" target="_blank">removed</a> homosexuality as a <a href="https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Policy_Statements/2018/Conversion_Therapy.aspx" target="_blank">mental illness</a>. Since, many <a href="https://annals.org/aim/fullarticle/2292051/lesbian-gay-bisexual-transgender-health-disparities-executive-summary-policy-position" target="_blank">medical</a> and mental health practicitioners have condemned the practice of conversion therapy. It is with sadness that we acknowledge that many countries, including Egypt, have yet to decriminalise homosexuality and we pledge our solidarity with members of the LGBTQI+ community who are fighting against oppression and prejudice all over the world. Further, discrimination aganist LGBTQI+ individuals is illegal in many jursidictions around the world where large numbers of Copts live, including in the United States, the European Union, Canada, Australia and South Africa. Conversation therapy is <a href="https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/Conversion-Therapy-LGBT-Youth-Jan-2018.pdf" target="_blank">legally</a> restricted and has been condemned by several <a href="https://store.samhsa.gov/system/files/sma15-4928.pdf" target="_blank">governmental entities</a>.
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMp0WSUvOrZbIj1Cs44ydmHCgpOGX1emwVxvVBS3J3PxD8gKtmdz-B0mo7DPgKFZpDKW6KnlA6gQU5KwwMDB16pwIOC1hbl6NAEDcWVTIOE8qhjhPZcpY9nv-4djlmtjfANnNtPKv-cX7t/s1600/78259769_2688066874586998_4105830040229380096_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="688" data-original-width="1032" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMp0WSUvOrZbIj1Cs44ydmHCgpOGX1emwVxvVBS3J3PxD8gKtmdz-B0mo7DPgKFZpDKW6KnlA6gQU5KwwMDB16pwIOC1hbl6NAEDcWVTIOE8qhjhPZcpY9nv-4djlmtjfANnNtPKv-cX7t/s320/78259769_2688066874586998_4105830040229380096_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Group photo from the recent convention <br />
on homosexuality by the synodal committee</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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The church prides itself on being “unchanged” from the time of its creation. However, harmful beliefs and practices in our society need to be changed. It is clear from the recent convention that Coptic church leaders refuse to engage with alternative views on sexuality and we urge them to seek further education. Misinformation, and subsequent harm, has resulted in many Copts leaving the Church. We urge the Coptic leadership to acknowledge its role in perpetuating prejudice and violence against members of the LGBTQI+ community and to start making amends for it.<br />
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We pledge our solidarity with the many LGBTQI+ Copts around the world. We are straight and queer Copts, and we affirm your/our existence and right to live without fear and prejudice. We remember also our LGBTQI+ ancestors who faced an intolerant society and who we may never know about for that reason.
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We pray that Church leaders will hear our call with open minds and hearts, so that we may all begin to heal.
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Sincerely,
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Mental Health Experts, Academics, Community Activists and Community Members<br />
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<a href="https://docs.google.com/document/d/1P5r8nrloppqNK8RQN2tde19gWeRqW7nrsFb8cazwujc/edit?fbclid=IwAR2gJZ7fAjUC8YaBzdvzaNoHkcjlrHqJTTtB7Fof-Um2ZeQoKEaf46j0MqA">https://docs.google.com/document/d/1P5r8nrloppqNK8RQN2tde19gWeRqW7nrsFb8cazwujc/edit?fbclid=IwAR2gJZ7fAjUC8YaBzdvzaNoHkcjlrHqJTTtB7Fof-Um2ZeQoKEaf46j0MqA</a>Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-53262985970130846062017-04-09T16:38:00.001-07:002017-04-09T16:38:13.102-07:00CondolencesPrayers with the people of Morkosiya in Alexandria, and St. George Tanta.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLn8d1mWQ54KuAozAj9HCbDa2BH7TPvPkQ8u0zFpha_PAvlNPcBNh3GSoMnt81ACC7rZJsrALS3YNlCiANr_FPYp7YZUtGg_y131uFeGQcafM-lzwF9bBdM6GOCy4Q2wVKSqZUlWKdMEom/s1600/red-rose-320868_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="308" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLn8d1mWQ54KuAozAj9HCbDa2BH7TPvPkQ8u0zFpha_PAvlNPcBNh3GSoMnt81ACC7rZJsrALS3YNlCiANr_FPYp7YZUtGg_y131uFeGQcafM-lzwF9bBdM6GOCy4Q2wVKSqZUlWKdMEom/s400/red-rose-320868_1280.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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While my relationship with the church has been very complicated, I know who I am and where I belong. My love for the church and her people is unshaken. No amount of struggle will make me turn my back on my people during a time like this, even if backs have been turned on me.<br />
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And shame on the sons of bitches who bombed innocent people.Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-3999440177364177122017-04-02T19:16:00.001-07:002017-04-02T19:24:39.698-07:00Christian Empathy Training: The Gay Method<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUS21rExO46OF4-E3dpccFuu6QaE_LIWGKAxN9v0MNk4G72i47rpRvoUAs-a1_9vlP3wVJ05kevr-MoxoNUSOah35RpPVdm9C41j5eeGQbI8yYVrJVXQucNc46JbFnG2rwBYSsw0V_0Rnf/s1600/empathy-caring-employees-hr-human-resources.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="158" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUS21rExO46OF4-E3dpccFuu6QaE_LIWGKAxN9v0MNk4G72i47rpRvoUAs-a1_9vlP3wVJ05kevr-MoxoNUSOah35RpPVdm9C41j5eeGQbI8yYVrJVXQucNc46JbFnG2rwBYSsw0V_0Rnf/s400/empathy-caring-employees-hr-human-resources.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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It's been a while since I've visited the Coptic Church in my town. I have my pick to choose from, and especially with the advent of the <a href="http://www.stpauloc.org/" target="_blank">American Coptic brand of churches</a>, one might think I'd find somewhat more of a home than I had in the past. Although I'm skeptical at this point.<br />
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On the one hand, there are many in the church who like the idea of gays and lesbians attending their church, in a posture of regret and denouncement of their gay lifestyles, however are probably not comfortable calling them friend, and even more problematic, are not sure how to handle the fact that many queer folk do not believe their orientation is something to be repentant of, so then what? </div>
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On the other hand, people who identify somewhere on the LGBT spectrum could be a great gift for the church: by pushing the limits of conformity, sparking dialogue among people, building relationships (which happen to be the only way to change hearts).</div>
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But is it the responsibility of a gay person to carry the burden of changing the community? </div>
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Is there another way for the church to change without queer men and women carrying the torch?</div>
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Is the church at this point ready to have these conversations?</div>
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Is the church a dangerous place for gay men and women?</div>
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Many questions to ask, few answers. What do you think?</div>
Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-31986707481207865652015-07-01T10:13:00.000-07:002015-07-01T10:18:25.538-07:00An Open Letter to the Coptic Community<i>I wrote this letter years ago to one of our esteemed Bishops. I never got a reply. Seeing the reaction of many in the Coptic Community in response to Friday's legislation on same-sex marriages, I see the importance of sending this same letter to the whole community, or anyone who will listen. I made a few edits, but everything here still is true, even years later.</i><br />
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Dear fellow Copts,<br />
<br />
I am disappointed that a community of people of our wealth, wisdom, and history, one that I respect greatly, have settled for fear-mongering and fact twisting in order to shape public opinion on a very human, sensitive, and controversial topic. I cannot say I blame you completely because maybe your sources lead you in the wrong direction. <br />
As a man who has struggled his whole life to find answers to why he was so different, and has found a place of peace in regards to his faith and his relationship to God, I can honestly say that I am completely misrepresented in your content, posts, and conversations and I don't think I would be out of line if I said that I do not just speak for myself. <br />
I am afraid for the people in your congregations who are gay, who will read posts like these and think "this is how the church sees me, this is how my family will see me." There are few options if they believe these things: 1) to hide and repress, only to express their God given desires in very unhealthy ways. 2) to cut off completely, becoming vulnerable to true evils, and to very unhealthy behavior.<br />
How many people have left the church, not because their homosexuality has made them lose interest in faith and in God, on the contrary, it is their church who has lost hope in them. It is their church who has told them there is no place for them within her walls. The result of such disconnection is far worse than you can imagine. Some like me have been lucky to have maintained close ties, especially to faith, while others have felt they needed to walk away completely for safely. While for others there have been some great casualties, and preventable disease and anguish, if understanding was sought, and love and compassion were given. <br />
To the average gay or lesbian, it is clear that sexual orientation is not a choice, nor is it something that can be changed, that it is as natural and as it can be. While it may not be the majority of what humans feel in regards to sexuality, as one myself, I can assure you that I did not choose this, nor has embracing it taken me further from God or from what is true, on the contrary, my life has improved for the better, and I only have God to thank, and I truly feel lucky that I was not one of the many causalities of being both Coptic and gay.<br />
My friends, I urge you to reach out to gay people and ask them questions about their lives, build relationship and have dialogue, I assure you that what you will find in the process may surprise you. Gay people are not an agenda, in fact most of us just want one thing: to be safe to find love and companionship in this world, that is all. We don't want to brainwash people, we don't hate heterosexuals, we don't even want to rape children. Many of us feel afraid, and many of us suffer both emotional and physical harm, not just in the USA but throughout the world, and it is for this that people are fighting for equality, so that such atrocities cannot occur. Injustice is something that we are taught to fight against as Christians, so why is the church only adding to this injustice?<br />
Yes, the gay community does have a lot of pain and and carries many scars due to the decades of having to build a culture without role-models or approval, completely in the shadows, and we often have become reactionary to the world around us, but the time of reaction is over, and the time to build and self-accept is now. The imperfections of the gay community is also a result of being human, there are imperfections in the church, and it is also easy for the gay community to de-personalize Christians and talk about "the church" and withhold compassion because of fear. Do you not see the parallels? Instead of dealing with our mistakes with more misunderstanding, why can't we start having compassion for each other?<br />
I am just a man, son of heterosexual parents, friend to several, brother to many, who is seeking truth for my life, and justice for those who are suffering at the hands of men; those who are suffering not for the sake of truth or justice, but who are needlessly suffering vain.<br />
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I also want to say:<br />
<br />
Dear LGBT Coptic Brothers and Sisters,<br />
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One man's voice, and often many people's voices are not the truth of how God feels about you and where you belong in this world. Above all things you are loved and accepted. Do not allow the imperfect voices to tell you who you are. This verse is for you:<br />
"Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely for my sake. Rejoice and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven" Matthew 5:11-12<br />
My hope is that truth can find you, and love can embrace you.Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-34882922030422211822015-06-28T23:04:00.002-07:002015-06-29T07:32:51.729-07:0048 Hours of Gay Marriage<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS78suaCOp_9F2v1Xnx1398W5CQTQHLqFh8-xbr7De0w0w_PwJvx5xQ3Gji-IAx9L8cnn2Q3qgY5WP-fKPdkLw3wEA2RKVxhbxFg4_6wns2mJdumPDg0hXc7Ia2xVPMI7Aje2MasxC3AU7/s1600/white-house-rainbow-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS78suaCOp_9F2v1Xnx1398W5CQTQHLqFh8-xbr7De0w0w_PwJvx5xQ3Gji-IAx9L8cnn2Q3qgY5WP-fKPdkLw3wEA2RKVxhbxFg4_6wns2mJdumPDg0hXc7Ia2xVPMI7Aje2MasxC3AU7/s400/white-house-rainbow-2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Of course it would take something like the United States legalizing same sex marriage to get me out of hibernation and posting again. It's the perfect climate to make a statement, right? But unlike many brands that have adorned rainbow colors to sell more toilet paper and magazine subscriptions, I have nothing to sell, except good old-fashioned conversation! I wanna write to the LGBT community, and I wanna write to the Christians, especially the Copts.<br />
<br />
Let me start out by saying, I am absolutely thrilled that we've arrived at this moment in American History. It really is a no-brainer that the government honor and respect the commitments made by two adults, regardless of their gender. I even feel silly getting into arguments about it. We live in a country where its Constitution demands that all citizens get equal protection under the law, and while we can clearly see that this is often times not the case (and I bow my head in the shadow of the slain children of America like Oscar Grant and countless others), every time we make a step towards that standard, I will celebrate. But we should not be done striving until we are much, much farther along, am I right?<br />
<br />
Yesterday however, was a moment I've imagined so many times in my heart of hearts, and I imagined it being a day where I could feel at ease, because I would be living in a society that had become more just than the day before. The problem is, I was not the experiencing this ease or relief whatsoever. Yesterday was one of the most isolating experiences I've had in a very long time, and it caught me completely by surprise. The American population was ablaze in dialogue, the kind of dialogue where someone is made to be an enemy. The cries of victory became muffled along side an ocean of content: written by people talking about things that they have absolutely no intimate knowledge of, and about people they have no relationship with, and doing so with absolute certainty. <br />
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Christians pontificating about gays. Gays pontificating about Christians. And for those of us who do not fit into the battle-zones clearly mapped out in front of us by the media, some clergy, and the very zealously conservative church servant, their world quickly became unwelcoming and polarizing. And the safe place of a fair and equal society no longer feels very safe at all. And the church that promises to love the broken and heal the wounded, suddenly again, feels like a harsh and hostile place. We say that Love Won, on Friday, but the world around me was utterly divided.<br />
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My Christian and Coptic brothers and sisters: I understand that the law has now sided with something you do not understand nor agree with. I know you feel that your morals are under attack, that your children are at risk, and I know that it feels like the whole world around you is celebrating something that might offend some of you. And it's not just about understanding, but it's about celebrating something contrary to your teaching and dogma. You are hearing the words in the back of your mind, that the world will be against you for standing for your truth, and you feel you are seeing the prophesies come true, about a pre-apocalyptic world, where materialism and sex are elevated and celebrated over humility and truth. This experience for you must be 100% terrifying, You also feel that you're being under attack for simply having these views and feelings. <br />
<br />
Many of you, in your heart of hearts, are trying to speak your truth in love, and many feel that they're being misunderstood, unfairly judged, and publicly mocked. Many of you moved to the United States, because you know the experience of religious inequality in Egypt, and you came to build a better life for you and your families. Many of you fear that the church will be under attack in the wake of this new legislation. <br />
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I just want to remind you of something, my dear brothers and sisters, remember that we live in a country where the laws and the Church are often not on the same page, nor should they be. Shall we make heavy drinking illegal? What about divorce? Do we really want the Christian version of Sharia Law? What about other religions: and the worshipping of other gods, it's a huge no-no, no? So, where's the outrage around freedom of religion? The laws of this country are meant to protect all of its citizens. Extending marriage benefits to same-sex couples is just part of that protection.<br />
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However, some of you are have reverted to more extreme versions of sensationalism. And I want to kindly ask you, in the most loving way possible, to just get a grip. I mean, really, take a deep breath, and please chill out.<br />
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If the government starts to tell the church that it has to perform same sex weddings, and do things that are clearly outside of its belief system, I'll be protesting this along side with you, along with many other gay people, who understand the importance of protecting religious freedom, even when we don't agree. But that's not what's happening here. Let's distribute the chill-pills.<br />
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But let me remind you of something very important:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.queerty.com/christian-right-prepares-for-arrival-of-marriage-equality-by-doing-even-crazier-things-20150623" target="_blank">These are the voices</a> that the gay community hears when Christians start to pontificate. Think about what our goal is when we start posting and engaging in these conversations. If our goal is to merely have a voice and be heard, then I would think volume would be the only tool we need. Let's be sensational, and controversial, and yell our opinions from the mountaintops then! But maybe just being heard <a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/james/1-19.html" target="_blank">shouldn't be a goal in and of itself.</a><br />
<br />
If our goal is to represent Christ, speak-love, and to <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2025:35-40" target="_blank">do as Jesus asked</a>, remember our voices are falling on ears that are interpreting them in entirely different ways. They are hearing the cumulative history of hostile and violent voices, that get amplified, while the voice of Christ gets muffled. The supposed moral outrage that Copts have expressed is problematic. Many Copts even <a href="http://metro.co.uk/2015/06/28/conservative-radio-host-compares-americas-equal-marriage-act-to-911-5270156/" target="_blank">retweeted Bryan Fischer's despicable comparison</a>, putting 6/26 alongside 9/11. Where is the moral outrage, and where is the public outcry, when Westboro Baptist Church declares to the LGBT community that <a href="http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/06/28/westboro-founder-s-son-taunts-church-over-gay-marriage.html" target="_blank">God hates them</a>? Where is the communal outrage that we should feel because we live in such an affluent society while millions around the world are hungry? <br />
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But many of us, are going to an extreme, and spreading sensational news and images. I saw many posting what I would consider offensive religions homoerotica, and say that "this is the gay community", "this is what they're really like". News flash: this does not represent me, nor does it represent many others, any more than <a href="http://gaycopt.blogspot.com/2010/09/is-god-against-heterosexuality.html" target="_blank">Girls Gone Wild represents heterosexuality</a>. Why are you painting a false picture of me and others like me, who are gay and lesbian, sometimes struggling even to follow Christ in the most impossible of circumstances, why must you speak for us, and paint a picture of who we are, when you know nothing of our hearts and intentions? When you don't know the battles we've fought. When you don't know the family we've lost. When you don't know the isolation we feel. When we are supposedly one Body with you. Why must you ostracize us? <br />
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The voice of Christ is <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+8:1-11" target="_blank">ever loving and ever compassionate.</a> The voice of Christ is one that only knows how to <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+4" target="_blank">reflect back a person's dignity, honor, and best self</a>. My Facebook feed was flooded with requests to<a href="http://gaycopt.blogspot.com/2011/10/hate-sin-hate-sinner.html" target="_blank"> love the sin and hate the sinner</a> (yuck) And quite a few requests to just hate the sinner (yawn) But just remember this: LGBT people are in our churches and in our families. It's true, we exist closer than we might think. Remember this before you speak.<br />
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If you want to read what I believe is a fair and balanced response, from a Christian perspective, <a href="http://edcyzewski.com/2015/06/26/the-supreme-court-just-gave-american-evangelicals-a-gift/" target="_blank">read this article</a>. I believe it puts this issue in its place. Open your mind and heart, and consider, that unless you're willing to open up your heart to your neighbor, you may be part of the problem, and the moral decline of society that you are so concerned about.<br />
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And the fears mentioned above. I share them with you. Materialism and sex are idolized in our society. We see it everywhere in society, regardless of being gay or straight. But at the same time there are gay men and women are also struggling like our heterosexual counterparts, to live holy and righteous lives. To live with meaning amongst the materialism and commercialism. To live pure in the midst of our hyper-sexualized world. Please don't make gays the scapegoat.<br />
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But I promise you, my dear Christian brothers and sisters, the burden to heal the world is not entirely on your shoulders. We need to work together in order to build bridges and dialogue, and help heal the huge divides that we experienced as a society in the last 48 hours.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3ENdUQ75QSmEFAQ-4UGfDIB9gFxllGLCnrqKeSrxzQSl-SFyAmP6NAqdHcmk_P3j4IXW8d-5ZxkSR9D58uH4920hhwHxGZMaR58BSCqvlmX1ENh3IZUkm8MWosMada01r7ev-TiI1zUky/s1600/love_wins_by_whitehotphoenix-d34zlcj.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="278" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3ENdUQ75QSmEFAQ-4UGfDIB9gFxllGLCnrqKeSrxzQSl-SFyAmP6NAqdHcmk_P3j4IXW8d-5ZxkSR9D58uH4920hhwHxGZMaR58BSCqvlmX1ENh3IZUkm8MWosMada01r7ev-TiI1zUky/s320/love_wins_by_whitehotphoenix-d34zlcj.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Love Wins: but where is the love? </b> </div>
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My LGBT brothers and sisters. You've been rejected, and you've lived in fear. You've heard the sounds of hate from those who otherwise attempt to preach love. You've been told that you are more broken and more lost than the average person. You have been told that your sin is not pardonable. You have been pushed away by those who claim to hold the Graces of God above. You've had the keys of Life taken out of your hands, only to be locked out alone in the cold. <br />
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I've walked this with you. I have lived each of these experiences. I know what it's like to be betrayed and shunned by those you served and gave your heart and life for. I know the pain, of being told you don't belong. I know the pain of seeing your loved ones heartbroken and confused, because what makes you happy, and what could bring you joy, brings them sheer distress. I know and have been through all of it.<br />
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At the same time, we're carrying a banner of love, and that is no small thing. If we choose to carry this banner, we must realize, that love does not stop with our romantic partners. Love does not end with those who support us and who agree with our life choices. No, love is not only when it's convenient, and love is not only when it feels good. Love is a force that is greater than you or I, and it is what brought us all into being. So if we say "Love Wins", then we must walk the walk. I've seen the posts on social media. I've seen the countless articles ridiculing the religious, and those who don't understand what we're about. I've seen pieces of content, and tweets, that leave me confused, wondering why so much energy that should be spent in celebrating this victory, is given to mocking the followers of Jesus, when so many are on our side, and even those who don't understand, or don't agree with our life choices, aren't bad people. There is a whole world outside of us. Why are we trying to undermine its existence?<br />
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Some of us have this notion about Christians that are just as extreme and untrue, as the notions that some Christians have about gay people. It's all the same sensational, click-bait, that keeps dividing.<br />
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I just ask, that we don't fall into the same trap, that we don't impart the same judgement, <a href="http://www.queerty.com/christians-warn-against-self-rape-and-other-bizarre-antigay-religious-signage-20140809" target="_blank">ridiculing</a>, and ostracizing. I ask that we consider extending that love. For looking deep within for the strength to love when its inconvenient. That maybe through reaching across the divide, we may learn about others, and that they may learn about us. That we may actually be better together, even if we're not on the same page today. Remember, that an eye for an eye, will leave the whole world blind. And these days, we all need our eyes, in proper working order, more than ever. If we are going to be bold enough to carry the banner that "Love Wins", then we must carry all that comes with love. And it is painful, and seemingly impossible, but it is the only way.<br />
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<h4 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><b>Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8</b></span></h4>
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<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
This is what my faith teaches me, and it brings healing, and forward motion, and dialogue, and complete and utter freedom. To love our enemies is really difficult. To love those who curse us, seems futile and weak. But if love <i>actually</i> wins, and I believe it does, then I want to be on the side of victory.<br />
<h4 style="text-align: center;">
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Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-48984708372903990782013-06-22T18:23:00.002-07:002013-06-22T20:13:00.505-07:00Exodus Exits: I'm Queer and I'm Not Celebrating<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The momentum has been building for almost a decade now, a new generation of Christians have arisen with a desire for authenticity. Smoke in mirrors have no longer been good enough for the people of God found in many branches of faith, and accountability to the truth has tested some of the world's largest faiths institutions in the last 10 years. It should come as no surprise, that Exodus International, small change in comparison to the cathedrals of old, but very influential nonetheless, has been tried by the same fire. At the end of a period of internal reflection, and <a href="http://canyonwalkerconnections.com/alan-chambers-and-the-message-of-exodus-at-the-gay-christian-network-conference/" target="_blank">interfacing with others </a>in a forum of dialogue, understanding and forgiveness, the queer community and the world is met by a public <a href="http://exodusinternational.org/2013/06/i-am-sorry/" target="_blank">apology</a>, and immediately followed by a very surprising announcement that <a href="http://exodusinternational.org/2013/06/exodus-international-to-shut-down/" target="_blank">Exodus is shutting its doors</a>, for good.<br />
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For the gay community at large, most of whom have never even stepped foot through the doors of Exodus or an affiliate ministry, see this as a clear victory, the breakdown of an old mentality that sexual orientation can and <b>should</b> be changed, a belief that many uphold as part of the root causes of homophobia and intolerance in the church. But for many who have been through the difficult and often painful experience of ex-gay and reparative therapy, it's not quite that simple. It's important that even in this conversation, that we uphold the sanctity of the situation. It's troubled me that while we're so advanced in our ideas, philosophies and shiny gadgets we can't seem to grasp that life, its people, ideas and intentions are not so black and white. So it shocked many when they expected me to jump for joy a the wake of this news, and I did not. They said "ding dong the witch is dead" but I couldn't put on the ruby slippers. I didn't quite know what to feel.<br />
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When I heard Exodus was shutting down, I felt like I was about to attend the funeral of someone I once loved who I no longer knew. I thought about the people I knew personally in positions of leadership, and what they must be going through. I think about my friends who believed in the message of Exodus, who are trying to live lives in line with their teachings, and I think about what this means for them and their internal monologues. I wonder about the relationship between LGBT people and the church as a whole. I know some of you have been hurt and confused by the teachings of ex-gay ministries. I have a hospital bill, an empty bottle of anti-depressant medication, a plastic bracelet with my faded name printed on it, that says that I was, too. But part of growth is seeing the world from a place beyond the jagged edge that separates friends and enemies, the good and the bad.<br />
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I went through my period of anger and hurt. It was partially what got me over the hump of the confusion I was living in, and the tail end of a long period of depression. There was a moment where I even thought about filing a lawsuit against Exodus, and devoting time, money, and energy to affecting policy, so that ex-gay ministries could become illegal. Yes, my emotions drove me to fantasizing about being part of a liberal fascist state. But as I grew up, I started to take ownership of the choice I made to participate, and how at the time, given the information I had, it was the best I could do.<br />
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Exodus ministries and the people I met there, were among the <b>first</b> people I came out to. I will not undermine my background, faith and culture, to think that it should have been so easy for me to come out to anyone outside the context of faith, and my relationship with Christ. I could not have done so without erasing the first 15 years of living. When there was no one else, and no where else, they gave me something to hold onto. Actually, before Exodus, I thought there was one of two answers: condemnation, or faithlessness.<br />
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Then there was friendship. The tears I cried back then were real, they were deep, and they were plentiful. There were arms that held me, who let me just express what I needed to. These arms had no intention to take advantage of me, as time certainly told me. But they gave me water when I was thirsty. But the largest thing i got from my experience, was my view of self. Their beliefs triggered me in a way that showed up as a great deal of shame, when I did not measure up. But something else happened. "I'm straight" and "I'm gay", are statements that amplify a cultural harmonic that ones sexual orientation is a large part of one's identity, and that sexuality itself is static. Reconciliation with ones sexual orientation is given a lot more importance than other areas of life, not limited to faith and vocation. When we as humans amplify a single facet of our existence, we become imbalanced. I have seen this on both sides of the coin, gays and ex-gays alike. And after my coming out, that stayed with me. I'm more than who I want sleep with.<br />
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Exodus and its leaders have evolved to a more balanced and honest place. So why are they leaving the conversation? Less compassionate groups will fill the gap when Exodus says goodbye. Will this be better?<br />
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In fact, we need more people in the conversation about faith and sexuality, even to the point of disagreement! But to lose momentum in this area, and to cease struggling to find a place where people can be their best selves, would be the greatest loss of all. I look at the things in LGBT culture that no one questions, and hold onto as a cornerstone of what it means to be gay, and I wonder why we point fingers. Have we ever stopped to think that aspects of the status quo, the <a href="http://gaycopt.blogspot.com/2012/08/grindr-and-death-of-romance.html" target="_blank">mobile apps, the meaningless sex, and venues for pleasure without boundaries</a> is possibly causing damage of an entire different nature than ex-gay therapy? How many have told me how hopeless they feel in the journey to find partnership and commitment because everything we could ever want is accessible, there's no need to stick around for it anymore. I will not celebrate Exodus closing their doors until there's a cultural shift towards integration and wholeness. I hope to see it in my lifetime. I hope to be part of the change.Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-45752608183980680742013-05-12T21:33:00.000-07:002013-05-12T21:33:08.778-07:00Looking For YouYou emailed me, and the title was "a rather depressing story". I tried to write you back, but your email address was no longer active. I'm writing this, hoping you'll read this post, if you indeed are still reading, and will know that you have nothing to fear. And to please get back in touch. Brother, you are cared for and loved, more than you'll ever know. You have to know this. <br />
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When email addresses discontinue, it worries me. It worries me, because I don't wanna see another youth make an irreversible mistake.<br />
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Just know that you're in the hands of God who will never let you go, ever.Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-68558856283998712392012-08-29T13:06:00.002-07:002012-08-29T14:08:42.737-07:00Forced Ex-Gay TherapyThis post comes with an urgent call. There have been reports of clergy in the Coptic Church forcing families and youth to undergo Ex-Gay or Conversion therapy. Everything so far has been heresy and through the grapevine. We need to know if there is anything factual about these reports.<br />
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These practices are dangerous, and in many places illegal, especially if you are a young person and are doing this against your own consent.<br />
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If you are in a situation where you are being forced either by your family or community to undergo Ex-Gay or Conversion Therapy, please reach out and let us know what is going on, because we want to help. You can write me anonymously in a comment, or via my email which is posted on my blog.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Zach Stark: Former Love In Action Graduate</td></tr>
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Love In Action, a Memphis-based live-in program to help cure homosexuals, has come under fire over the last few years because of their practices. Former leader John Smid, came out with this apology and <a href="http://www.gracerivers.com/apology/" target="_blank">a statement that homosexuality cannot be changed or fixed</a>. In the years prior to this, they found themselves in a bit of a mess, because they allowed parents of minors to enroll their children in forced reparative therapy. They called this program "Refuge". How did the ministry become exposed for doing this? This all began with a young man named <a href="http://www.truthwinsout.org/blog/2008/05/627/" target="_blank">Zach Stark</a>, who was registered by his parents in an 8-week stay at the Love In Action house in Memphis. He wrote on his Myspace blog this cry for help:<br />
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<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"Somewhat recently, as many of you know, I told my parents I was gay. This didn’t go over very well, and it ended with my dad crying, my mom tearing and me not knowing what I’d done – or what to do.<br />It kind of … went away for about a week or two I think. … Well today, my mother, father and I had a very long “talk’ in my room where they let me know I am to apply for a fundamentalist Christian program for gays. They tell me that there is something psychologically wrong with me, and they “raised me wrong.’ I’m a big screw up to them, who isn’t on the path God wants me to be on. So I’m sitting here in tears…”"</i></blockquote>
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Many have come forward talking about the damage both psychological and emotional, through the existence of these ministries and having been subjected to them. <br />
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Since then many of the ministries are beginning to understand that they have done significant damage to people through their practices. My question is, why now? Why is the Coptic Church beginning to jump on a bandwagon that is not only almost dead, but is <b><i>harmful to her people</i></b>? <br />
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Please let us know if you have been one of those who have been forced either by your parents or others in your community to undergo this form of therapy. It is one thing if an adult has made a choice to enroll in a program, on their own will, but another if it is something forced under the threat of being ostracized or excommunicated. This has nothing to do with whether you think homosexuality is morally right or wrong, there are other ways of dealing with the things that we deal with, and ex-gay ministries are not the way to deal. Do not be afraid to speak out. We love you and we're on your side.<br />
<br />Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-63636251310205661492012-08-13T22:04:00.000-07:002012-08-13T22:04:39.585-07:00A Question To Those Who Don't Understand<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I love you, man!"</td></tr>
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<i>I want you to take a moment and close your eyes. <b>On second thought</b>, open them again, or else you can't read the rest of this. </i><br />
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Who is your<b> best friend</b>? Who is the person in life you<b> love most</b>? Is it a friend? Is it a parent or spouse or child or mentor? I want you to take a moment and picture yourself and that person in a place you remember fondly where you both shared great memories together. <b>Where is this place and what are you doing?</b><br />
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Ok, have you found this place with this person? Are you in your memory?<br />
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Now in this moment, I want you to picture this person telling you that they themselves are gay and or lesbian. Try this exercise on and really think about what it sounds like with those words coming out of their mouth. Look at their eyes as they tell you this. What do they look like? Look at their body and how they're sitting. Look at how they are looking to you to reveal a part of themselves.<br />
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What is your honest response in that moment? What is your response inside, and what is your verbal response? What is your response today and your response tomorrow? <br />
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I'm not asking your response to gay people everywhere, or the gay agenda, or any of these things. What is your response to that individual who you have brought to mind?<br />
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If you're willing, please comment below and share. In a way, this will help me get to know you all much better than I do now.Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-25218955261097669972012-08-13T16:22:00.000-07:002012-08-13T16:22:07.711-07:00Alec Baldwin - Gay Icon?So in my last post, I decided to spill my guts out a little bit and be honest and vulnerable about some of the things I've been wrestling with in the last several weeks. I used an image of Alec Baldwin smiling, holding a sign that says "I'm Frustrated" Because:<br />
<ol>
<li>That picture is hilarious</li>
<li>Alec Baldwin is awesome</li>
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The only responses I got was that it was offensive that I made Alec Baldwin out to be a gay icon. First of all we've loved Mr. Baldwin since Beetlejuice, and of course SNL's Delicious Dish. But that aside, I'm pretty sure that people feeling the blues is a human problem, not just a gay problem, but my answer to whether or not Alec Baldwin is a gay icon or not, why not let the man speak for himself:
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/LuC9Wa-_FvE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-80358307248880843352012-08-12T13:48:00.000-07:002012-08-12T13:56:25.360-07:00Funkified<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b>I know I'm alone on this one</b>, but do you know what it feels like to complain because life has become completely outside the expectations you've always had? :) I'm sure I'm the only one who understands this.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
All joking aside, that's what the last few months have been like. Dealing with disappointment is something that I've never quite been able to do well. Some might say I'm a champion at it, but I know I could be better. I'm afraid of disappointment becoming the norm, where I might lose hope for the good things that come my way. I fear that mental pathways can become etched so deep they can no longer be repaired. In times like this I hold onto the idea that there is a loving Christ who would even heal someone born blind. Born blind. It doesn't get more miraculous than that.</div>
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I want to get personal for a moment, while I listen to<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCCwFpK-n7A" target="_blank"> Amr Diab</a> in the background of a lazy Sunday afternoon. </div>
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<i>Life hurts</i>. If you haven't been hurt, you haven't walked outside of your house. But life is not about being defined by our pain, but sometimes things can seem overwhelming. You try your best, you try to do best by the ones you love, and the ones who love you, but sometimes we miss the mark: sometimes by a little, often times, we're not even in the ballpark anymore. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2hxrpbeUWtD3Z6mfbT7TsCYs1YYbJZa39sVRRAj1NTssvilvZ8ZVLVAylWiEF49PZL3GKQmeZfAArmTDwiXWBA2eBJ6wxn-nrbzPSTxXtLCXcvdTtA1BiHcHENYEe2wwJDL8kVQlZkbFh/s1600/876b415496b15165_gym_guy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2hxrpbeUWtD3Z6mfbT7TsCYs1YYbJZa39sVRRAj1NTssvilvZ8ZVLVAylWiEF49PZL3GKQmeZfAArmTDwiXWBA2eBJ6wxn-nrbzPSTxXtLCXcvdTtA1BiHcHENYEe2wwJDL8kVQlZkbFh/s320/876b415496b15165_gym_guy.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Calloused</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I'm wearing my mistakes on my sleeve, looking for redemption. Forgiveness is the only way out. Someone has told me once that <b><i>holding onto anger is like holding a hot coal with the intention of throwing it at the object of your anger, but the only one who gets burned is you</i></b>. This would explain the callouses on my palms, when all this time I thought it was from weightlifting (see image for example)</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It's ridiculously hot lately, and while I'd normally be at the beach, today I'm enjoying basking in my air conditioned house with a cold glass of iced tea, and trying to think about healing. So what is bugging me?</div>
<br />
<ol>
<li style="text-align: justify;">My past: Betrayal from some of the closest of loved ones I thought I have forgiven, but in reality I have not. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">My present: Navigating relationships and the bullshit of life, when I know there are greater things I want to be a part of.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">My future: I often ache for the gay community. I see the unhealthiness around me. Sometimes I want to join in, because I don't want to be alone, but I do not want to carve out a future for myself that I will look back and say I should have been stronger.</li>
</ol>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I have <b>deleted Grindr</b>, because I am tired of looking for a rose among weeds. I am looking at making peace with those I have been disappointed by. I'm sure I will find in the process that I have disappointed many of them equally, if not moreso. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I am looking forward for a time of <b>peace</b>, being able to be <b>self-expressed</b>, and <b>radiating</b> the kind of <b>love</b> that is <b>world changing. </b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
This is my goal. I will think about this today. Blessings to you all.</div>Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-71757868825320410552012-08-12T13:35:00.001-07:002012-08-12T13:35:12.338-07:00Gay Orthodox ChristiansSpent a good part of the late morning reading through this blog:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.orthodoxandgay.com/" target="_blank">http://www.orthodoxandgay.com/</a><br />
<br />
You should, too. It's a thoughtful, sober, and insightful collection of writings by a clergy member who gets it. Thank you, Father, for taking the time to put this together.<br />
<br />Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-75412548114248443282012-08-10T08:02:00.001-07:002012-08-10T08:02:15.396-07:00Leftmost Few: Why Can't The Orthodox Church Deal With...My friend at <a href="http://leftmostfew.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Leftmost Few</a> is at it again, with some great thoughts on the subject of why the Orthodox Church is still struggling to understand and speak to the "issue" of homosexuality. This is a must read:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://leftmostfew.blogspot.com/2012/05/why-cant-orthodox-church-deal-with.html" target="_blank">http://leftmostfew.blogspot.com/2012/05/why-cant-orthodox-church-deal-with.html</a>Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-35766865322467385082012-08-10T06:52:00.001-07:002012-08-10T08:12:07.526-07:00Grindr and the Death of Romance<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://image.spreadshirt.net/image-server/image/composition/25198008/view/1/producttypecolor/2/type/png/width/280/height/280/grindr-logo-women-s-shirt-black_design.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://image.spreadshirt.net/image-server/image/composition/25198008/view/1/producttypecolor/2/type/png/width/280/height/280/grindr-logo-women-s-shirt-black_design.png" /></a></div>
It's Saturday Night at 2AM, and you're rolling in from a night out with friends, and suddenly you feel something: silence and quiet. After a whole night of socializing, as tired as you are, you're not sure if going to bed and letting your body and liver rest is exactly your cup of tea at the moment. In fact a cup of tea, bland and watery, is the furthest thing from your mind, as your senses crave something a little spicier. Imagine you had a magical way to see if you could continue the socializing, the flirting, and the rubbing of elbows without having to leave the comfort of your own bed. Imagine you had a magical way to see if there were any cute strangers within a 3 mile radius that you could chat with. Imagine you had a way to flirt from the safety of your mobile device without having to actually truly engage with another human being, where you can get your fill of attention while having the safety net of your bag of potato chips and comfort pants.<br />
<br />
Enter: Grindr.<br />
<br />
Many may find this post judgmental, and I'm very much okay with that. We hate being judgmental, we deplore it, society judges us all the time <brief pause/> ever been on Grindr? <br />
<br />
This is not a rant about Grindr... Fine, it <b>is</b> a rant about Grindr. It's a brilliant idea with 1 million served. It's the ultimate gaydar. But, I think the convenience that such apps provide, can do serious damage not only to individuals but to our community at large. I've been on there, here and there, installed, uninstalled. The attention is great, and can be somewhat addictive. There's a rush you get when someone reaches out and says whispers sweet nothings so softly, that it is completely silent, while the deafening yellow and blue text bubbles that glow brightly against a black background, making your eyes squint in your dark bedroom. And of course when someone reaches out with something more explicit, your self righteousness kicks in so much so that with an air of self-satisfaction you relish the fact that you're not as much of a pervert as they are, yet for the right kind of guy, you may bend your own rules a little bit and engage in a way your normally wouldn't on the street.<br />
<br />
Grindr is killing romance. It is taking a knife, stabbing romance in the heart, and turning the handle faster than you can click that X button and block that guy who just won't take no for an answer.<br />
<br />
Technology is evolving faster than humans are. Hundreds of people, in your own neighborhood, are now at your fingertips to interact with, to flirt with, and to make connections with. Not only that, they're available to talk to right now. Our human capacity isn't as rich as what is available to us to engage with. We can only handle so much before we can no longer give the best of ourselves to the people we meet. You can talk with someone, and before you know it you just got messaged by someone else. You have to make quick decisions about who is worth more to you, at this very moment. You see unlike meeting people in real life, you don't have eye contact, you don't have the physical presence of the human soul in front of you. You don't have the social expectations to be a decent human being. In fact, in your reality, you're just sitting there in your comfort pants eating that bag of potato chips, why the hell should you be expected to be decent? <br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.teenobesity.net/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/Fast_Food_Leads_to_Fast_Weight_Gaining.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="141" src="http://www.teenobesity.net/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/Fast_Food_Leads_to_Fast_Weight_Gaining.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Grindr = Fast Food</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
When dealing with other humans as digital figures, we become a giant in Lilliput, where the biggest thing in our presence is our own egos among tiny faces that love and hate us. It is not sharpening our skills, it is not helping us grow, and it is not getting us anywhere near to the kind of intimacy that is fulfilling. No, I do not think we are just mammals with immediate needs. I believe we are humans! At the end of the day we all want and need the same things: to love and to be loved. We each want respect and care. Yet ironically many of us will strive to perfect our bodies by avoiding fast food and eating whole and nutritious food, we don't care as much for our psyches that we're regular patrons in the biggest fast food chain of human interactions. And like fast food, there is a devaluation of the product, i.e. fellow humans, and this value decreases so fast, that such habitual behavior can leave permanent scars.<br />
<br />
And yes I'm sure you've met some great connections and even made some friends, and for those who do not know where to start meeting people, this may be the easiest way, but let's be real, how much crap do you have to deal with in order to get there? I remember seeing someone's caption once "Looking for a reason to delete this app." People know they don't want to be on there, but feel they don't have a choice.<br />
<br />
Oh, but they do.<br />
<br />
There are so many ways to make friends in real life, there are so many ways to date, even online that are much more humanizing than some of these quick fixes. There are community organizations, there are gatherings, parties, church fellowships, volunteer work. It's the simple act of putting yourself out there and overcoming the fear of connection, where you will be left feeling whole and loved.<br />
<br />
For example: <a href="http://www.laglc.org/">http://www.laglc.org/</a><br />
<br />
I may be the odd man out. I've been told by other conservative gay guys that I need to chill out on my views on these mobile apps, but I'm okay with being a little different here. We're fighting for gay marriage in our society, and yet at the same time as we want the world to acknowledge our growth, where is the movement to grow from within? I know it goes hand in hand, but we really need to start focusing on the strive for a more mature and loving way of relating to each other.<br />
<br />
Luckily there are many gay men out there who have not fallen into this trap, and yes I call it a trap, because it is one of those things that makes it difficult to let go of.<br />
<br />
So kids, don't bother. It will skew your world view of others. It will make you forget the good in people. It will make you devalue intimacy and connection. When you finally meet that special someone, you may find yourself wanting to hold onto the safety net of a digital singles bar in your front pocket. Make friends of flesh and blood. You'll be thankful that you did.<br />
<br />
Now on a completely different topic, I just turned 30 a few weeks back, and after a small mid-life crisis, I think I'm ready to pull up the blinds and wash my face again (slight exaggeration). If you have any advice for someone who has just said goodbye to their 20s, please let me know!<br />
<br />
It's great to be back here.<br />
<br />Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-55762702915723668182011-10-12T21:58:00.000-07:002011-10-14T09:22:28.765-07:00Hate The Sin, Hate The Sinner<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI8UFYDi2t2hhv_dc1fWGq-B_7udAb2qOPqZtf1V6H09RmQW89Vsozrv3HvXlEXgicz0jU_lKOeYrvJTaPwb7RVG_CND5n_F3dWaRELMhwc7_hx2WKZU6Kb5Dw3EHIcJGPn6i73YX9Urli/s1600/st-augustine-icon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI8UFYDi2t2hhv_dc1fWGq-B_7udAb2qOPqZtf1V6H09RmQW89Vsozrv3HvXlEXgicz0jU_lKOeYrvJTaPwb7RVG_CND5n_F3dWaRELMhwc7_hx2WKZU6Kb5Dw3EHIcJGPn6i73YX9Urli/s200/st-augustine-icon.jpg" width="162" /></a></div>
1600 years ago, a (quite famous) man named Augustine wrote a letter to a community of nuns, giving them some advice on how to deal with grievances among the community. Apparently some of these ladies were doing some real malice to the other. He offered some advice to this particular community in how to deal with some of these wrongdoings. He offers means of discipline, but reminds the leaders to do so with "<b>Cum dilectione hominum et odio vitiorum"</b>, which translates to "<b>With love for mankind and hatred of sins."</b><br />
<b><br /></b><br />
Many years later, in his autobiography in 1929, Mohandas Gandhi wrote : "<b><i>Hate the sin and not the sinner</i> is a precept which, though easy enough to understand, is rarely practiced, and that is why the poison of hatred spreads in the world." </b>In regards to our command to love each other despite the evil things that we do to each other. It was a statement made in regards to the violence he witnessed against his own people, and despite this violence, he stands against the deeds themselves but intends on loving his enemies, for a reason he explains at another time <b>"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."</b><br />
<b><br /></b><br />
Years later still, in a supermarket in Portland, a woman notices a young single mother and her baby shopping for some cereal. The woman imagines the vile, back-arching, moan-inducing positions that lead this young girl to a fate of early motherhood, the kind of lewd acts that the older woman fantasizes about in the privacy of her own bedroom when her husband is away. After being lost in these fantasies for a brief moment, and in reaction for the fear that the flushness of her face and secretly dripping sexuality is noticed by her fellow Safeway shoppers, scowls at the thought of the young victim, and believes that her 6-month old "punishment", although unfortunate, is quite deserving, but then remembers that while she herself is not partaking in the wild passions of sexual bliss, she is, after all, a better person than the young mother, so she remembers something her pastor said a few Sundays ago: "love the sinner, hate the sin", and with a pat on her own proverbial back, she sighs, smiles to herself, and whimsically turns the corner into the bread aisle.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8vEyuu4ay0-2Fm75BWV10ysT_4ByQgGnXf7RBWmcTG7DhN50WRlRu8O03h6bwpvJxeqACbTXEjpk87OuZNS-oRaQr9_wRTOOw7JbzOEUe0MSRFzIfR4hd90NldPradEn9PkpysdOl8lNj/s1600/Im_Better_Than_You_-_Dylan_Taylor_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8vEyuu4ay0-2Fm75BWV10ysT_4ByQgGnXf7RBWmcTG7DhN50WRlRu8O03h6bwpvJxeqACbTXEjpk87OuZNS-oRaQr9_wRTOOw7JbzOEUe0MSRFzIfR4hd90NldPradEn9PkpysdOl8lNj/s320/Im_Better_Than_You_-_Dylan_Taylor_.jpg" width="222" /></a></div>
Years later still, a young man tells his parents that he is gay. The deeply anguished and self-blaming couple, after many hours of arguing, blaming, and wrestling, kick their son out of the house, but agree to give him money every so often, and tell him the reason is, because they "love the sinner, but hate the sin."<br />
<br />
Such an overused non-biblical phrase (equally taken out of context as anything else in the scriptures), with the utility of separating oneself from another person who is different. It is a callous gesture from a self-righteous people, who have somehow incorporated the call for <b>true love</b> for an enemy despite their malice, in order to preserve the peace and end the cycle of hatred, into a modus operandum that stratifies and slices the society into the deserving and undeserving, the acceptable and the intolerable. It has become a phrase that is infused with an undertone, that not only brands the sinner a sinner, but by virtue of using the phrase, separates the speaker from the sin they will tolerate the sinner in spite of.<br />
<br />
If you are gay, and you have Christian family or friends, you have heard this quote! It has been spoken about you, it has been spoken to you. Every time you hear it, becomes more painful than the last, but somehow loses its potency. Show of hands, how many of you felt the warmth and passionate love delivered by this phrase, the kind of warmth and passion when a loved one holds you and says "I love you, always and forever." It doesn't quite have the same mojo, does it? Another show of hands, does anyone know what "love the sinner, hate the sin" love looks like?<br />
<br />
It usually ends up looking something like this:<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_ZbQjCwE_KwdLRiflXoTgdDvlU3eMCFyCErmD7qB1XSPGzp3V2KH-sjS5jbYFIS-hjVvKjUAKHPiV00cH146Eq91yPJsmUmP93pgZ0lK3kkH3CMUAan4xQtc4R1eCVxE5GTgMRqFzv6im/s1600/Westboro-Baptist-Church.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_ZbQjCwE_KwdLRiflXoTgdDvlU3eMCFyCErmD7qB1XSPGzp3V2KH-sjS5jbYFIS-hjVvKjUAKHPiV00cH146Eq91yPJsmUmP93pgZ0lK3kkH3CMUAan4xQtc4R1eCVxE5GTgMRqFzv6im/s400/Westboro-Baptist-Church.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
and this: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Close-Down-LGBT-Coptic-Christians/254895981221754">An example of loving the sinner and hating the sin</a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
and unfortunately this:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdSGBjOSTbeFDMkjMvuoqERb7afA3iy_EMaLjDTAqTpMWqp8NSXQ5Y15zzOEEDJPtLnEpKFwyIS8H2ocdhwHlXlsYkz-6f-mtR60EoBIVpgy843Ygkgp5w9TlHkgVoLaUSPfxAqT3m0ufe/s1600/matthew_shepard_elton_john_erase_hate_judy_shephard_foundation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdSGBjOSTbeFDMkjMvuoqERb7afA3iy_EMaLjDTAqTpMWqp8NSXQ5Y15zzOEEDJPtLnEpKFwyIS8H2ocdhwHlXlsYkz-6f-mtR60EoBIVpgy843Ygkgp5w9TlHkgVoLaUSPfxAqT3m0ufe/s1600/matthew_shepard_elton_john_erase_hate_judy_shephard_foundation.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
What is the sin of homosexuality that is hated? Why is homosexuality compared to murder and theft? Why is it that, when a more open-minded person repeats how God loves us, and our sin is just like murder and stealing, and they have mistakes too, so we're all people with mistakes, it somehow just does not sit right. I heard one say once, and it makes so much sense, that sexuality is part of the body. It's part of the mind and psyche. Sexuality is not just the state of being physically attracted, but it ties in, inseparably with the desire for love, and the need for companionship. Such desires and needs are celebrated by society when they are fulfilled, just look at how much money you spent at weddings last year. There is a whole industry that the godly and godless alike partake in, in order to celebrate these aspects of being human. But when someone reminds us that they see our sexuality as equal to their taste for gossip, either as a petty crime, or a grave abomination, it cuts into our bodies, and our minds. It is comparing that which is life-giving to us, to what is petty, or harmful to others. Such a phrase is an attack on the body, on the person, on their mind and heart. It is a form of great disrespect, a psychological "bitch-slap", if you will.<br />
<br />
I have received many such comments and emails from people, and I shudder every single time. I wanted to know if I was the only one, so asked some people out in the social web, how this phrase hits them, and I got some great answers, I had to share some of the quotes:<br />
<br />
<blockquote>
<b><i>"Anyone I have EVER heard make that statement doesn't love "the sinner". I've seen and experienced really evil stuff having been done to people by those who have said those very words. Enough that I believe they are a farce." </i></b> </blockquote>
<blockquote>
<b><i>"Those of us on the receiving end of this philosophy rarely experience the love, but we certainly reap the hate."</i></b> </blockquote>
<blockquote>
<b><i>"For me, it comes across as shallow and self-righteous. It's supposed to sound benevolent, but has a arrogant ring to it. I think it should be, "Love the sinner and hate your OWN sin".<br />
</i></b><b><i><br /></i></b><b><i>"The only way I can explain it is to explain how being in a gay relationship is so very different in so many ways, from other things that are called "sin." In the conversation, their defense always ends up being, "Well, then we'd have to say we don't hate child molestation, rape, or murder."
It reveals a broken moral compass------unable to tell the difference between a harmful act and a harmless one. It makes me want to report them to child services."</i></b> </blockquote>
<blockquote>
<b><i>"It smacks of the "I'm OK but you're not," attitude...And it shows a lack of unconditional love."</i></b> </blockquote>
<blockquote>
<b><i>"It is, and has always been a "not so subtle", statement of smug moral superiority."</i></b></blockquote>
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
We have gotten many comments recently, saying how while they don't think homosexuality is wrong, it's OK to be gay, just don't associate the word Coptic or Christian with it. I won't even get into this, but for a moment consider the statement.<br />
<br />
I know the phrase this article is about, will be told to me time and time again, and with each time I tire more and more of hearing it. But until people can be humbled enough to know that they may not have all the answers and they can see themselves as equals, even with us gay people, this dividing line will continue to be placed. To go back to the original meaning of the quote, before it became bastardized by the masses, that while there are atrocities, judgements, and pain being inflicted, that we stand strong and do not repay an eye for an eye. That we can separate this immature and fearful thinking from the scared and unsure human being behind it. That we don't lose the sense of humanity in those who want to strip our dignity.<br />
<br />
If you are one of those people who uses this phrase, think again before using it again. Find another way of saying that you love your brother or sister. You don't have to remind us that you are against homosexuality, we already know. But if you love, then just love. End of story.<br />
<br />
Even if <a href="http://gaycopt.blogspot.com/2011/01/bishop-youssef-and-throwing-stones.html">His Grace Bishop Youssef tells you otherwise</a>.<br />
<br />
And to those who are being put down, remember this:<br />
<blockquote>
<b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;">"See to it that no one takes you captive by</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"><a class="cf" href="http://www.esvbible.org/1%20Timothy%206:20/" style="color: #6e92ac; cursor: pointer; font-size: 0.7em; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; padding-left: 0.1em; padding-right: 0.15em; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="[1 Tim. 6:20]">n</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;">philosophy and</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"><a class="cf" href="http://www.esvbible.org/Ephesians%205:6/" style="color: #6e92ac; cursor: pointer; font-size: 0.7em; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; padding-left: 0.1em; padding-right: 0.15em; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="Eph. 5:6">o</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;">empty deceit, according to</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"><a class="cf" href="http://www.esvbible.org/Matthew%2015:2/" style="color: #6e92ac; cursor: pointer; font-size: 0.7em; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; padding-left: 0.1em; padding-right: 0.15em; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See Matt. 15:2">p</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;">human tradition, according to the</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"><a class="cf" href="http://www.esvbible.org/Colossians%202:20/" style="color: #6e92ac; cursor: pointer; font-size: 0.7em; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; padding-left: 0.1em; padding-right: 0.15em; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="ver. 20">q</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;">elemental spirits</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="footnote" style="font-size: 0.7em; padding-left: 0.1em; padding-right: 0.3em; vertical-align: top;"><a class="fn" href="http://www.esvbible.org/Colossians+2/#f1-1" id="fb1-1" style="color: #6e92ac; font-family: serif; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="<note class="alternative">Or <i>elementary principles</i>; also verse 20</note>">1</a></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;">of the world, and not according to Christ.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="verse-num" id="v51002009-1" style="color: #b36c38; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 0.7em; padding-right: 0.15em; vertical-align: top;">9 </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"><a alt="esv_01" class="va" href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=5558712462088910728" rel="v51002009" style="color: #284f57; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial;"></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;">For</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"><a class="cf" href="http://www.esvbible.org/Colossians%201:19;%20John%201:14/" style="color: #6e92ac; cursor: pointer; font-size: 0.7em; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; padding-left: 0.1em; padding-right: 0.15em; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="ch. 1:19; John 1:14">r</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;">in him the whole fullness of deity dwells</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"><a class="cf" href="http://www.esvbible.org/Colossians%202:17/" style="color: #6e92ac; cursor: pointer; font-size: 0.7em; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; padding-left: 0.1em; padding-right: 0.15em; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="[ver. 17]">s</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;">bodily,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="verse-num" id="v51002010-1" style="color: #b36c38; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 0.7em; padding-right: 0.15em; vertical-align: top;">10 </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"><a alt="esv_01" class="va" href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=5558712462088910728" rel="v51002010" style="color: #284f57; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial;"></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;">and</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"><a class="cf" href="http://www.esvbible.org/Ephesians%203:19/" style="color: #6e92ac; cursor: pointer; font-size: 0.7em; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; padding-left: 0.1em; padding-right: 0.15em; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="Eph. 3:19">t</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;">you have been filled in him, who is</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"><a class="cf" href="http://www.esvbible.org/Ephesians%201:21-22/" style="color: #6e92ac; cursor: pointer; font-size: 0.7em; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; padding-left: 0.1em; padding-right: 0.15em; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See Eph. 1:21, 22">u</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;">the head of all rule and authority.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #363030; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;"> " - Colossians 2:8-11</span></i></b></blockquote>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0FxLs1p88hD1nce2WpuHlOT9OO_fd5ujNG5swtWtMb_qJl-CUAhfhUDA2wFaLnCWEY2EpLzPFvKXtNbok0-X_X-dFhwvTIXraAWa-W4E3QLrLUbLkimReBm0aQs762f4fHA8XhvW2RcsM/s1600/an_eye_for_an_eye_leaves_the_whole_world_blind.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="253" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0FxLs1p88hD1nce2WpuHlOT9OO_fd5ujNG5swtWtMb_qJl-CUAhfhUDA2wFaLnCWEY2EpLzPFvKXtNbok0-X_X-dFhwvTIXraAWa-W4E3QLrLUbLkimReBm0aQs762f4fHA8XhvW2RcsM/s400/an_eye_for_an_eye_leaves_the_whole_world_blind.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<b><i><br /></i></b>Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-76607018741683742732011-10-12T09:00:00.000-07:002011-10-12T09:00:06.533-07:00Research shows...Have you ever been misunderstood? Has anyone ever spoken on your behalf, only to describe you close but not exactly right, or maybe they got you completely wrong? What were your feelings about that situation? What did you want to tell that person? At the end of the day, did this person have the right to represent you to others? If so: why? And if not: why not?<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://biggovernment.com/files/2010/06/yelling.JPG.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://biggovernment.com/files/2010/06/yelling.JPG.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"This is who you are! Believe me! I know better!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Do a web search on being Coptic and gay. What do you find? A few articles, sermons, Q&A, and web forums where people discuss it. The lay people talk about their own theories, which is mainly based on hearsay and projections, and the clergy quote Bible verses out of context and use their own interpretation to make rash judgements without really looking deeper into the issues. No matter where one stands on the moral implications of being gay, there is a lack of compassion and understanding and it is evident in the writings of the church leadership.<br />
<br />
The main response is: "Well, we're just echoing what the Bible is saying." The Bible says a lot of things and if being Coptic Orthodox has taught me anything, it has taught me that you cannot take a verse on its own and built a doctrine about it. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sola_scriptura">Sola Scriptura</a> is something the Coptic Church does not embrace, in fact, Coptic Orthodoxy prides itself on being able to take a holistic and historical approach to interpreting and understanding scripture, but they embrace a shallow view of the Bible when it comes to not only this issue, but to many issues where there is not a clear understanding.<br />
<br />
I wanted to focus my attention specifically to what I've read regarding what the coptic church is saying about homosexuality, because I believe this is the reason why many LGBT folks in the church are suffering in silence. And I want to say that I am doing so not to berate the church leadership, but to make light of misinformation and prejudice that is being communicated. There is a reason many people live in fear, if they cannot turn to their community and family, who can they turn to? Most likely there are many people out there who would more than likely take advantage of the insecure closeted gay person, but why does it have to be this way? The LGBTs of the church need to find a safe place to explore themselves and their faith, and not feel like they are being told who they are by people who frankly cannot understand what it is like to be in their shoes. Unfortunately, that place does not exist in the church.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Not In My Church!</b><br />
<br />
The language used to describe LGBT folks is generally postured in a way that bears an assumption that it is an issue not found in the church. Generally, the language used assumes its someone else out there. <br />
<br />
<blockquote>
<b>"Some of you may think: 'Why are you speaking to us about this subject [homosexuality], this probably doesn't relate to us.' I HOPE it doesn't relate to you."</b></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: right;">
- H.G. Bishop Suriel, Sermon to St. Mark Church, Jersey City, 10-25-2008</blockquote>
<br />
Your Grace, statistically speaking, there were probably a few folks who were gay oriented in the congregation that day, how do you think that statement resonated with them? <br />
<br />
This is why our blog and our page exists. What has your experience been like?Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-66125978404770964632011-10-08T18:51:00.000-07:002011-10-08T18:51:11.901-07:00Reader Submission: A Letter From SharonThe following brought tears to my eyes and pain to my heart. If anyone questions your intentions, your origin, or your faith. Pass them this note. Thank you Bob Gnzls who posted this on <a href="http://facebook.com/lgbtcopts">LGBT Coptic Christians on Facebook.</a><br />
<br />
<b><i>Published on May 04, 2000 </i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
<b><i>Sunday, April 30, 2000 </i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
<b><i>By SHARON UNDERWOOD
For the Valley News </i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
<b><i>(White River Junction, VT)
Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people. </i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
<b><i>I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny. </i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
<b><i> My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay. </i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
<b><i> He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6. </i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
<b><i> In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity. </i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
<b><i>You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that. </i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
<b><i>At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
<b><i>If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
<b><i>A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters." </i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
<b><i> You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
<b><i>He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
<b><i>You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance. </i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
<b><i> How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage. </i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
<b><i> You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
<b><i>The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?"</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
<b><i>Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?"</i></b>Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-12424473688413925242011-10-07T00:56:00.000-07:002011-10-07T00:58:55.177-07:00Gummy Bears and False Promises<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk8MChH17Jy1Qv_E5SoPXcybemXstPfbe3Im7R-H7ZaPuvkO0li4iJUGr5bARiyweT9c6f0pxoD36PDxdNiHTkmiVxwpDew059mOKb8YPEjkiMjv-zeJZr9z3lYf7-9tQ3xvJbiDTMr7js/s1600/gummybears.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="187" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk8MChH17Jy1Qv_E5SoPXcybemXstPfbe3Im7R-H7ZaPuvkO0li4iJUGr5bARiyweT9c6f0pxoD36PDxdNiHTkmiVxwpDew059mOKb8YPEjkiMjv-zeJZr9z3lYf7-9tQ3xvJbiDTMr7js/s400/gummybears.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
My prediction for the 2013 Exodus International catch phrase:<br />
<br />
"The Opposite of Homosexuality is Gummy Bears."<br />
<br />
Why? It's simple. Every few years, Exodus International changes its slogan for a variety of reasons probably attributed to marketing, however, I think one of the main reasons is their nagging consciences. In the early years, Exodus claimed that they could change anyone from being homosexual to heterosexual. Over the years, countless people have come forward, not only claiming that their orientation was never actually changed, many came forward talking about the harm they experienced going through homosexual reparative therapy. <br />
<br />
An early snapshot of the Exodus website makes this claim. Can you change, the answer is YES!<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPRQfFt3Vf7XSic5M6U6znFyZpu-NvzGJy00MNlPRZdmv1ef6LKId8oxV7UCO-7RsKxbaE632hCvKWlciIH61BRR8py4qrWQK8hK7QIAMNfWY1NNIStjrOmgk4m_cVJ-WX3F-mNIYcHnwZ/s1600/exodus_orientations.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPRQfFt3Vf7XSic5M6U6znFyZpu-NvzGJy00MNlPRZdmv1ef6LKId8oxV7UCO-7RsKxbaE632hCvKWlciIH61BRR8py4qrWQK8hK7QIAMNfWY1NNIStjrOmgk4m_cVJ-WX3F-mNIYcHnwZ/s320/exodus_orientations.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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In the last decade, studies came out that showed the actual ineffectiveness of such treatment for people who would describe themselves as homosexually oriented. Exodus published their own press-releases, one of which includes a <a href="http://blog.exodusinternational.org/2009/10/19/study-shows-ex-gay-ministry-success-rate-ltr-by-kirk-chambers/">claim that they have a 53% success rate!</a> However when asked later that year, they <a href="http://exodusinternational.org/2009/12/whats-your-success-rate-in-changing-gays-into-straights/#.To6ofutq38A">cite another study</a> conducted by Dr. Warren Throckmorton of Grove City College, to back up their claims. The<a href="http://www.drthrockmorton.com/print.asp?id=1"> report is linked here</a>. However if you dig into the study itself, you see Dr. Throckmorton did not conduct the study at all, but rather is citing a study put out by Spitzer (2001), where he calls the study the most recent study of reparative therapy to date. But this study does not show a 53% success rate, as claimed by Exodus International at all:</div>
<blockquote>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><a <br="" href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=5558712462088910728">Spitzer (2001) </a>reported that 46% of the men and 42% of the women assessed themselves as exclusively homosexual in the year prior to change. Regarding postchange efforts, 17% of his sample of men and 54% of the women reported exclusively heterosexual attraction.</b></div>
</blockquote>
So to put it bluntly, of the percentage of people who decided to participate in this study, 17% of 46% of the men have shown a change from being gay to straight. That is about 7%. And 54% of 42% of the women show the same change, and that would come out to 22%. I am not even going to go into whether or not these cases were actually successful, because one year of study does not show a change to someone's sexual being, however, these numbers most certainly do not add up to 53%, not by a long shot.<br />
<br />
So in addition to these mixed messages, Exodus offers another answer to their success rate:<br />
<br />
<blockquote>
<b>What is your success rate? The answer never really was a WHAT. It always is a WHO. Jesus Christ is “success” because He was obedient to the Father’s plan. When we find our identity in Christ and not in our own strengths or weaknesses, we too can find success in living. Not perfection, but perseverance. Not absence of temptation, but freedom from feeling we have to give in. Not a guarantee by following rules, but genuine hope empowered by grace.</b></blockquote>
Now, there is a lot in this statement I very much agree with and can relate to, but not in regards to sexual orientation. Why are they charging so much money, to help people do what they can do for free? Develop a relationship with God, no? Then why go to Exodus? Oh, because they can help change you… but wait, they aren't that successful at it. So why do all these people participate?!<br />
<br />
Exodus decided to clean up their act and change their message again, to say "The opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality… it is holiness." Flip that around, and it says, "hey, are you gay? guess what. the opposite of holiness is your sexual orientation." Nice.<br />
<br />
But there is some wisdom to this catch phrase, because it removes from themselves the claim that they can change your orientation, but rather, can help change your behavior. Which yes, I believe anyone can change any behavior, and anyone can learn to do anything, or <b>not</b> do anything. The question is: is it beneficial? The subtext here is, while you may still be gay, we'll help you not act on it.<br />
<br />
But wait, there is still more to this story! Exodus has AGAIN changed their catch phrase. We can now learn that the "Opposite of Homosexuality is Holy-Sexuality." Are you as confused as I am? So they can't change people completely from being gay to straight, so they're going to work on the holiness factor, which for the majority of participants is abstinence and celibacy. But now, they're claiming to change people from homosexuality to holy-sexuality. Exactly what orientation is that? Well, I guess according to the teachings that Exodus International follows, in the modern evangelical movement, we find that the only "holy" sexuality is heterosexuality within marriage.<br />
<br />
But at the end of the day, these catch phrases make no sense. "The opposite of homosexuality is… " basically is a guarantee, or a service offering. Whatever comes after that sentence, is the promise Exodus makes to its members. However Exodus cannot deliver a consistent service offering, so they change the catch phrase, to things completely unrelated to the first part of that sentence, i.e. the state of the people who arrive at Exodus for help. They would do better just sticking random words at the end of these catch phrases, and at the very least be able to deliver something to its members: and I want to suggest <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><b>GUMMY BEARS!</b></span> <br />
<br />
<b>By offering gummy bears, to gay and lesbian people who come to Exodus for help, they can at least deliver something tangible, and real. They are cute, and they are chewy. It's something you can really sink your teeth into. I believe, if Exodus did change their catch phrase to what I am suggesting, they could at least be an organization of integrity, that will not leave their members psychologically harmed, and their hopes destroyed by false promises. Because they position themselves as an organization of spiritual authority, they can at least rest in the fact that, by delivering what they promise, they will not leave thousands of people at a crossroads with their faith, and their view of spirituality as a whole.</b><br />
<b><br /></b><br />
<b>Ultimately, gummy bears taste much better, and are a lot more digestible than what they are offering today.</b><br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpOEnhHkNx9qfI73PV9t_6wb5hKz9hxRUJr7Q7pNOvgA3rZTAfdw8MiSiQ49HiwxEiPppzl_6j-JAE8EgV52gwz8lYHXaSndxSTjmARhET-FNIjt8qhpAXtkZtg2WvCFseRgWdcovE3BKR/s1600/Gummy-Bears-gummy-bears-632501_500_333.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpOEnhHkNx9qfI73PV9t_6wb5hKz9hxRUJr7Q7pNOvgA3rZTAfdw8MiSiQ49HiwxEiPppzl_6j-JAE8EgV52gwz8lYHXaSndxSTjmARhET-FNIjt8qhpAXtkZtg2WvCFseRgWdcovE3BKR/s320/Gummy-Bears-gummy-bears-632501_500_333.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-62055310490905937532011-10-05T21:07:00.000-07:002011-10-05T21:09:32.318-07:00Playing Monopoly With God<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifW34KdF6pyOBFyhGTC3nKvOzz64diPcjMY4_9IrT-PxwqHtsGW-PYSsGrhkDAFmLNJ9W9WqIOBPm4XPSztE1HX0WiR_QPK0bi6Ml1FF7I-BlbRfQqsDW-7j6xOSMrSZ-JVhugpmeYjJcv/s1600/Christian-Monopoly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifW34KdF6pyOBFyhGTC3nKvOzz64diPcjMY4_9IrT-PxwqHtsGW-PYSsGrhkDAFmLNJ9W9WqIOBPm4XPSztE1HX0WiR_QPK0bi6Ml1FF7I-BlbRfQqsDW-7j6xOSMrSZ-JVhugpmeYjJcv/s1600/Christian-Monopoly.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
An old joke goes like this:<br />
<br />
<blockquote>
A man died and went to heaven, where he was promptly greeted by St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter welcomed him and took him on the grand tour. They arrived at a room full of people in silent meditation, when Peter explained "Here are where the Buddhists go." They walked down a few more doors and he said, "And here, we find the Catholics", and everyone inside waved at the new arrival. A few more doors down the recently deceased heard clapping and singing, and St. Peter explained, "here are the Pentecostals", and then finally they arrived at a room with a closed door. Peter explained, "Well, you see here is where the Copts go, when they go to heaven, but be very quiet, they think they're the only ones here."</blockquote>
The same could be said about almost any religious group with a strict following and self-important dogma. But this becomes relevant today for one reason, and it's a question that I have not been asked in a very long time, but it's the question of: "How can you call yourself a Christian and be gay?" At this point in my life, it's very simple actually: I'm gay. I'm a Christian. And that's all there is to it. But I can see why this idea may be foreign to some, and easier for others. It really depends in the church environment you grew up in.<br />
<br />
I for one, grew up in an environment that taught us, that there was only one correct faith. From basic dogma, to the resolution of councils, to the explanation of great mysteries (like the nature of Christ, for example), to the proper liturgy, to the kinds of worship, to the modes of dress, to the food you eat, to the things you think, to the people you associate with, to the TV shows you watch, to the music you listen to, to the amount of time you are allowed to shave after receiving communion, I could go on. It's apparent that we are pretty damn special. So the idea that I was gay, was one that sent chills of fear up my spine. We weren't talking about eating a burger on good friday, we were talking about some Soddom and Gomorrah type wrath and destruction! You know the kind where fire falls from the sky, your aunt Jessie turns to salt, and you miss the last episode of Friends because a meteor just hit your TV: and your dog.<br />
<br />
Many years later, I can go to bed at night, knowing that I have an ally upstairs. I have a Savior in my heart. It took a bit of work though. Previous posts can tell you about this process I went through:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://gaycopt.blogspot.com/2010/09/great-misconception.html">The Great Misconception</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://gaycopt.blogspot.com/2010/12/of-sheep-and-men.html">Of Sheep And Men</a><br />
<br />
So now there is a small movement of people crying out and saying that a gay person CANNOT label themselves as a Christian. I think I've posted enough about this topic, but I did have a few questions:<br />
<br />
If I choose to call on Jesus in an hour of need: What does it matter to you?<br />
If I choose to pray every night for my loved ones and the world around me: What does it matter to you?<br />
If I choose to go to Church and seek spiritual and personal growth and worship and praise within a community: What does it matter to you?<br />
If I choose to serve others: What does it matter to you?<br />
If I believe that I am loved by God, unconditionally, in the John 3:16 fashion: What does it matter to you?<br />
<br />
Faith is a personal thing. I would not tell anyone what to believe or not. There is a great story of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blind_men_and_an_elephant">seven blind men and an elephant</a> which explains why I deeply respect all faiths. But if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, and someone is telling you, that you need to abandon things that you believe in your heart to be true, just because you are who you are, I will say to stand up, and shake off the dust, and not believe these lies. You are more precious than you could ever imagine yourself to be. And you are deeply and utterly loved.<br />
<br />
No, the moment there is a monopoly on who can approach God, we already have a problem, and we find ourselves facing a road, or an opinion, that is just not worth exploring. If you don't believe me, you can ask some of my friends: Zacchaeus, The Centurion, The Woman at the Well, and the Good Samaritan. You can even ask King David, I'm sure he'd say a few things on the matter. Monopoly is for insecure children, and greedy adults, even when it comes to religion. Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-5262094636967962922011-10-04T23:00:00.000-07:002011-10-04T23:00:11.851-07:00Let's Recap... Shall We?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnnfgZFXEnknXHImTheWt7n3oi8dvN04_NYwWLAaLSnp1rWDmDZeSmJiLdQbZia2DkBhSRok_nr9rxmXAVJ1wDjB2nKXMPt_OeAAxnAV46wy3Ghg7UglcXEGa7CkOdbgXYnf4uoKjIXLEO/s1600/296982_222998071097421_102566516473911_685144_2099522423_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="90" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnnfgZFXEnknXHImTheWt7n3oi8dvN04_NYwWLAaLSnp1rWDmDZeSmJiLdQbZia2DkBhSRok_nr9rxmXAVJ1wDjB2nKXMPt_OeAAxnAV46wy3Ghg7UglcXEGa7CkOdbgXYnf4uoKjIXLEO/s400/296982_222998071097421_102566516473911_685144_2099522423_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
Yeah, I think this picture says it all. This is what I returned to when I logged on the other day. But, let's step back for a moment.<br />
<br />
A lot has happened since I've last posted, let's review:<br />
<br />
1. I got a second job (temporarily)<br />
2. I am single and wanting to remain so, for a long while.<br />
3. I turned 29! Last year before it's all over, and memory loss begins!<br />
<br />
What can I say, I kind of dropped the ball, as they say. Life got hectic, and I lost focus. What brought it back? Well, I was alerted to an influx of <a href="https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.222798477784047.60929.102566516473911&type=3">spam and hate-speech</a> on our <a href="http://www.facebook.com/lgbtcopts">Facebook Community</a>, and was absolutely shocked and disturbed as to what I found there. <br />
<br />
After two hours of deleting posts that were just vile in nature, like the one above. Reminded me of a quote by Ghandi: "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." But there is a silver lining to all this. Having spoke to many people of various ages, it seems that this crudeness is concentrated among those in high school and college. Most people of young adult status, who have entered into the real world, who have been broken down by the reality of life, outside of depending on their mom and dad's financial support, they become humbled and realize, that maybe they shouldn't be judging people. I had the same lesson myself, and life sure did humble me. I pity people like the young man, above. Usually those who are the most aggressive towards gay people, have latent feelings of their own that they do not know how to deal with. And people who are straight, generally are straight, and do not really care what other people do.<br />
<br />
But yes, it's been a few busy days, cleaning up the mess of these so-called representatives of the church, but I know better, than to say that these people are the reps. The true representatives of faith, are those who you least expect, they are the quiet meek voices, the smiling faces that greet you in the street, the helping hand to those who are week, the one who forgives easy when being wronged, the one who shares his or her meal, and the one who loves unconditionally. These are the people I aspire to be like. If the church had more of these people, I do not think a single gay person would have been ostracized by the communities they come from.Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-1022391306404549102011-04-21T20:22:00.000-07:002011-04-21T20:24:14.166-07:00He set an example...<div style="text-align: center;"><b><i>"</i></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="woj"><b><i>I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.</i></b></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><b><i> </i></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="woj"><b><i> Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.</i></b></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><b><i> </i></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="woj"><b><i> Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them."</i></b></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="woj"><br />
</span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://pastorchrisowens.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/washing-feet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://pastorchrisowens.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/washing-feet.jpg" /></a></div>I attended the Holy Thursday prayers at my church this morning and afternoon. It was a great time for reflection on the Lenten journey we have all gone through. Battling the inevitable hunger pains, we arrived at the "Laqqan" or blessing of the waters, where the water is blessed and prayed on, and then the priest symbollically washes the feet of the congregation by wetting a towel and putting the sign of the cross on the front of their lower legs. This of course comes from the gospel, where before the Passover, Jesus washes the feet of the disciples, leaving some offended at the notion of a great teacher humbling himself to such a menial task, but does so as an example of what it means to be a true servant, and how we are to treat each other. For some reason, I had this thought in my head: I wonder what it would be like if we as a congregation actually washed each others feet. That it wasn't the task of the priest to put a wet towel to our legs, but that we could actually wash the feet of our neighbors in the pews.<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I could imagine the discomfort. Many people hide their feet, it is a very sensitive part of the body. Allowing someone to wash your feet is in a way letting them see a not so clean part of you. For some they would rather have their feet covered, rather than show the world what they look at. Others are self conscious, while, for the most part, unless you've spent a lot of time and money in pedicures and such, most likely, you would not be quick to put your bare feet in the hands of another person in church, let alone let them wash them. On the flip side, how many of us would want to take the bare foot of a congregation member into our hands? I wonder what kind of congregation we would be if we were the type of congregation that could wash each other's feet.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">It's not about washing feet, though, but its exposing ourselves. It's allowing someone else to clean us, to acknowledge our shortcomings, and to take the dirt and wash it away. I'm sure we can have no problem doing this with strangers, but what about with people we know well, who maybe have hurt us or fallen short of what we wanted. Or maybe for some of us, we don't want to be seen. We don't want our dirt and our filth exposed to our neighbor, even in the church, even if he or she has dirt of their own. It's being in a very vulnerable position, and putting ourselves in the hands of our neighbor.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I thought about the conversations in past weeks on several message boards, in light of the passage in John 13, and I wish we could come together, humbly, gay and straight Copts, alike. "Pro-gay" and "anti-gay" Copts together, and come together in that same spirit of humility and love and service, and for a moment, take the time to wash one another's feet. To take the dirt that we see in the other, and pour the cool water of forgiveness, understanding, compassion and love, over what we see that offends or bothers us. That for a moment we can stand humbly as one, imperfect, but covered by grace and love. For we are all loved, and greatly so. We fear the other, we blame the other, we accuse the other, and we think we know the other, however, the greatest One among us, was able to wash the feet of the one who betrayed him, who are we that we could refuse to do the same?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">These were some thoughts that affected me today. I hope after Lent, we can continue the dialogues out there on the net, in a better Spirit where we can follow that example given to us.</div>Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-54208166505492465422011-04-13T19:42:00.000-07:002011-04-13T19:48:27.565-07:00Did Someone Light A Candle?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://letskeepexploring.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/candle-in-the-dark.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://letskeepexploring.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/candle-in-the-dark.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
It comes to no surprise that the <a href="https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/8W7B65Y">survey that was distributed a number of weeks ago</a> has caused a reaction in the community. The topic of homosexuality and the church is one that polarizes. I wish it weren't so, but it is. In many web communities, the survey was faced with a lot of backlash, and distrustful skepticism. Immediately, we were accused of plotting a way to change the church's dogma on homosexual sex. The mention of the survey alone, brought out some interesting thoughts from people. I have to say when we are in a place of fear, we are not at our best.<br />
<br />
Fortunately, the church need not worry, as there is no secret agenda of a gay takeover of the Coptic Church. That is not the intention of the survey nor is such a thing possible through the asking of questions. If popular vote was a way to set and alter church dogma, are we saying that the council of Nicea went something like this: "Ok guys, show of hands: oneness of Christ with God the Father, yay or nay?"<br />
<br />
But despite the distrust and heated arguments, there have been some great moments of dialogue and mutual understanding! Many of us have had a chance to tell our stories to people, and it is through this exposing of ones life in detail that takes away the mystery. One man in particular reached out to me via email, and asked me to explain more about the survey and why we did it. This is what I had to say. I say this to all people who are wondering why we made this survey. Something to think about:<br />
<br />
<blockquote>The people who made the survey, and now I'm helping out with them, because I definitely feel in line with what they're doing.<br />
<br />
Yes, they are all copts. Initially the survey was intended to capture some of the stories of other gay coptic people out there, and their experiences, so others can feel that they are not alone in their struggles. But it turned into something different, more like a survey for all Coptic people. The fact is that no one wants to talk about this issue. And, <his here="" name="">, I happen to believe exactly what you believe, that we should not be defined by our sexuality or sexual orientation. But the fact is, everyone is defining us."<br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
"The aim of the survey is mainly just a way to get the people in the church thinking: "Do I know any gay people? How have I dealt with them? Do my actions further ostracize them or am I part of making my church a safe place for everyone to be in fellowship with?" Also, the fact is, everyone I know who has struggled with their sexuality, or have either come out, get different reactions from clergy and their community. I've seen some pretty harsh stuff, but I've also seen some loving stuff as well. But the harshness says that many of our dear clergy members do not know how to attempt to deal with this. Some even go by way of the ex-gay route, which only leads to further destruction. I'm all for gay celibacy btw, if one truly believes that it is the only path to holiness and wholeness in their lives."<br />
<br />
"Yes, it is a difficult issue with no easy answers, but we feel that the conversation needs to start. And it needs to start within the church. We are not saying the church needs to accept homosexuality as a viable lifestyle. The fact is, someone who identifies as gay, says nothing about how they actually live their lives. Many are celibate. Many are promiscuous. Many are monogamous. etc. etc. etc. We are not saying the church needs to change her doctrine. But the question is, ok we have brothers and sisters who have fallen short one one point, on a single point. Should this separate us from the community? Does the community want us separated? The survey responses that have really surprised me the most, are the ones that say "yes I believe homosexuality is wrong. And yes I believe gay people should be one with us in the community." If Christ can meet me, here and now as I am, I have to have faith that he will lead me to the truth."<br />
<br />
"By offering Christ to everyone who wants, without condition, you are putting them in line with grace. You are putting them in direct contact with the love of God."<br />
<br />
"So this survey is for gay copts, to see what "those closed minded coptic people" really think, and I know in my heart, they will be surprised to see the results. And it's for straight copts, to challenge them to think more about what it is they believe and how that belief should be carried out in terms of dealing with others different than themselves. This survey is for clergy to see who their congregation is, and not who they want them to be, or who they might present themselves to be. It's for reconciliation. And yes, we are a small number. But, yes, I care about my brothers and sisters who deal with this, because I've been through it myself, and it's a miracle that I am where I am today. I don't know why I feel spared, but I have been, and I thank God every single day."<br />
<br />
"Hope this clarifies, sorry that this went so long. I will never forget when you said "I know God can love a gay person: because he loves me." <his here="" name=""> you give me hope in my community, whom I also have feared. Those words stick with me, and I'll never forget. Thank you!"</his></his></blockquote>The gentleman wrote me back. His quote that I mention was from a previous email. This man has really inspired me. He made me realize that in this community which many of us have felt so estranged from, there are people who are willing to stand next to us and call us brothers, even if they may not agree with us on all fronts. If you are gay and Coptic, or straight and Coptic. We invite you to stand with us. <a href="http://www.facebook.com/lgbtcopts">We have a fan page on Facebook</a>. We'd love to interact with friends, those who are willing to acknowledge that we exist, and are willing to stand with us. Not all of us believe the same thing about what it means to be gay or how that is expressed. If you have questions, ask us. We'd love to share with you. If you're gay, but are in the closet, you don't need to out yourself, but a time will come when you'll be ready, and know that when you are, you are NOT ALONE.<br />
<br />
I feel hopeful.<br />
<br />
Take our <a href="https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/8W7B65Y">SURVEY</a>! We want to hear from you.Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-91208416429309059062011-03-23T19:45:00.000-07:002011-03-23T19:45:13.905-07:00Apple Says "No" To Ex-Gay Therapy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://rt.com/files/news/gay-outraged-gay-cure-app/exodus-international.n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://rt.com/files/news/gay-outraged-gay-cure-app/exodus-international.n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<a href="http://exodusinternational.org/">Exodus International:</a> God bless 'em.<br />
<br />
But really, do we think the world is ready for a <a href="http://exodusinternational.org/2011/03/exodus-releases-new-smartphone-application/">mobile app that can cure "un-wanted same sex attraction"</a>?<br />
I thought that was the purpose of <a href="http://ifartmobile.com/">iFart</a>. Who wants to be with a man who can generate gastro-flatulant noises like that? That would have been the wiser approach for <a href="http://www.alanchambers.org/about.html">Alan Chambers</a>, if he had gotten his marketing team in order. You can't just join the social and mobile web, and expect to make an impact, if the shit you started with wasn't that great to begin with.<br />
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So it was Apple that decided to <a href="http://www.worldmag.com/webextra/17808">pull the plug</a> on Exodus's mobile app, because it was <a href="http://www.worldmag.com/webextra/17808">deemed offensive</a> to a large number of people.<br />
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On the one hand, I do see the need for freedom of speech, however, Apple is not the government. They are a corporation, and have the right to censor as they will. No one is stopping Exodus from existing, in fact they're a growing organization in this country with all the freedoms any other organization would have, despite the fact that many people in scientific and spiritual communities can agree that their methods are actually harming people deeply.<br />
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Now, Exodus will cry "victim", as they continue to victimize thousands of people, and take their hard earned dollars in exchange for false-promises, touch-therapy, and years of psychological anguish.<br />
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Read the article <a href="http://www.worldmag.com/webextra/17808">here</a>.<br />
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And if you're done feeling sorry for Exodus, take a moment and <a href="http://surveymonkey.com/s/8W7B65Y">fill out a brief survey</a>!Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5558712462088910728.post-90584919189777252062011-03-22T22:05:00.000-07:002011-03-22T22:23:59.380-07:00Important Survey and StudyA few people reached out to me tonight and told me about a <a href="http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/8W7B65Y" target="_blank">study they are conducting</a> in order to get a sense of how LGBT Coptic people co-exist with their church communities. The survey is meant for any and all Coptic people regardless of sexual orientation. The survey is short, only 10 questions, but I think it touches on a few important points. <br />
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From the <a href="http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/8W7B65Y" target="_blank">survey</a> itself:<br />
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<blockquote>Thank you for participating in this survey. People who may identify as an LGBTQ (Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/Questioning) exist in all communities regardless of culture. This is a brief study conducted by members of the Coptic Community who are interested in understanding how LGBTQ persons are represented within the Coptic community, and are hoping to get a brief introduction to how the community and these individuals co-exist. Any person affiliated with the Coptic Church in any way should participate, whether or not they identify as LGBT. Participation in this survey is completely voluntary, and while the results of this survey may be published, the identity of those participating will remain completely anonymous.<br />
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Why Participate?<br />
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1. Having as many people participate as possible will ensure accurate representation in the results of this survey. By participating you help paint an accurate portrayal of the beliefs of our community.<br />
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2. In addition to understanding how LGBT people are represented within the community, we also want to understand how the mainstream views this topic.</blockquote>Please take a moment, whether you are straight or gay, or whether you are Coptic or not, and fill out these questions. I think the results can help both the church and people who identify as LGBTQ understand the lay of the land, as well as maybe understand each other better.<br />
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The link to the survey is here: <a href="http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/8W7B65Y" target="_blank">A Brief Study of Sexual Identity In The Coptic Church</a>Just A Dudehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10607094231556874706noreply@blogger.com2